A financially stressed wife has asked her husband to stop paying so much child support to his ex, prompting him to claim she’s encouraging him to be a ‘bad father’.
The 37-year-old mum of one, who shares a four-year-old daughter with her husband, says his financial contributions to his six-year-old son from a previous relationship are sending them broke.
“He and his ex have an arrangement where in addition to the £350 he pays as legal child maintenance, he also pays for a number of other things on top,” the woman explained on reddit. “School uniforms, school trips, the lion’s share of Christmas and birthday presents, but also things like contributions towards petrol for the school run, food shopping, utilities for the power his son’s Xbox uses etc. The list his ex supplies every month is honestly endless.
“Often he’s paying two or more times his legal contribution in a month. This is on top of his son staying with us approximately every other weekend where of course we pay for everything because he’s in our home.”
The woman explains her 38-year-old husband earns £45,000 a year, and she works part time due to child care costs, so their combined income is £65,000. While she admits some people may think it’s a decent income, she says it doesn’t stretch far enough. “After our own bills, mortgage, childcare and looking after our daughter, car payments and saving for an emergency fund etc, to then also pay £700+ a month to his ex. It leaves us stressing about money a lot.”
‘He said I’m encouraging him to be a bad father’
The situation came to a head, when she raised the issue with her husband.
“We had an argument last night about money where he was worrying about us affording Christmas on top of the gas bill crisis going on at the moment, and I basically told him if he stopped paying everything his ex asked for we would be in a better position for savings. That he didn’t need to pay for every single cost associated with his son and that his ex should shoulder more of the costs. (She also has a partner who she lives with and I feel like my husband is funding them as much as he is his son)
“He said I’m encouraging him to be a bad father, that I would certainly shut up if I was in his exes position i.e. he left me and didn’t pay up. I said if I was in his ex’s position I wouldn’t use his child as a pawn to rinse him for extra money all the time when he has another child to provide for too. This escalated until he ended up sleeping in the spare room and hasn’t spoken to me yet this morning aside from briefly in front of our daughter at breakfast.”
While she admits she doesn’t know her partner’s ex’s income, she assumes their combined income must be, ‘at least be about the same as ours given the job he does and her part time job.’
The worried mum says her family may now have to downsize because they can barely break even every month and has no emergency savings.
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