A mum has asked if she is being unreasonable to think that no relationship is worth the challenges that come with being a step-parent.

A mum has shared her experience of being a step-mum and asked if she is being unreasonable to admit she wouldn’t go through it again knowing what she knows now.

The mum says that despite her love for her husband, she would never have married him if she had known the heartache and rollercoaster of emotions she would face as a step-parent.

Too Much Baggage

Despite reiterating her love for her step-children, the mum says it hasn’t always been smooth-sailing.

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“I am very fond of my (now grown-up) stepchildren, but to say it has been hard (and continues to be) is an understatement,” she said in her post.

“If I knew then what I know now, I never would have entered into a relationship with my husband, as much as I love him.”

The mum says that she began reflecting on her own experience after her friend’s son announced he was getting married to a woman who already has two children of her own.

“Am I being unreasonable to slightly judge his choice?” she asked.

“This is a question about whether it is a good choice to be a step-parent at all and whether, given the choice, we would all be better if we didn’t choose a partner with kids from a previous relationship.”

A Fine Line

Comments on the mum’s post were mixed, with some saying they could understand her perspective given their own experience.

“I purposely chose not to date a man who already had children because blended families sound so complicated and crap,” one forum user said.

“On the flip side, it would hurt to be cast aside by men purely because I already had children.”

“I love my step-daughter and wouldn’t change things but I wouldn’t recommend it,” said another.

“It’s very hard work and often quite thankless.”

With divorce rates continuing to rise and many single parents looking for love, we think this mum might be letting her own experience of being a step-parent cloud her judgment. While it isn’t easy, being a step-parent can also be an incredibly rewarding role to play in a person’s life.

Are you a step-parent or do you have a step-parent? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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  • A very goid question. It can be quite challenging


  • I’ve never been a step parent. I have witnessed a few though that have been really difficult, even years later. I’m glad I didn’t have to attempt it


  • It sounds so pretty difficult!


  • My sister was a step parent. Only part time, every second weekend while the kid was young, visits lessened as it got older. It was tough. They weren’t rolling in cash, but the ex made incredible demands at Xmas, birthday and Easter times. Not to mention in general. My daughters hubby felt guilty if he refused, so their kids together often got less to ensure the first born got what mum wanted. It was sad. She’s all grown up now and rarely sees my sister or her half sisters.


  • i have seen this happen with a few of my known people. Must be difficult to sail through. have seen both fall outs and get alongs :)


  • I think this depends on the childs relationship with both biological parents and the dynamic of the parental figures in the household. I am the child of a step parent and still regard him as my father even though he and my mither have not been together for around 15 years. My grandfather is also not my biological grandfather but I have never considered him anything but my grandad. It is one of those things that varies with each family, no two people are the same so no two situations are the same.


  • I think it really depends on the situation. I know some people who are closer to their step-parents than their biological parents and love them to death and I also know of many awful situations. Its tricky. One of my friends met a woman with two children, they dated for years and got engaged. Right before the wedding she cheated on him and then ended it. She forbid him from seeing the children again. He loves them like they are his own children but has no legal rights and can’t see them.


  • Being a step-parent can be a great gift to the parent and child when positive.


  • I think there is no one answer to this, and the behaviour of the other parent (ex partner) can have a big influence on how hard it is.


  • I know many step-parents/step-children and, yes, it i can be extremely difficult for=many of them but, I also know many of them that have made it work and absolutely love each other and get on well.


  • I would not have a problem loving my partner’s children. In fact I would find it a privilege to be part of their lives.


  • When I first met my husband, one of the first questions I asked was “do you have any children?” If he had said yes, that would have been the end of it for me. No way did I want to be a step-parent.


  • Not a step parent, but I believe if you are going to take on someone else’s child you should treat them equally as to any future children you have.


  • I know from stories it can be very hard, but have several friends who have a positive experience. The same counts for foster children / adoptive children, sometimes it works out wonder well and positive and sometimes it’s pure suffering heartache and pain.


  • I’m sure in the long term it would be.


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