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A mum has asked if she is being unreasonable to think that no relationship is worth the challenges that come with being a step-parent.

A mum has shared her experience of being a step-mum and asked if she is being unreasonable to admit she wouldn’t go through it again knowing what she knows now.

The mum says that despite her love for her husband, she would never have married him if she had known the heartache and rollercoaster of emotions she would face as a step-parent.

Too Much Baggage

Despite reiterating her love for her step-children, the mum says it hasn’t always been smooth-sailing.

“I am very fond of my (now grown-up) stepchildren, but to say it has been hard (and continues to be) is an understatement,” she said in her post.

“If I knew then what I know now, I never would have entered into a relationship with my husband, as much as I love him.”

The mum says that she began reflecting on her own experience after her friend’s son announced he was getting married to a woman who already has two children of her own.

“Am I being unreasonable to slightly judge his choice?” she asked.

“This is a question about whether it is a good choice to be a step-parent at all and whether, given the choice, we would all be better if we didn’t choose a partner with kids from a previous relationship.”

A Fine Line

Comments on the mum’s post were mixed, with some saying they could understand her perspective given their own experience.

“I purposely chose not to date a man who already had children because blended families sound so complicated and crap,” one forum user said.

“On the flip side, it would hurt to be cast aside by men purely because I already had children.”

“I love my step-daughter and wouldn’t change things but I wouldn’t recommend it,” said another.

“It’s very hard work and often quite thankless.”

With divorce rates continuing to rise and many single parents looking for love, we think this mum might be letting her own experience of being a step-parent cloud her judgment. While it isn’t easy, being a step-parent can also be an incredibly rewarding role to play in a person’s life.

Are you a step-parent or do you have a step-parent? Share your thoughts in the comments.

  • I don’t have any experience. But sure it is a hard job.

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  • One thing that is for sure is that being a step-parent isn’t easy but can be rewarding for sure !
    It also shows that the divorce of their parents can have a huge impact.

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  • I don’t have stepchildren, but have 2 foster kids under a legal guardianship order, both have special needs. With one of them we’ve struggled badly and still do, the other is found to be a pure delight although she does have a delay and behavioural issues. It was our choice to take them up in our family and love on them. Is it easy ? no ! is it worth while ? yes ! would I do it again ? yes !

    Reply

  • I married someone who didn’t have children but I had a son. All was fine till I married him and the first week when I got home from work he sat me down and told me how things were going to be and that was the day my sons and my life changed for the worse he was jealous of my son if I bought ice cream I had to buy two one for him and one for my son, I snuck clothes in for my son it was terrible and if I knew he was conning me no way would I let him move in with me. I tried to make him move out he refused, so my advise is think very careful before getting involved with someone with a child or one like me. I eventually moved out and I had to share the sale of my house with him, so my nightmare was over for my son and me.


    • Aw bless, that sounds like a horrible experience !

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  • I didn’t have to deal with this as I met my late husband when I was 13 and he was 15. We ended up getting married the day before he turned 21. We were together until he passed away 2 1/2 years ago. I had my soul mate and not interested in finding anyone else. I did however have as step-dad and I couldn’t have asked for better. I understand some find it difficult but I never knew my real dad until I turned 50 so it was probably easier for me.

    Reply

  • I was grateful I didn’t have to deal with this. But I do think each family is different and you can’t make a sweeping pronouncement about this.

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  • All relationships are different. I believe communication plays a key role across all parties and making sure everyone is heard, including children.

    As a step parent, having support from both biological parents helps

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  • I think everyones story is different. There are some true failures and there are other great sucesses. Just becasue it was a nightmare for one person doesnt mean it will be like that for others.


    • Yes I agree with you. We must be careful not to generalise.

    Reply

  • Relationships and family dynamics are so different for everyone. Communication and respect is so important in all interactions.

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  • I am, don’t recommend ..but the ex in our family makes it difficult not the kids

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  • l’m a single mother and if l was going to get into a relationship with some one l would never rush in l would like the person get to know my child first & see how they bonded first as l would rather be friends with someone first and if my daughter didn’t like the person or like wise and they couldn’t get along l won’t go any further with the friendship and you shouldn’t judge your friends son for getting involved with a woman with kids l hope he has gotten to know the kids first l hope it works out for them because it’s the kids that suffer the loss of another father figure it’s not always about the Adults

    Reply

  • I get how hard it can be and praise her honesty. It’s not for everyone and not for anyone of us to judge

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  • I don’t think I can give a general answer because each situation is different. There would be families that I would be happy to join, and others that I would rather stay away from. I wouldn’t mind looking after stepchildren and forming a bond, but I would be concerned about having to leave those children if the relationship breaks down.

    Reply

  • I’m not a step parent but I have friends that are and they have amazing relationships with the step kids. Of course there are challenges however there is with ALL parenting. It takes a good person to step up and be a bonus parent

    Reply

  • Doesn’t sound easy. I know how it is when family things don’t work out.

    Reply

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