A grandad-to-be says he’s been blindsided by his daughter and her husband, who expect him to look after their baby once its born and they return to work.

Fifty two-year-old Bobby says he’s raised his children, and shouldn’t be expected to raise his grandchildren. But thinks he may have gone too far by telling his daughter 27-year-old daughter Amanda she shouldn’t have become pregnant if she didn’t expect to raise her own baby.

“Currently Amanda and Chris (her husband) aren’t that focused on their future, mostly on having fun and doing things ‘while they’re still young’,” Bobby explained on reddit.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, in my opinion, and I think that young people should have that kind of period in their life, especially after the pandemic. I got a call from Amanda. She and Chris told me how they have taken several tests and confirmed that Amanda is pregnant! They would be hosting an announcement dinner, but wanted immediate family to know right away. They could barely wait as they had been trying since they were married. (Note that this was an intended pregnancy) I told them I was thrilled to be a grandpa.”

Fast forward to the dinner party, and the the grandpa-to-be says there was nothing but happiness and excitement at their baby news. Until he overheard a conversation that involved him.

 “I didn’t sign up for a new baby. I’m done with all that.”

“Chris and Amanda were talking to a friend and Chris made a comment along the lines of, ‘Good thing that Bobby will watch the baby while we’re at work!’ I was confused and asked what they were talking about. Amanda revealed that she and Chris were expecting me to always watch the baby while they were working and so they could have ‘fun time’ while not working.

“Now I love my children and will never regret being their dad. But I didn’t sign up for a new baby. I’m done with all that. I want to enjoy my retirement and be free without any underage children. I explained this to Amanda and Chris, also that there are many great daycare options in the area.

“Amanda began to cause a scene because, ‘You told me you were thrilled to be a grandpa!’ I responded that exactly, I was thrilled to be a grandpa, not a parent to this baby. She said that I should help out since I don’t have to worry about working (I receive a pension) and that she’s young and these are supposed to be the best years of her life, and she thinks it’s unfair that she and Chris’s life should ‘be all about a baby’.

“I was very frank and responded that, ‘Amanda, of course, you and Chris’s life is going to ‘be all about a baby. That’s what it means to be a parent. You should not have gotten pregnant if you just expected someone else to raise your child’. Amanda yelled at me, ‘Don’t be surprised when I put you in a shitty nursing home’.

“My son, Michael, says that I was harsh in my delivery but not my message. My son, Nathan, agreed that Amanda and Chris are expecting too much and it was irresponsible to purposely get pregnant when they believe they don’t have time to raise a baby. My sister, Sandra, however, told me my comment was ‘callous and misogynistic’ and I haven’t raised a newborn in twenty years and don’t realise how much harder being a parent has gotten. And I can agree to start providing at least four days of childcare per week then go from there. Multiple family members are agreeing with Sandra.”

Now Bobby wants to know if he’s being an a**hole in this situation. Let us know what you think in the comments below. 

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  • What a horrible bunch of people. The father said he was happy for them he did not say I am here at your beck and call. There was no asking, there was no conversation around child care it was just expected from them to dump their kid onto granddad. I think he conveyed his thoughts just right. Parenting is hard through any generation. Some people today don’t want to lose everything they currently have and expect others to do the heavy lifting for them. He is not the A***ole. If they are not willing to look after their own child they shouldn’t have one.


  • Bobby needs to enjoy his life now and enjoy his grandchild. He’s shouldn’t have to be expected to look after the grandchild when they work. Maybe a discussion about it and maybe one day a week have the grandchild.


  • The new parents are entitled and selfish to expect grandad to babysit so they can work. Grandad is still very.young and would also likely work. One thing to mind a baby for a couple of hours, another for an entire work week.


  • Having parents/in-laws who are great grand parents it’s a privilege. They should not be taken for granted!


  • You are the grandparent not the parent so no.


  • I think its a privilege to have a grandparents who can look after grandchildren. We can’t expect that or demand


  • NTA Bobby. Their decision to have a child equals their responsibility to care for their child.
    Maybe the delivery could have been softer but honestly if I was the one being blindsided like this, I may have reacted the same way.
    Good luck to all involved.


  • Grandparents, I don’t think should be ‘stuck’ with the babysitting duty while the parents are at work. As mentioned, they have done their time with the young ones and shouldn’t be enforced, unless the grandparent is happy to.


  • If they didn’t want the responsibility of raising a child I agree she shouldn’t have gotten pregnant. If she expected her father to look after her baby, she should have spoken to him before she fell pregnant. By the sounds of it her and her husband are being the selfish ones. Bobby could agree to one or two days a week that he chooses.


  • Yikes. A lot of assumptions and not enough communication going on here


  • I don’t think this is a conversation that should have been had at the party. It is his retirement to live as he likes he shouldn’t be expected to look after anyone, they should have asked first. If they didn’t want to be stuck with a baby they shouldn’t have tried and succeeded in getting pregnant.


  • Bobby is not the a$$, he is the only one being the reasonable adult explaining the situation. It’s their child, they should look after it. He could baby sit occasionally on a one off etc. He could have maybe not have had the conversation at the party however.


  • My eldest is almost 25, my youngest 12 with two in between. I have told my daughter “I’m still raising my muffins, I won’t be looking after any cupcakes”

    • Lol! That’s the best line – love it


  • No the grandpa to be isn’t in the wrong. Amanda and Chris were obviously trying to have a baby. It’s their responsibility to provide for and look after, not the grandpa.


  • Bobby is not the a_hole.
    If they wanted Bobby’s assistance with babysitting when they are at work or out for “fun” then they should have had that conversation with him and not expected him to do it.
    Maybe he could have waited until they were not at a party to let them know he would not be at their beck and call as a babysitter, but I don’t think he was being that harsh. Parenting is a big responsibility and it will change your life


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