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The husband says he works full time (he’s an essential worker) and believes his wife is lazy and doesn’t do enough around the house, especially as she is a stay at home mum.

A concerned husband has taken to popular parenting forum Mumsnet to ask if he is being unreasonable to call his stay at home wife lazy. The husband says that his wife, a mum of one, doesn’t do much housework during the day and he often comes home to chaos and mess.

Sharing The Load

The husband said that he is embarrassed by the state of their home and that his wife has become increasingly ‘lazy’ since she gave up work last year. And it’s become even worse now that she doesn’t leave the house because of the Coronavirus threat.

“There’s always a sink full of pots and they usually stay there until I do them,” he wrote. “She rarely hoovers or polishes or cleans the bathrooms. We get takeaways a lot so she doesn’t have to cook every day and even when she does it’s usually something very straightforward. We have someone do our ironing for us so she doesn’t even have to do that!”

The husband admitted that he doesn’t do much to help around the house but has taken on extra work and overtime to enable his wife to stay at home with their son.

“My wife has had depression since she was pregnant and it’s probably due to that that she’s not motivated but I feel like there’s always an excuse,” he said. “When we first met she lived alone and her house was a mess but I thought it was probably because she worked full time and didn’t have the time.”

Agree To Disagree

Comments on the post were divided with some saying that the mum definitely isn’t pulling her weight.

“Yes, she is lazy. No excuse for not doing housework or dishes from the night before,” wrote one forum user.

“I suffer from depression…but I still always make sure the house is clean and the kids are happy.”

“She’s been messy since you met her,” wrote another. “But when you have kids, you need to grow up and keep your house clean.”

Others, however, were more sympathetic about the mum’s situation. “She isn’t doing nothing. She is looking after a toddler!” one wrote. “Being unmotivated because of depression isn’t the same as being lazy,” another said.

We think this husband should probably consider his wife’s mental health and the home-isolation situation before calling her ‘lazy’ but we can also understand his frustration about the amount of mess he is coming home to each day.

This couple definitely need to have an honest conversation about whether their current arrangement is the best thing for both of them…

Do you think stay-at-home parents should be expected to do all the housework? Share your thoughts in the comments!

  • every situation is different. In my situation, when I was a stay at home mum with four kids under four I would do all the ‘chores’ during the day and by the time my husband got home it would look like I’d done nothing. I tried my best. Now I’m the one working and my husband stays at home and I pitch in when I can. Partly because I think over time, the monotony of the housework creates lack of motivation. But I don’t mind.

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  • Not all but a good amount

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  • I think this requires a discussion between two adults. I can see his point, but also need to better understand his wife’s mental health. He needs to be honest with her.

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  • I don’t think they should be expected to all the house work but as a part-time worker I definitely do more of the house work as I think it’s only fair as my husband works long days. He helps with cooking a couple of times a week and does loads of washing too so I’m pretty lucky, but I do wish he’d help more with things like vacuuming/mopping, cleaning bathrooms on weekends

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  • As a stay home mum i know this situation. Sometimes i feel the same way. But i am glad my husband understand me.He is doing some household task without telling me to do.


    • I was in your boat too, I married a guy who really understood me!

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  • I personally don’t think her husband is asking too much. Her mental health is of concern but I’ve noticed if I keep busy it makes me feel better and then I’m not laying around all day. I guess we each cope in our own ways but he met her seeing how she kept house and married her anyway. I think a nice cuppa and a sit down is needed. Express yourselves and try to come to a solution, even if it starts with baby steps.

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  • Yes I do think she is being lazy. I empathise that she suffers from depression but I suffer from anxiety and mild depression and I am a full time working single mum and I manage to keep the house tidy. If she gets overwhelmed maybe she should consider counselling and maybe even having a daily planner might help her.

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  • I don’t really understand depression that much but I do know if you start thinking of others you generally don’t have time to feel depressed. Doing the housework could give her purpose and help with her emotional state. I’ve been at home with 2 young children before and managed to get all the work done and play with the children. There’s no excuse.

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  • I don’t think it’s right to expect her to do all of the housework but I do think she should be doing the basics. There is no reason why she can’t put the dishes in to soak for a few minutes to make them easier to clean, then lay a tea-towel over them so they drip dry. As for the vacuuming that could be done on the weekend and they could do it together. What you need to remember is that you are away from the house all day and can be doing something productive while all she has is 4 walls and a baby who can’t talk to her or help. You need to work things out with her, talk it over and come up with a solution that works for the both of you.

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  • It’s not easy juggling house work , keeping kids happy and going about the day … some partners need to either help with the load or not be judgemental!! Or better yet swap days with them where they stay home with the kids and then see how they cope!!

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  • He first needs to check her mental health. Then they need to sit down and discuss their expectations. Unless he’s been a stay at home parent he has no idea what it’s like during the day when the other parent is at work

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  • Think if she was messy before they married, he had a good insight into how she would be later. Once a messy person always a messy person I have found.

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  • I wonder how supportive he is of her and is she getting help with depression? If he is addressing this first then maybe he and his wife can set some reasonable goals and expectations, together for each of them.

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  • Smells sellfish husband to me

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  • If she has depression then he needs to help her. She might feel overwhelmed by her child that housework is the last thing on her mind. Sometimes I don’t do my housework but then my partner and I work together to get it done and not or blame in the other. I am a stay at home parent but he knows how much I do to entertain and care for our 2 active children

    Reply

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