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July 20, 2020

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During isolation, most of us were forced to take a good look at our relationships, some we want to nurture, some we’d prefer to move on without. If you’ve got a relationship that you’d prefer to walk away from here is a great little piece on how to finally delete that draining relationship.

Isolation was a time that amplified how our relationships with others make us feel emotionally, mentally, and physically – whether it’s a partner, friend or colleague.

Most of the time we take the rough with the smooth. However, being in isolation has allowed us to reflect on our lives and the way certain relationships can affect our mood adversely. We can cherish the traits and commonalities that first attracted us to that person, and we come to accept the idiosyncrasies.

But over time this dynamic can shift, sometimes to the point where neither party feels there is any value left in the relationship.

The spark of romance fizzles out, families feud and friendships turn cold to the point where there’s no enjoyment. The feeling of tension can become overwhelming and in some cases destructive.

Signs you’re in a toxic relationship:


Walking on eggshells

If you’re anxious about another’s reaction to anything you say or do it’s a clear sign that things have turned sour. Always worried you haven’t liked enough of their Instagram posts? Or you Wake up wondering that you have done something to upset them? You may fall into a pattern whereby you avoid sharing your opinions with them, asking them a question, or even messaging them because you are uncertain of their mood. Don’t fall hostage to their moods, don’t let your happiness depend on theirs.

A game of unequal halves

The effort each party puts into a relationship is unlikely to be the same all of the time and who wants to keeps tabs of this anyway? If your friend, family member or partner is going through a difficult patch by all means support them, but if you are continually feeling as though you’re not getting anything in return, it could be time to pull back.

They call the shots

Someone can exert control directly or indirectly. Tactics can involve guilt-tripping and when someone knows you well, they’ll know your weak points and therefore, which buttons to press to get their way. Controlling behaviour can be difficult to recognise for what it is, but if you find you have an increasing dependence on the person involved, or you lose sight of what you ultimately want and where you want to be, it’s time to evaluate that relationship. Remember you are not responsible for someone else’s desire to control you and you don’t need to put up with it.

Green-eyed monster

Is your friend always the last to congratulate you on your successes? Do they flaunt other friendships in your face? These are signs that they are jealous which is a direct reflection if their insecurities. You need friends that are your “running buddies”, not ones that bring you down due to their own jealousy. This is not conducive to your personal growth.

 

Action plan

Know when to move on

If you are not feeling valued, supported or happy, or the friendship is draining or chipping away at your confidence try to distance yourself. Unnecessary negativity and backstabbing or even just a lack of communication can drain you mentally, physically and emotionally.

If your friend is no longer helping you feel good about yourself or supporting you in any way, resist an angry outburst and quietly leave the friendship with your dignity intact and your head held high.

Don’t wait for an apology

Because it almost never comes. We cannot control anyone but ourselves, no matter how much we may want to. No matter how much we want someone to change, only they can make the decision to make any alterations in their life. We need to know that we did not deserve the poor treatment, and that the best thing we can do for ourselves is to move on and genuinely know in our hearts that we deserve better.

Embrace forgiveness

Don’t make the mistake of thinking you always have to wait until hurt and anger passes before forgiving your toxic friends. Forgiveness is actually a deliberate and intentional act. It is a decision that restores vitality, possibility and integrity to your life.

Ultimately to forgive someone means to cancel the debt you feel they owe you. It is a surrender and release of the hurt that has passed between you. Forgiveness can change your past and the present by helping you give it a different purpose. The purpose of your life is not to carry a grievance.

Fill the void

It is important when moving forward to fill your life with enriching activities and alternative sources of happiness. Focus on things that make you happy – family, friends, work and hobbies.

Embrace the new life you are about to embark on. Self-love and self-care is a priority during the healing time. Surround yourself with positive people. Stay busy with those you can trust and confide in. And remember to stay tuned to the red flags earlier in your encounters with people.

 

 

 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Marianne Vicelich is a highly acclaimed self-help author, relationship coach, philanthropist, and entrepreneur. Her books merge empowering psychology with realistic and tangible verse. Marianne teaches women of all ages the importance of self-love, forgiveness, fearlessness and courage.

The LA Times hailed her books as an “inspirational must-have” and Grazia Magazine as “spiritually beautiful”. Since the launch of her first book in 2008 she has sold her books internationally in Europe, UK, Asia, the Middle East, Africa, and the USA.

Her work has been featured internationally on the NBC Network USA, Harper’s Bazaar, Marie Claire, Italian Grazia, The Independent UK, The LA Times and more. She is also a regular contributor to The Huffington Post, Cosmopolitan Magazine and Body and Soul.

Marianne Vicelich is paving the way for a new genre of self-help inspirational books for girls and women who would not be caught dead reading self-help.

 

 


Destruction – Free Yourself from The Narcissist by Marianne Vicelich shows you how to liberate yourself from draining personal relationships with narcissists and regain a sense of peace, balance and well-being in your life. Marianne Vicelich will help you identify, cope with, and ultimately overcome the destructive behaviour of narcissists.

RRP $29.99 |  Available as hardback & eBook | Amazon, Dymocks and Good Reads | ISBN: 9780987551870 | https://www.mariannevicelich.com.

  • It is so hard

    Reply

  • I disconnected from my SIL. I feel like alot of big events in my life the last few years, she couldn’t be happy for us. I accept she is married to my brother but it doesn’t mean I have to be friends eith someone who tries to spoil major life events for me and my family.

    Reply

  • Wow reading this was what was happening in my life. I was stuck in a cycle and it finally came crashing down after me wasting years and years of my life on a narcissistic man. I finally stood up for myself. Now raising 4 children on my own is no walk in the park but feels a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am feeling happier than I have ever felt in 15 years.

    Reply

  • I can imagine that these sorts of relationships are ones that you can enter into without realising. It can start out nice but progressively become more negative and draining. It helps to have supportive people telling you what they see to point it out to you.

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  • I have no room for negative relationships in my life and happily stay away from toxic people. I choose to surround myself with positivity and positive people.

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  • It’s hard to delete toxic relationships especially with family members. Good to distance yourself and learn how to deflect their comments so your not so hurt.

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  • Forgiveness can change you mentally, physically and emotionally.

    Reply

  • I rid myself of a toxic relationship with my narcissistic sister before COVID and I have never felt freer, more at peace, happier. I’m just sorry it took me so long.

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  • Sometimes it is so freeing to release yourself from these damaging relationships. Life really is too short :)


    • It is liberating and it allows a person to live their very best life.

    Reply

  • I’ve always tried to keep in touch with my late best friends daughter but she has a way of making you feel guilty for being happy. I now just wait for her to get in contact with me if she needs anything. I feel bad for her because she lost her Mum but I can only do so much. These are some good tips that I’m intending to follow


    • Good that you have been reaching out to her though !

    Reply

  • This came at a great time for me. Perfect read. Thanks heaps. Hard but I know what I have to do

    Reply

  • Not always easy !
    The relationship with my once very best friend turned into a toxic relationship. She’s the half aunt of the 2 foster children I have under a guardianship and is the only family member that is in contact with my girls. Due to that fact it’s hard for me totally break contact with her which I absolutely would love to do. Instead I’ve been working on keeping a certain distance and working on repair at the same time, whilst setting clear boundaries.

    Reply

  • It’s hard but if you aren’t valued then walk away. Someone else will treat you right

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  • I would like to be told calmly and politely why someone is leaving a relationship with me.

    Reply

  • My 11 year old is learning about this at the moment. It’s better to be happy by cutting off draining relationships.

    Reply

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