Dad Pleads With Wife, 'Just Give Me Five Minutes Before Handing Me The Baby'

A stressed dad is wondering whether he’s in the wrong after snapping at his exhausted wife, who asked him to take their baby not long after he finished a horror day at work.

The husband, who works as an ER nurse, says he adores his wife and nine-month-old daughter, and they’re ‘very important’ to him. He also loves his job.

“Right now my wife doesn’t have a job and is focusing on motherhood. I am in full support of this and know that what she is doing is very difficult and taxing, but I think my job is sometimes a little more than that.

“I have really bad days. Like I see the worst things a person could possibly see, and it used to not bother me but since my daughter was born it’s so much worse. Especially when it’s a younger woman or little girl. I however don’t let this effect my work and I don’t let my wife in on these things. She’s a little fragile when it comes to things like these to the point where she can’t even watch horror movies.”

‘I couldn’t handle my wife’s requests for help’

The new dad explained on reddit that he’d had a particularly difficult day at work recently, and it sparked a downward spiral. (Trigger warning: child death)

“We had a car crash victim. She was about eight-years-old and riding around on a bike. The driver fled the scene and she was in bad state. Like I could see organs. I knew we were likely gonna lose her and we did. Like I said after we did our job the best we could I moved on. Got lunch did whatever I needed to do.”

The man explained that he usually takes the baby and gives his wife a break as soon as he gets home. But this day, he was just too distracted.

“I wanted to help my wife but I just needed some time. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t handle my wife’s requests for help. When I asked her for a minute, she told me that she’s been on her feet all day and needed a break. We had a small argument as I was trying to avoid telling her what I saw, and eventually I just snapped.

“I raised my voice and told her that, ‘Can I just get five f**king minutes to myself before you jump on me’. She of course was mad and it started a much bigger argument as she now is convinced I don’t value what she does.”

It’s now left the man wondering if he’s in the wrong for his reaction.

What do you think the solution is? Let us know in the comments below.

We may get commissions for purchases made using links in this post. Learn more.

30 Comments

- - Jessica said
  - 30 Jun 2022
    7:53 pm
Men forget that it’s so stressful being at home with a baby. If he needs time to himself maybe have the time on the car before walking in the door

- - My Littlebuttons said
  - 22 Jun 2022
    12:24 pm
I think thats fair enough on his part just let him come home and have a little rest and then its baby time otherwise its just too overwhelming for some people

- - Zmijka86 said
  - 14 Jun 2022
    5:30 pm
It’s a trick situation…I think they just need to sit down and try to communicate better

- - mom461384 said
  - 05 Jun 2022
    6:03 pm
I can see his point of view. Maybe not 100% the right way to go about it but definitely don’t see him as in the wrong for needing a bit to chill after work

- - mom101628 said
  - 11 May 2022
    10:36 am
You know your comment to your wife wasn’t right even though in your mind it was justified. I can see both sides, but perhaps take on some of the excellent suggestions given here to debrief before coming home or else how about talking to your wife and having a signal so she knows you have had a really rough day. Something like ‘Nasty today at work’ so she knows you need some time and you don’t have to elaborate any further. Could help in the future as there is sure to be other days that get to you too.

- - mumof3 said
  - 10 May 2022
    7:07 pm
It’s rough because he shouldn’t have responded the way he did, but she also needs to give him a moment when he gets home from work. I’m a stay at home mum of four and yes although it can be exhausting looking after them all day I do get the occasional time to relax here and there. Physically going out and working can be so much more demanding then staying home with your kids. So yes give him a moment before pouncing.

- - mom466557 said
  - 09 May 2022
    7:23 pm
I think so long as it goes both ways and the wife gets her time to herself as well!

- - rovermum said
  - 09 May 2022
    12:24 pm
I understand. My child used to scream 24/7 and so I couldn’t wait to hand him over. But I also understand the need to enter your home and just have 5 minutes to settle. My hubby and I both tried to manage this and when our son was old enough, we would explain “give Mum or Dad just a few minutes to get settled” before …. It is all about communication and understanding.

- - cassy26 said
  - 09 May 2022
    10:55 am
The biggest issue I can see here is a lack of communication. While I understand and think its sweet that he tries to protect his wife from his work he can’t then assume she’s a mind reader when he needs space. Maybe they should sit down with each other and come up with a solution so they can both get the support or space they need when they’ve had a particularly rough day. In any relationship communication and compromise are key…

- - sharna_booth_weinrowski said
  - 09 May 2022
    8:05 am
Could have been handled 10 times better

- - Mrs Felix said
  - 08 May 2022
    1:03 pm
Hope they could talk things out without anyone getting upset. Husband should not assume the worse about wife.

- - mom485231 said
  - 08 May 2022
    8:00 am
It’s so hard early on when you feel like you’re the one working the hardest, and it’s even harder to find the time or energy to talk about things and understand each other’s point of view. Sure, he didn’t handle it so well but I only truly appreciated what this felt like when I returned to work and my husband had 3 months parental leave and he tried to throw the baby at me and we finally saw each other’s perspective

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 07 May 2022
    1:18 pm
This could have been handled better. He knew what his wife was going to do and if he wanted a couple minutes, straight home was probably not the best place for him. He could have said I’ll be a bit late home from work and just gone for a walk in a local park or something. Then come home ready to help in a better frame of mind.

- - mom485263 said
  - 07 May 2022
    11:30 am
They need to communicate and maybe he should have said I just need to have a quick shower or something like that so he could escape for a few minutes and destress from his day.

- - Sass said
  - 07 May 2022
    7:11 am
I don’t think your in the wrong but I do think when thing are calmer you need to speak to your wife
It can be challenging trying to battle your own demons and support those of your wife
We all have things we have to deal with and someone time being burdened with someone’s else’s issues can all be a bit too much
If your truly finding it difficult it might be time to reach out to a professional
As it could be triggered from something deeper
- Amanda Holland replied
  
  07 May 2022 , 9:34 am
  I 100% agree. Not talking about what you’ve been dealing with at work can bottle up. He needs to debrief with someone before going home, that way he’s had sometime and talked it out with someone