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Article Heartbreaking Confession: ‘I Hate My Toddler And Being A Mum’

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A mum-of-one is trying to navigate some huge feelings around motherhood, after realising she not only ‘detests’ being a mum but ‘resents’ her toddler.

The mum took to an online forum to vent her frustrations, and to see if any other mums feel the same way, or if she’s simply a ‘vile human’.

She prefaces her confession by saying, “No, I’m not depressed,” she explained. “I don’t have a hormonal imbalance nor do I need to ‘speak to someone’ or take tablets. As true as the sky is blue, I detest being a mother and genuinely resent my toddler. Which sends me down a self loathing and hating spiral of guilt and shame daily. Am I the only one?”

She explains that while she does experience some happiness, her existence isn’t anything like that of her friends.

“Don’t get me wrong there are pockets of joy, but these are no where near the idyllic life it appears every parent around me is living. And I cant help but compare and wonder why I don’t have those same warm fuzzy feelings.

“I gave up a career, social life, family life, financial security and just a general feeling of accomplishment in life to now constantly be worried about debt, lack of career, a husband who doesn’t understand anything I’m experiencing, a relationship that is more of a friendship now than a marriage really, minimal contact with family and friends … and all for what?

“A screaming 2 year old who tests me to my limit daily.”

The mum worries that perhaps she just wasn’t cut out for motherhood, but now can’t escape.

“Maybe I just was not built for this. But how do women cope in this situation? Like do you just crack on and hope that you will some how raise a well adjusted individual and get over it?! Like im seriously at rock bottom and am now turning to some sort of validation online from strangers, while people who know me just keep saying, ‘Oh, you don’t mean that’, ‘Oh its just a phase”’, ‘Oh it’s fine you will be fine’. Like seriously am I the only one in the world feeling like this?!?”

Her honest confession was met with lots of support from other mums, who explained that she isn’t the only one.

“The first few years are the toughest but what kept me going was keeping my career, and attempting to hold onto some sort of social life to keep me sane,” one mum explained. “Are there steps you can take to improve even a couple of the areas you are struggling with? I certainly find it easier to parent when I have my own life a little.”

While another wrote, “Other parents aren’t living an idyllic life. Two year olds are tough. I put mine in childcare one day a week just to get a break. Lots of people go back to work just to spend time away from their toddler. They are hard work.”

Others implored the mum to seek professional help.

“You do need to speak to someone. Hating your toddler and being at rock bottom needs to be talked through with someone. It can’t continue like that.”

What is your advice? Share it in the comments below. 

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Comments

  • Is there any chance you could get a part time job to get a break from your child and the house? It would depend on how much you would earn I know, but you’ve gone from having everything you’ve worked hard for to being stuck at home with no one to understand. A lot of Mum’s (including me) can understand and sympathise the situation you’re in now. I hope things work out well for you but please don’t let your child know how you feel about them. I hated my Mother for a long time because she treated me like I was a burden. I’m just glad I got to talk with her before she passed away and we both got some peace.

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  • Lots are saying these feelings will pass. I can’t guarantee that but it’s possible. I hope so cos this kid is destined to grow up disturbed if it feels unloved and unwanted growing up

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  • Hopefully this feeling will pass, the use of day care a couple of times a week can be very helpful and getting back into some work for a break does help. Toodlers can be tough and trust me lately im having issues with my 5 year old and can’t wait to go to work just for a break.

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  • Toddlers can be very challenging and I suspect from reading this that things aren’t great with her hubby and they might need to spend a bit more time together too.
    I think this Mum needs to seek some professional help.

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  • It’s tough but this too will pass, please seek help when needed its so important to think of ourselves too during these times

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  • This too will pass, and one day you will wonder what it was that made you so unhappy with your lot.

    We all have to learn about rearing children and the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the fence, you just think it is at this moment. You too put on a different face when you meet people and are socialising, so why think that others aren’t also doing the same thing. If you talk to them you will find they too have their bad days with their toddlers.

    One thing I learned is there is no magic bullet to parenthood. No other mother can guide you through it because everyone’s circumstances are different. Indeed, every child is different, and what worked or works for one will not work for the next.

    And having been both a working and a SAHM, I would suggest hanging in there at this time as going off to work only shifts the problem top someone else for some hours, and then you have to deal with it yourself again.

    You are not a horrible person or mum – you are human, and we all make mistakes. Remember ‘ To err is human’ so stop being so hard on yourself and you will get through this.

    • I love this comment. So compassionate and sensible.

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  • I think this mum could use some counselling help.

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  • Good on her for being honest. Toddlers are hard work. No everyone is meant to be a parent. She has a few options but this is something she needs to decide on her own. Being pushed one way or another will not help the situation. As long as everyone is safe that’s the main thing. Good luck with your future decisions mumma.

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  • I wonder where this mum is getting the idea from of the idyllic life it appears every parent around her is living ? It’s not helpful to compare your life with that of another. We’re all different with different circumstances. We can however look to ourselves and work on our self or our circumstances. Success to this mum !

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  • Being a mum to a small child can be difficult but I don’t think hating your child is normal. As much as you think you don’t need to talk it honestly sounds like that’s exactly what you need.

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  • Being a mum is so hard, use the tools that are available to you like one mum suggested by putting your child into daycare if this is needed. You need to be healthy and have a good mindset to be a good mum. It is a tough job and one that never stops but i wouldn’t have it any other way. I have hard days and good days but i would never take it back. Look to see what help you can get to manage your 2 year old and perhaps speak to a professional who might be able to provide some advice or guidance that you haven’t considered yet.

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  • I’d agree to speak to someone, sending lots of love

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  • I think sometimes when things feel tough we need to stop and practice an attitude of gratitude. Being a mother is worthwhile and you shouldn’t feel as though you’ve given anything up. This is just one season in your life. Your child is not a baby forever, enjoy them, be thankful for what you have, and then when they’re a little older you can work on your career.

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  • Professional help is the way to go.
    It’s so tough sometimes and I get your feelings. Stay strong mumma, you got this!

    • I agree, it is tough and seeking advise and support is a good thing. We are not alone out there.

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  • Don’t compare to others all the time as you have no idea what their lives are really like, only how you perceive them. They may be going through the same things. Talk to your husband and maybe get professional help.

    • Wise words; comparing lives is never a good thing. Living your life and making the most of it is always the best way to go.

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  • Professional support is important to manage feelings and to navigate through this stage.

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  • I wonder where this mum get’s the idea of the idyllic life it appears every parent around her is living ?

    • I think it would be good to talk with a psychologist when experiencing feelings like this.

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  • They are only small for such a long time! As hard as it can be sometimes, I always remind myself I will miss them like this one day and it helps

    • Very true but when you are in the moment it can be hard to look past it, especially if it occurs a lot.

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  • All I want to do is play this woman a tiny violin. That poor child needs a mummy who loves him. I feel so sorry for them. Very selfish!

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  • Having a child doesn’t completely change your life. You can not hold onto the life you had before having a baby. You need to find your new life adapt find new things that interest you. If you have help chuck bub to a relative go grab hubby and treat him to some romance. You make your life how you want it so go out and enjoy it.

    Reply
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