I think it’s fine to be pragmatic, and for those saying she maybe shouldnt have posted this on FB, perhaps it was to a select group of her FB contacts, and it saves trying to have the same communication numerous times in repeat. Also, it’s a good green alternative to buying yet more plastic junk and duplicates, never mind that everyone is having to stretch the budget even more now. I applaud it.

I don’t blame them. We live in such a world of excess that a small baby doesn’t “need” anything.
memberships or gift cards to zoos or museums that the whole family can enjoy.
You’re never going to satisfy people who have a love language of gifting physcial gifts. But they may eventually see it your way.

• • 
  • • mom93821 replied
    • 24 Nov 2024 , 5:54 am

  ---

  I agree that some people do buy and give gifts as their love language and it such a good idea to flip this and show it with kind acts and experiences instead of ‘stuff’. I love experiences for birthdays and Christmas instead of more clutter in the house. Experiences can also be shared by the entire family.

I would not be at all offended and agree with little ones not needing loads of toys and clothing. I would happily agree with this request and it is baffling why those close to the family would be so upset. There are plenty of other lovely things to do at Christmas time.

People have to respect that the child’s Mother and Father are the ones making the rules for their child and their family. The parents are letting people know in advance, so they have pleanty of time to think l, or ask for alternative ideas. I see no problem with this.

I think this was the right thing to do. What if the gift givers turned up and wanted to know where their gift was? I’m sure they’d be more offended to know that it was given away because it was surplus to what was used. Setting up a bank account would be a better idea. That’s what I did for my Grandson and Granddaughters and I’ve also set it up for my 2 Great Grandsons. All you need to do is give a card with a little money in it that the parents can bank for them.

This is smart and the people who were sent this message should be happy that they are not wasting their money. If they gave money for the 3 month old, the parents can set up a bank account for him/her. Why do people think everything is about them. These parents are being reasonable

I back this mum to the ends of the earth with this!
We kept everything from our first child to re-use for our second child. Neither of our kids need anything (our eldest even saying she doesn’t want anything). We have multiples of everything you can think of, people just buy things for the sake of buying. The cost of living is rising and the last thing we need to worry about is spending our money on more toys.
We’ve also told our family to not gift our children, they refuse.
Our option is money, to either go towards clothes or so they can learn to save to buy something they know they want (not something they’re told by grandparents they want). Or to go towards zoo passes, after school activities or even school uniforms.
Our families have disregarded us and have bought more toys, which I understand is more fun for a child to open. But toys end up in landfills, my children learning how to swim and have new school clothes seems more important to me.

Totally understandable and practical. Maybe she could have made suggestions in the post such as books and swimming lessons, like she said.

I think her request is perfectly reasonable and I can totally understand. I always allowed people to give whatever they would like and was always thankful for it, but my children have always ended up with way too many toys and I don’t really even buy them any (only on the rare occasion if there’s something I know they really want or need like outdoor play). I would much rather people gift experiences, etc. as there is just too much!

I think she should have listed items that she would have liked, instead of saying no toys or clothes and probably not put it on Facebook, but mentioned it in passing. I have bought so many clothes for my Grandson and my daughter just says “I have enough size 00 can you buy 0 size”

Personally I wouldn’t post something like that on Facebook as it’s very indirect. If you want to share such message that talk about it in person. Besides this I’ve always taught my kids to look at the gesture: it’s not about what they get, but about the fact that the giver has gone out of his/her way to spoil the receiver, whether they like the gift or not.

I’m not sure why people would get so upset about her request. Is it because they can’t think of other gifts besides clothes and toys?

I think the way the Mom wrote her request was reasonable but too many are easily offended. I think with close friends or family OK – let them know exactly what you are wanting or hoping for, but with everyone else, say thank you and then if you don’t need, play it forward. Just me.

I don’t think it’s right to post something like this. Her comment that she wants someone to gift her child swimming lessons is ludicrous if no one knows that’s what she is seeking. The best option is to ask for cash, failing that, she is welcome to sell the toys and clothes that she doesn’t want.

I think the request is reasonable but for grandparents I would speak in person about it.
Or… let nanny & grandpa get a few gifts and limit the toys and clothes elsewhere, whilst also making them aware you can’t keep them forever due to the limited living space. They can keep them at their house if needed!
I think a discussion with Parents and grandparents about your own parenting values as new parents (less is more, experiences not stuff) would be well received but I don’t think it’s reasonable to completely prevent their gift giving. It’s a way they may show love. Encourage them to learn to show their love by taking your child to special experiences together as they grow. Special time for little child and grandparents just for them (if appropriate) as the child grows. And by creating rituals that they have together. Sunday morning park trips, monthly trips to the river or beach. Having seasonal traditions.
If you provide these alternate ideas in person whilst making your request you will be better received.

Really it is up to the parents what a child gets. At 3 months old they are not going to know what is going on. Yes it might be hard on others who want to give something. I have had 3 children whose 1st Christmas was only a few weeks after their births. For these children I was the only one to give them a small present as my family said they were too young. The oldest child I had for a 1st Christmas was born in March of that year and she was still too young to understand. She was born with a 16 year gap so yes we did not have left over clothing or toys.

Totally understand, I personally would offer to put money that would have been spent towards something useful/future needs even shares if you can afford it, we all know kids are expensive.
I also understand some ppl would be upset but parent’s choice to say no gifts.

I think this is completely okay, but maybe she should have put some suggestions in the post: books, gift cards so we can buy toys and clothes at a more appropriate time, contributions to something liek swimming lessons.

I think this is ok and there was nothing wrong with this mum saying she didn’t want toys or clothes. Some people are just over sensitive and need to stop and think, ok this mum is being organised and helpful trying to let people know what not to waste their money on. It is totally fine to set expectations and if you don’t like it, don’t go to the party or buy a gift.

I think this is totally an okay thing to do. If you know it’s not going to be valued or used it’s best to set the expectations. My SIL and I check with each other what gifts we should get for our toddlers. I don’t want to give her something she doesn’t want/need and give her another chore to return anything. Would I have made a Facebook post about it? Probably not. A message might be better received. But the meaning is all the same.