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A dad-to-be says he’s entitled to keep the money gifted to his baby, after he threw a ‘lavish’ baby shower for his wife. But he’s been accused of ‘stealing’ from his baby, for taking the cash gifts.

The 29-year-old first time dad is expecting a little boy with his 24-year-old wife next month, and they recently hosted a baby shower to celebrate the event.

“Her family didn’t really plan the whole thing other than decorating so I ended up purchasing a venue as I wanted to make a big deal of this to make my wife feel special,” he explained on reddit.

“I spent $2,500 on this venue which I was prepared to do and okay with. My wife wanted something smaller initially but I wanted to do the co ed thing and invite my friends and family too. After paying for the place, my account was depleted and I won’t be paid again for two weeks. So I took all the cash we were given in cards and deposited into my account. We ended up getting about $1600, so I only ended up paying less than $1000 for the shower.

“My wife is upset about this because she feels as if the money should be used for more baby things and not to ‘pay myself back’, as she put it. I told her I can’t just have $0 in my account for two weeks, and she said I should have thought of that before booking such a big space for the shower instead of doing something smaller like she originally wanted. She’s also upset because a majority of the money came from her family. I honestly just assumed any money we got was going into paying for the shower, and she assumed it would be for whatever else we didn’t get on our registry.”

‘My wife is being ungrateful’

The dad-to-be says he feels as though his wife is being ungrateful, but understands that he should’ve better planned out his finances.

“I don’t see it as stealing from my baby since I don’t by any means plan to spend ALL of this money on myself. I’m most likely going to be the one paying for everything the baby needs and also am going to be helping my wife with her medical bills. My wife has money saved since her maternity leave is unpaid so it’s not like I’m just leaving her high and dry. She has money and I don’t expect her to use it on baby things.”

He says the couple were gifted lots of baby essentials and expensive items, because of the large guest list of more than 100 people, which means they have what they need for their baby. However, he has come to realise that taking the gifted money wasn’t the wisest decision.

“I made a rash and impulsive decision because I wanted everyone to see that I could provide for my family, and all I did was prove to myself and my wife that I have a lot of learning to do. My decision to have a lavish shower was based on insecurity more than anything and I was wrong for that. My wife did eventually agree to have the bigger shower because she wanted me to have a say since this is my baby too, but asked if I was sure I could cover the cost multiple times. I said yes. Repeatedly I reassured her that I could do this.

“I truly did assume that money given at baby showers was to pay for the shower (like how people pay for their plates at a wedding), or for whatever we as a couple needed. I didn’t even think about the fact that the money is for the baby and didn’t consider putting it in a savings for him but I like that idea. I have never been to a baby shower so I didn’t know any better.”

What do you think of the situation – should the dad-to-be have used the money to pay for the baby shower? Let us know in the comments below. 

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  • She didn’t want the big event. He wanted her to feel special. I feel like there needed to be more communication and compromise

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  • This is very weird, you would hope he will spend the money on baby. Hope they can work it out!

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  • I think he should have put more thought into what he was doing and own up to his mistake. He should then open an account in their babies name and bank the money he took. Also none of that money should be used to spend on himself or his wife.

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  • Think that a lot more communication is required between this couple.

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  • I have never understood how couples can have separate accounts and not joint finances. Its going to be pretty hard going for them if they are living week-to-week on one wage and a new baby.

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  • Clearly had no idea. Hopefully learnt from his mistakes. He’s a guy honestly how would he know?

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  • Clearly some more communicating needs to happen between husband and wife, I would think.

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  • The money is given in good faith for the baby- not the shower. It was his choice to throw a big do. It’s unnecessary when you can do it at home.

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  • Um no!! This is why I don’t like baby showers. What is their purpose anymore? This is wrong. It is not up to other people to pay for your baby shower or your baby, for that matter.

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  • This is so wrong. If you dont want to be out of pocket simply dont have a celebration party.

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  • He’s pretty out of line, that money was for the baby, not to pay for the baby shower, he’s rude as. His partner said she didn’t want a crazy baby shower like he done, he just wanted to show off clearly and now wants the money. Rude and greedy.

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  • I think the biggest point here is that he didn’t communicate his ideas with his wife before he acted, that’s just not right.

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  • Well this is not a big issue. When anything come into baby or kids, its good both husband and wife to sitdown and make the decision. As he is a first time father, he wanted to make her wife happy(if wife happy then the baby in the womb would be happy as well), so he organised the baby shower as a grand ceremony to
    Get most of the friends and relative and the wife agreed for it. The husband should have discussed about putting the presented money in his bank account, but i still don’t think there is nothing wrong as when in marriage life there should not be anything call “its mine and its yours”, it should be as only “ours”, so the money he deposited in the bank account is their both money and their should not be anything for the wife to be upset or argument. Is he going to spend that money to someone? No as currently the husband is the only one early, he is only going to spend the money for both of their expense or for the baby. So for my point of view there shouldn’t be any view come in such as most people attended the ceremony were wife side and the money should not be deposited in husband account such as is. Happy marriage life makes the kids happy and happy family and life is equal to a worship place. May god bless for both the husband and wife to live together long with the upcoming baby ????

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  • This is where communication comes into play. Both parties should have communicated what their intentions were regarding the money spent and earned. Eventually once the baby is born money will be spent on the baby either way.

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  • I think what he did wasn’t right, he should have talked to his wife first. The amount on a venue for just a baby shower, i would have looked at alternative places. Budgeting is a big part of becoming a family

    Reply

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