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A stressed dad is wondering whether he’s in the wrong after snapping at his exhausted wife, who asked him to take their baby not long after he finished a horror day at work.

The husband, who works as an ER nurse, says he adores his wife and nine-month-old daughter, and they’re ‘very important’ to him. He also loves his job.

“Right now my wife doesn’t have a job and is focusing on motherhood. I am in full support of this and know that what she is doing is very difficult and taxing, but I think my job is sometimes a little more than that.

“I have really bad days. Like I see the worst things a person could possibly see, and it used to not bother me but since my daughter was born it’s so much worse. Especially when it’s a younger woman or little girl. I however don’t let this effect my work and I don’t let my wife in on these things. She’s a little fragile when it comes to things like these to the point where she can’t even watch horror movies.”

‘I couldn’t handle my wife’s requests for help’

The new dad explained on reddit that he’d had a particularly difficult day at work recently, and it sparked a downward spiral. (Trigger warning: child death)

“We had a car crash victim. She was about eight-years-old and riding around on a bike. The driver fled the scene and she was in bad state. Like I could see organs. I knew we were likely gonna lose her and we did. Like I said after we did our job the best we could I moved on. Got lunch did whatever I needed to do.”

The man explained that he usually takes the baby and gives his wife a break as soon as he gets home. But this day, he was just too distracted.

“I wanted to help my wife but I just needed some time. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t handle my wife’s requests for help. When I asked her for a minute, she told me that she’s been on her feet all day and needed a break. We had a small argument as I was trying to avoid telling her what I saw, and eventually I just snapped.

“I raised my voice and told her that, ‘Can I just get five f**king minutes to myself before you jump on me’. She of course was mad and it started a much bigger argument as she now is convinced I don’t value what she does.”

It’s now left the man wondering if he’s in the wrong for his reaction.

What do you think the solution is? Let us know in the comments below.

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  • You know your comment to your wife wasn’t right even though in your mind it was justified. I can see both sides, but perhaps take on some of the excellent suggestions given here to debrief before coming home or else how about talking to your wife and having a signal so she knows you have had a really rough day. Something like ‘Nasty today at work’ so she knows you need some time and you don’t have to elaborate any further. Could help in the future as there is sure to be other days that get to you too.

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  • It’s rough because he shouldn’t have responded the way he did, but she also needs to give him a moment when he gets home from work. I’m a stay at home mum of four and yes although it can be exhausting looking after them all day I do get the occasional time to relax here and there. Physically going out and working can be so much more demanding then staying home with your kids. So yes give him a moment before pouncing.

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  • I think so long as it goes both ways and the wife gets her time to herself as well!

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  • I understand. My child used to scream 24/7 and so I couldn’t wait to hand him over. But I also understand the need to enter your home and just have 5 minutes to settle. My hubby and I both tried to manage this and when our son was old enough, we would explain “give Mum or Dad just a few minutes to get settled” before …. It is all about communication and understanding.

    Reply

  • The biggest issue I can see here is a lack of communication. While I understand and think its sweet that he tries to protect his wife from his work he can’t then assume she’s a mind reader when he needs space. Maybe they should sit down with each other and come up with a solution so they can both get the support or space they need when they’ve had a particularly rough day. In any relationship communication and compromise are key…

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  • Could have been handled 10 times better

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  • Hope they could talk things out without anyone getting upset. Husband should not assume the worse about wife.

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  • It’s so hard early on when you feel like you’re the one working the hardest, and it’s even harder to find the time or energy to talk about things and understand each other’s point of view. Sure, he didn’t handle it so well but I only truly appreciated what this felt like when I returned to work and my husband had 3 months parental leave and he tried to throw the baby at me and we finally saw each other’s perspective

    Reply

  • This could have been handled better. He knew what his wife was going to do and if he wanted a couple minutes, straight home was probably not the best place for him. He could have said I’ll be a bit late home from work and just gone for a walk in a local park or something. Then come home ready to help in a better frame of mind.

    Reply

  • They need to communicate and maybe he should have said I just need to have a quick shower or something like that so he could escape for a few minutes and destress from his day.

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  • I don’t think your in the wrong but I do think when thing are calmer you need to speak to your wife
    It can be challenging trying to battle your own demons and support those of your wife
    We all have things we have to deal with and someone time being burdened with someone’s else’s issues can all be a bit too much
    If your truly finding it difficult it might be time to reach out to a professional
    As it could be triggered from something deeper


    • I 100% agree. Not talking about what you’ve been dealing with at work can bottle up. He needs to debrief with someone before going home, that way he’s had sometime and talked it out with someone

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  • Everyone has those days. It’s hard with a new born and it’s hard adjusting to a ver massive lifestyle change.

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  • I totally understand he needed to clear his mind before being able to reach out, but when he doesn’t communicate what happened his wife couldn’t know. When he doesn’t want to share this with his wife, he could maybe have taken a walk before returning home, or debrief with his colleagues

    Reply

  • Being a new mum she is still adjusting to her life and the pressures of a new bub and does not understand you and your stressful job, just let her know that when you come home to let you wind down with a cuppa or what you like. Its typical with the pressures of work and life now and maybe she can get some help from her mother or yours if she is over whelmed.

    Reply

  • I think everyone has those days at some point where they have an outburst that they regret. I think they need to have a chat about what to do from here for in the future.

    Reply

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