'I Don't Want To Give My Sister Money For IVF'

The death of a father and the dividing up of a family estate has led to strained relationships between siblings, as one struggles to make her dream of having children come true.

Three siblings have been left their inheritance, after their 65-year-old father passed away. But one brother, who says he doesn’t need the money, is considering giving his share to his brother with children, rather than his sister who is struggling with infertility.

“I have enough money and don’t really need the inheritance,” the 34-year-old man explained on reddit. “My siblings and I were talking about the money that is supposed to be divided three ways.

“I’m childless, my 33-year-old brother has three small kids and my 41-year-old sister has been trying for a baby for over a decade now.

“I told them since I don’t need the money, I’m thinking of giving it to my brother, because he has been struggling financially and can use the money. My sister asked if I could instead give it to her for her last round of IVF (that would cost her share plus my share of the inheritance) as it’s her last chance to have a baby.”

While the brother sympathised with his sister’s struggles, having himself dealt with infertility with his ex-partner, he doesn’t intend to give her the money.

“I told her I’m sorry, but our brother doesn’t have much money and has three kids depending on him, so I feel that it’s better he gets my money. She asked me if my brother’s kids are more important than hers and I said, ‘Well yes, the living children take priority over the imaginary’.

“She was very hurt, called me an a**hole for 1)not helping her out and 2)insulting her and belittling her struggles.”

Now the brother wants to know if he’s really in the wrong. What do you think he should do with the money? Let us know in the comments below.

We may get commissions for purchases made using links in this post. Learn more.

43 Comments

- - ashna9 said
  - 01 Sep 2022
    8:40 pm
Keep the money and save the family dramas and resentment.

- - mom461384 said
  - 11 Aug 2022
    3:43 pm
This would be a very hard situation for him. Understandably difficult to come to a decision.

- - mum1 said
  - 31 Jul 2022
    11:00 pm
This is such a hard situation to be in. I can see both sides of it. Maybe they should put it in a term deposit for a while so it earns some interest and then decide later

- - Zmijka86 said
  - 25 Jul 2022
    8:43 pm
Its hard situations. Hard to say what to do if we don’t know whole story.

- - Lividanke said
  - 18 Jul 2022
    2:23 pm
While I think it’s his money and he can do whatever he wants with it, give it to who he wants, I think he could have gone about it in a different way.
If he really wanted to just give it to his brother for his kids, maybe he could have done it quietly without the sister knowing, as it’s obviously a touchy and sensitive topic for her.
I can understand where she’s coming from, she’s probably desperate for a child and willing to put everything she has into giving it one last try.

- - snazzy007 said
  - 28 Jun 2022
    9:41 am
Why doesn’t he give them both some.

- - mom485263 said
  - 27 Jun 2022
    9:44 pm
It is his money to do as he wishes but I sense it may create a riff in the family if he gifts it to one sibling and not another, BUT I can understand why he wishes to help out his brother with his children.

- - Jessica said
  - 27 Jun 2022
    8:35 pm
I kind of agree with the brother. Given the sister has struggled through multiple rounds of IVF, there’s no guarantee this round would work, when the money would really help his brothers family who already have expenses with children

- - rovermum said
  - 27 Jun 2022
    5:14 pm
Ooh, tricky. Can he split it between the two?

- - mom321189 said
  - 27 Jun 2022
    9:43 am
I agree to share the money with his brother who has three kids. But i do not agree on how he delivered the message to his sister. Maybe they do not have a good relationship to start with.

- - sharna_booth_weinrowski said
  - 27 Jun 2022
    7:36 am
What a priceless gift

- - broo-rocky said
  - 27 Jun 2022
    12:40 am
It depends on what relationship you want with your siblings in future. It you want an equal relationship, then give the money equally (or not at all). It is your choice and your money, but as it is now known that you are giving the money away, of course someone will be hurt if they will be left out.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 26 Jun 2022
    9:41 pm
The sister doesn’t really get a say. It’s his money to do with as he chooses.

- - mom160289 said
  - 26 Jun 2022
    8:10 am
A very tough one here. But I can see his point. I think perhaps sharing a portion would help

- - mom93821 said
  - 26 Jun 2022
    7:15 am
When money is inherited it is ultimately the choice of an individual/s to decide what to do with it.
People should probably use there money before they pass and leave none to fight over!
We have advised our in laws to spend their money before they pass and enjoy their money, they worked for it!
- Ellen replied
  
  26 Jun 2022 , 7:35 am
  Definitely !
  My parents gave us for many years a portion an xx amount of money when they were still alive, whilst living a good live themselves too.
  My in-laws however try to save as much as possible for their children, whilst living very sober themselves.
  - mom93821 replied
    
    30 Jun 2022 , 8:42 pm
    
    Such a wise way to live too. I would much rather live that way too. A good life for all makes sense.