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I went to kiss my son goodnight tonight. My hubby was reading to him when I went in and the most amazing and bizarre thing happened.

My little man said, “I want mummy to read me a story. I love her the best.” Now whilst I don’t encourage favourites and loving people “the best,” this was a marked moment in history for me as a mum.

Firstly my little man LOVES spending time with daddy. He has very little time with him during the week and so they both cherish every moment when they are home together.

Secondly, I realised just how far I have come as a mum…

About 3 years ago, I had what I call an emotional breakdown. We immigrated back to Australia from overseas and moved straight into our home. 10 days after we arrived our house was burgled and my mum-in-law, who was in the house looking after my then 2 year old, was brutally attacked. Fortunately, she made a near full recovery.

The house was in less than optimal condition and coupled with the blood and forensic dust, we made a quick decision to move out temporarily. This prompted a series of unplanned moves. For various reasons we ended up moving 5 times in 18 months, my mum in law was with us for 2 of those moves.

The last move was the move that broke the camel’s back for me and found I was unable to cope. Thankfully counselling helped me to make a full recovery.

Needless to say, it was stressful time for all of us and most of my time was spent packing and unpacking boxes, arranging removalists, changing contact information for utilities, preparing food for everyone and barely keeping our heads above water.

Being coached almost a whole year later, helped me to realise I carried around an enormous guilt at that time that I was not spending enough time with my boys and I wasn’t giving them what they needed, which was love and attention.

I felt the guilt more so with my youngest because he was only 6 months old when we made the first move so I had missed what I considered most of his babyhood.

One day my coach asked me a series of questions out of which I realised that I had barely made eye contact with my little champ during this time because of the guilt I felt. When I realised this, it was like a HUGE slap in the face.

I vowed that day that I would stop more and make time to play, REALLY pay attention to what he was saying, and get down to his level and MAKE EYE CONTACT. I set up a series of tasks with my coach to ensure I achieved this.

In the first few weeks I noticed a massive difference in our relationship. He came to me as well as daddy when he was hurt or injured. He asked me to help with things he was stuck with. He played with toys and invited me to join him.

Tonight was an absolute peak for me. I was honoured to be asked to read him his story instead of daddy for the first time EVER.

Afterwards I tucked him in, gave him a big cuddle and said to my little man, “Goodnight sweetheart, I love you.” He replied, “I love you mummy: you are one dynamite gal!

Since my coaching, I have been mindful of my behaviour for over 2 years and I am proud of the relationship we have. I have worked hard at it with the changes I have made to my language and behaviour, and I have had so many rewards with the way I now feel, and from him, too.

These rewards drive my passion to work with mums. If I can have the relationship I want with my child, so can you.

Do you have the relationship with your child that you want? How do you make it work?

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
  • Awww what a beautiful little man. Such a special thing to hear from our kiddies. I have a very close relationship with my daughter but often wonder what it would be like if we were to have a boy. Hopefully it would be the same, but different at the same time.
    Thank you for sharing your story :)

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  • I love reading this story. I have two young boys and am acutely aware of being the only girl in our family and how that might affect our relationship as they get older. I kiss, cuddle, hug and snuggle them as often as I can to hopefully reinforce my love for them both. My husband works in the mines and is mostly away. This has a huge impact on the relationship he has with the boys.
    Unfortunately for my husband he is often met with, ‘that’s not how mummy does it’. Nice for me but not for him.

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  • This is how I want to be with my sons. Makes me realise that I need to put the extra effort in with them and then they might love me as much as dad.

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  • I enjoyed this article and I’m glad the author was able to re-connect with her boys.

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  • That’s a hard question to answer! I think I have a great relationship with my kids, but don’t most parents think that? It’s usually not until things go wrong that you realise it may not have been as good as they thought. I’m fairly confident I’m right with my kids though, fingers crossed

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  • Beautiful article.

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  • How beautiful!! I struggle with a connection with my boys since having my girl. Not favouritism as such, but when she was a month old, we nearly lost her, and I have just held her closer since. She is now almost 2 and not so much with needing mummy now, and I have realised how bad my relationship is with my boys. I am slowly getting back there with them, and they are coming to me with their problems. Still have a LONG way to go, but I am sure we will get there like you have!! Thank-you for sharing your amazing story, definitely gives me a lot of inspiration and much to look forward to =D

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  • I really enjoyed this story, it was written with honesty and had a good outcome in the end

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  • aww such a sweet story.

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  • I have bonded really well with 3 of my 4 children but my second son, I hate to admit but our relationship is a struggle. We clash and he frustrates me and gets under my skin. His dad knows how to deal with him better. Will try to make a conscious effort to really hear him.

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  • I love my bond with my 19 month old it’s a special one : )

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  • We can only do our best.

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  • I’m fairly happy with the relationship I have with my son. We have our things and he has his things with his Dad. He is now a teen so I understand the friendship and relationship he has with his Dad is so important. But I love that he’s still happy to talk to me about ‘big’ things (sex and girls!) and to do things with me that are ours eg. shopping! I think our relationship has changed over time and expect it will again.

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  • Thank you for sharing. It’s great.

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  • I had a strong bond with my son because whatever I ‘promised’ I did. All my children hated me saying ‘I’ll see’ instead of ‘I promise’ bur I was let down so often with promises that I declared my children never would be. So a promise was a promise that was kept. And we are now all friends with the children in their 50’s.
    I loved your story and how you overcame adversity. Do hope your husband doesn’t get his nose out of joint, and knows where you’re coming from and that you are not pushing him out of the picture with your sons. They need both of you.


    • that is amazing. don’t make promises you can’t or don’t intend to keep as children remember everything. i am glad that you broke the cycle. it is vital that our kids trust us.

    Reply

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