I have been blessed with three gorgeous sons. They are my life. However if someone given me a choice for a boy or girl with baby number 3, I may have said ‘girl’. But only for an instant because when I found out I had another beautiful boy coming, my heart literally burst. Three perfect boys.
But as a daughterless mother, there are gaps in my life – although these gaps have been filled with glorious boy stuff. But mother-daughter bonds are pretty special. Our mums have raised us and we want to do our own version of that with our daughters.
And to be honest, there are some things that mums without daughters miss out on.
Here’s an example – my 14 year old son needed a new hoody, thinking we’d have some lovely mother-son time at the mall; we trekked through the surf shops. He found a couple of hoodies he liked and as we headed to the change room – he gave me that look. “Just wait out here somewhere Mum, I’ll decide” – so my boy and a surfie looking young shop guy headed off to the change rooms. I wanted to follow crying “But I’m paying for it!” but wisely looked through a rack of t-shirts instead, tears prickling my eyes.
You see, as a mum of sons, I don’t get to go shopping ‘properly’ with my children. We don’t wander through the shops, browsing, trying clothes on together. And often I buy theirs on my own. I’ve even tried on clothes when my teen was the same size as me, to save myself a trip back to the shops for the right size.
I have no one to watch proudly as makeup is tried on for the first time and as hairstyles are experimented with. I have no one to share secrets with and to talk about boys, periods and stuff. Because trust me, with boys there is a time when any topic relating to the body is off limits indefinitely. Apart from a new deodorant or tube of pimple cream left discretely in their bedroom when I’ve realised they’ve run out.
Boys and school formals are an easy affair – maybe some new shoes, a suit hired and an extra lick of hair gel (and a spray of Dad’s cologne) is all that’s needed, too easy.
But I would have quite enjoyed spending Saturday afternoons trawling through dress shops, gulping at the price of dresses but shedding proud tears as they’re tried on.
I never get to plait anyone’s hair – which I suppose is a blessing as I’m not sure where we’d have fitted that into our busy school mornings. Still it might have been nice to do someone’s hair other than my own
Don’t get me wrong, I feel completely blessed at the joys my boys have brought into my life that I can share with them – I can build Thomas the Tank engine train tracks up quickly and under scrutinising eyes, I can hold my own in backyard cricket, I can kick a footy, I know when to leave my boys alone and when they need their Dad and not their Mum.
So the challenge as a daughterless mother is to acknowledge all the things I won’t be able to do with my boys, to mourn these a little but then to celebrate all the amazing things I can do with my sons.
Because we all know that boys never really leave their mums. And I’m definitely ok with that.