Though you don’t see him often and it would be hard to through away time together as a family, I’d sit him down next time he is home and explain that he has absolutely no idea how much you do on a day to day basic. Write him a list of what he has to do and then go out for the day.

Gosh i feel you mumma! Sometimes my partner says it in passing, not in a rude way, but he just doesnt understand how his words land. It’s the work they dont see we put in. The mental load and making sure everyone has everything! Until he had a month off and basically did what i did and he now understands!

Do you want to go back to work? If you do then look around at options for childcare. Have you looked at receiving help from the NDIS for your child with Autisum?.. It might be worth looking into.
Perhaps when your husband is home dont be so accommodating for him and leave him with the kids for the day and a list of th8ings that need to be done. Just go out, switch your phone off and relax with a book in the park or something. Let him see exactly why you are overwhelmed. He should be fine as he finds what you do no stress at all.

The best thing you could do would be to go back to your old career and put the children into care. That would show your husband all the little things you do across the day and the week which adds up to your job. I always say I went back to work as my break as looking after kids full time is much more exhausting!

I think hubby needs a reality check here. He is off living his best life with a dream job overseas, only home at weekends and not really being a father or husband at all! It’s no life for the struggling wife and really not fair for her. She really needs to try and find a support network and hubby needs to find ways he can step up, even if it is just at weekends. He is a parent too.

Let him take the kids for 7 days while you take a vacation to your parents house without the kids and let him swallow his words. Unbelievable. I feel outraged reading this, you deserve more from your partner than that. You deserve someone with empathy and who can see your value! Unbelievable

Let him take the kids for 7 days while you take a vacation to your parents house without the kids and let him swallow his words. Unbelievable. I feel outraged reading this, you deserve more from your partner than that. You deserve someone with empathy and who can see your value! Unbelievable

I’m so sorry. I suggest the next time he’s home you go away for a few days, just you. Firstly, you deserve a break and more importantly, he will get just a hint of what you do. Leave no instructions or directions. See how he deals with it. If that doesn’t change his mind, then you’re in the wrong partnership I believe.

It’s really sad reading your story. You’ve got your hands full. You deserve a break, but since that seems unattainable with your partner, you at the very least deserve respect and praise! Not ridicule and extra pressure.. I can empathize because I was in a a similar position. My partner would say Saturday’s were his ‘mental health’ days as apparently, I got them every day since I didn’t work!
I’m shocked by how people still see it this way.
Anyway, all I can say is you’re not alone.
If you haven’t already, you could apply for NDIS funding to support your child with Autism. Stay strong mama! x

That’s very disheartening that your husband doesn’t value the contribution you make. Perhaps a reminder that without you fulfilling the role you do, he wouldn’t be able to fulfill his.
Additionally, he gets to clock off but you do not. You are on call 24/7 and your work never stops.
Hopefully he’s willing to have an open discussion with you about this, and recognises the mental and physical load you’re carrying. And what the consequences would be if you burn out.

Easter is coming up and I am wondering if you could possibly get away for a week at least without the children …leave your husband to mind the children and run the house . I am sure he will soon realise just how very important you are. It will give you a very need break.

Maybe try sit down with your husband and have a deep conversation on how you are both feeling with the changes. Being a stay at home mum is not easy at all and I’m sorry that you are going through with your own mental health issues at the same time.

The comment below from ChiWren is so very on point about burn out. People can indeed experience burn out at work and home and in many areas of life. In any partnership; it is so very important to support each other and lift each other up and not tear each other down.

Try going away for a week and leaving him in total charge – and when you come back, check up on whether he did everything you do! Make sure friends don’t step in to rescue him. Okay, it’s harsh, but I bet then he’d have a better appreciation of all you do.

I would want to absolutely cut sick at my husband if he said something like this to me. I’m a sahm and it’s a full on role that is very exhausting. I wouldn’t even know where to start with this conversation, especially when he has these underlying issues and wants her to return to work.
I do hope she can find time for herself. Burn out is so real

This is super frustrating! My husband used to say stuff like this, and then he had a day with just him and the kids and he never mentioned it again! My kids are older and at school now so it gets easier! I actually worked 2 days a week and it was less mentally draining than being at home with the kids! I needed some adult interaction!

I hear you mamma! You are doing an amazing job, some people really don’t understand just how hard it is to wear that many hats in a relationship (be a mum, cleaner, cook, carer, teacher, socialist, human calendar) and just genuinely care and plan activities for all your children. You are doing amazing. I’d even suggest to the husband to even try swapping roles. You work remotely for a month and see how they cope? I know its fighting fire with fire. But maybe in this case, someones eyes need to be opened to what you actually do and how imperative to your childrens needs and essential it is having you at home.

I love the comments below, they are all very helpful tips and i 100% agree with them all. i would try and find really easy meal options and have a meal prep afternoon so you can prepare everything as much in advance as possible, the more organised you are the better you will feel at achieving more things.

you should feel proud that you spoke up for yourself to your husband, that must have been hard for you.

Your feelings are real and good on you for speaking them out ! A pity your husband doesn’t fully understand how you’re feeling. You can only try to explain, but personally I have come to the conclusion that men are truly wired differently. I do understand your feelings though. I’m a stay at home mum as well with 4 kids and the youngest 2 with additional needs. No family here and no time to sustain friendships. For many years I’ve lived in just survival mode, whilst making sure to keep my balance.
A couple of tips;
-make sure you sleep, eat and drink enough
-take deep breaths when overwhelm hits you
-accept help from friends who offer (when it’s not for your kids then ask them to do a wash for you or cook you a meal)
-order groceries online
-prioritize, the house doesn’t have to be sparkly clean
-consider a cleaner
-things will get better once kids go to school and you have a bit more time for yourself
-look into childcare at least for a couple of mornings a week
-make clear to your husband that going back to work is not realistic at this time, unless he wants to swap roles and he stays with the kids whilst you work

Whenever someone tells you how they are feeling they need to be heard. No ones feeling should ever be diminished. Parenting and caring for children and a home is indeed hard work. In this case it appears to be a lot of solo parenting. Couples counselling and individual counselling could be of benefit in this situation. Pushing down feelings and not addressing them is rarely helpful.