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It’s a true story…and one that still haunts my nightmares. I was actually accused of murdering my grandmother! And some part of me has always believed it may be true.

Three days after my birthday, my grandmother passed away. And my life changed forever – just three short years ago.

Instantly, I was accused of ‘murdering’ her – by my own mother. And it broke me because I knew extremely well that it was a huge possibility that if not for me, my grandmother would still be alive.

The last time I saw my nan was on my birthday. My family came over that evening as they always do and it was somewhat of a circus as it usually is.

I remember the outfit!

I remember having to change out of an outfit I had bought myself because my mother insisted that I wear something else due to how stupid she felt I looked.

Of course, I did put up a good fight to be able to continue wearing what I wanted. A heck of a lot of thought went into my outfit. In fact, it was sort of a combined birthday as well as somewhat of a ‘congratulations’ to myself for losing a hell of a lot of weight!

It Should Have Been A Celebration!

I had lost over 20kgs. I was feeling fit, fabulous and it had felt like forever since I had been able to fit into a size 8. So I was celebrating myself.

Alright, I will be the first to admit that I possibly wouldn’t have walked out of my home in what I was wearing. It was a little different, to say the least. I had chosen a full-length tulle skirt with a white top. The combination could perhaps have been better suited for a younger person, or possibly someone without children….or maybe I’m just saying this now because of all the negative things my mum said to me to force me to go and change out of it.

Either way, I never attempted to wear those gorgeous clothes ever again, even in the comfort of my own home. And I felt awful about my appearance once more.

Heartache!

That’s how the evening started. By ridiculing me until I changed into my ‘mum uniform’ of sweats and a hoodie. I didn’t even get to have a photograph of myself in the other outfit. I remember regretting having changed especially when my mother refused to be in the photos with me and my grandmother. My nan tried so hard to coax her to join us – but to my mum, we simply weren’t worth the effort.

That’s the last photograph I have of my grandmother and I can still see the heartache in her eyes.

Three days later my grandmother passed away. And my mother blamed me entirely, telling me in no uncertain terms that I was responsible for ‘murdering’ her.

I was a bit sick

I was unwell on my birthday – not that it stopped my mum from inviting herself over. In fact, she has always feared that if she doesn’t show up on the day, that I may just have an amazing time with my friends or even my in-laws… my mother couldn’t have that. And sadly I had passed my bug on to my nan.

Of course, it wasn’t intentional!

It wasn’t deliberate. I didn’t have any intention of cutting her life short and realistically there was no stopping my mum from showing up on my birthday. But still, I wear the blame for my grandmother’s passing. I’m constantly reminded, even on my birthday, that if not for me, my nan would still be alive today. Well, that’s the way that my mum says it with such hate and conviction that isn’t easy to look past.

And what about HER part in the whole thing?

Somehow she doesn’t see the part she played in all of it. She doesn’t recognise that she forces herself on me, to prevent me from being able to do anything that I’d love to be doing. Nor does she want to face the fact that on the day my grandmother died my mum didn’t actually follow her own doctor’s advice.

My mum called the doctor, gave him my grandmother’s symptoms and he instructed her to bring my nan straight in. He insisted that if she didn’t, my grandmother would not see the next day.

Sadly my mum didn’t heed his advice. She felt she knew better. And now finds comfort in persecuting me alone for my nan’s passing.

Get rid of Toxic relationships!

Realistically no matter what the age or health of a person, no one is guaranteed a tomorrow. Just look at how many young lives are tragically lost before they’re even started.

It truly is how we choose to live our lives, the way we treat one another and what kind of an impact we have for the short duration of time we are blessed to experience on this incredible Earth, that really matters.

We shouldn’t have to tolerate nastiness on the basis that it’s coming from our boss, or spouse and especially not one’s own mother. I hope that anyone facing this sort of destructive behaviour finds it within to free themselves from the toxic relationship. Because everyone deserves to be happy – life is far too short to spend it any other way!

How would you react if your mum accused you of murdering a loved one? Tell us in the comments below.

  • She is a nasty piece of work! She needs to be cut from your life for sure!

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  • I was never one of my Mum’s favourites until she needed something. It was always my older sister who was “special” and needed to get all the attention or my younger brother who could do no wrong. I was only good if I bought her cigarettes or gave them money. I got to see Mum the day before she passed away and on her death bed she told me she had always been proud of me and was so sorry for what she’d put me through. I recently found out my sister passed away (nearly 12 months ago) and my nieces have never been in contact. My brother now calls me with his problems and I just listen to him until he works out what to do. You need to live your life for you and DO NOT listen to your mother saying it’s all your fault. She is the one who caused your grandmother’s death by not listening to the doctor. You need to distance yourself from her and live your own life. Also, congratulations on your weight loss. I’m proud of you

    Reply

  • I’m so sorry this happened. I have disconnected myself from a toxic narcissistic sister in my family, and also severely reduced interaction with my Mum who totally supports my eldest sister always. It’s been so challenging and upsetting and only now having moved far away and over a few years can I now feel the benefit of it all. I’m happy. My sister and Mum are exactly the type that would accuse me of something like that given the opportunity; as are my in-laws actually. They’re worse. They accuse me of being responsible for all the bad things that happen in their life. You just need to disassociate yourself from them and live your best life. It’s okay to do that.

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  • This sounds harsh but I would have cut her out of my life then and there. There is no way she should have had to put up with that blatant persecution for most of your life. Good luck with your future-may it be filled with happiness.

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  • I’m sure you know this… but your mother bears more responsibility for your Nan’s death than you do.

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  • No one is to blame for a death, unless the life is taken deliberately through force … this is such a sad and tragic story ….

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  • What? This is such twisted logic. It sounds like the guilt your Mum is feeling is being put on to you. Don’t buy into it. Love should be unconditional, freeing, accepting and forgiving.

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  • Such sad story. First of all your mums whole attitude towards you of ridiculing and disrespecting you breaks my heart. But her accusation of murdering your nan is so wrong ! Fair enough you weren’t well, but it was not your mistake your nan got sick and you couldn’t do anything about that. Don’t believe the lies of your mum ! The very fact that she herself refused the Doctors advice is more likely the cause of your nan’s death.
    I would take distance of my mum when she would continue to be this toxic.

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  • Sorry for your hard time.

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  • Wow, I don’t think I’d ever want to see my mum again. That’s taking it way too far and sounds the mother was the sole cause of death anyway- she should’ve taken the nan to hospital- she was told to do that! Probably just trying to ease her own guilty conscience.

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  • So sad for your loss :(
    It is best to keep toxic people away.

    Reply

  • Life and death is not in our control, whatever happened was not your fault. Stay strong.

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  • How heartbreaking for you. To lose one you love is hard enough, but to be accused of it, I honestly can’t imagine what that would be like. I don’t know what happened with your mother to make her like that, but one thing I do know is that you are totally blameless. None of it is your fault.

    Reply

  • This is totally not your fault!! Much love to you xx

    Reply

  • Thank you for sharing your story. It must be hard

    Reply

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