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What’s the point of growing up and pretending to be a well functioning adult if the same petty nonsense is still able to hurt your heart and make you feel like a left out, lonely child all over again?

If instead of being the one kid out of thirty students that didn’t receive a birthday party invitation, you’re now the one out of ten adults who didn’t get an invite to the luncheon party.

Those simple little things that could eat away at you as a child still have the power to make you question why you’re the odd one out as an adult and it’s even worse as a grownup because somehow it’s far more consuming!

Why Wasn’t I Invited?

Time consuming! Instead of watching a movie, reading a book, playing with the kids or just getting one of the million tasks you need to complete done, you’re mindlessly running through a list of possibilities as to why you weren’t included. All the things you assume could be wrong with yourself. All the reasons why they didn’t want to include you.

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Self consuming! By looking for flaws about yourself you’re actually treating yourself worse than the so called ‘friends’ who excluded you.

Physically consuming! If you haven’t already realised, bullying yourself by focusing or looking for your ‘flaws’ could see you giving yourself a massive migraine or even worse!

Look at the facts:

They left you out. Had a great time together. Probably didn’t even think about you. And you know what else? It may even have been unintentional, hopefully! They could have forgotten to invite you because they were doing a multitude of tasks at the same time, or maybe they just didn’t want you to be there as badly as you wanted to be.

Alternatively, they could be brutally honest and tell you that you aren’t in the “purple circle”. And if you’ve already been making yourself feel awful for not fitting in, are you really going to be strong enough to hear those words or see them typed out in a text…

I’ll Survive!

You know what though? It’s ok!

You survived!

Whatever the case may be, you made it through being excluded. And as an added bonus, you didn’t waste your time being around people who really didn’t want you being there in the first place!

Keep the ball rolling, and be mindful of the time you are saving by not allowing your thoughts to be consumed by the isolation or incident.

You Can CHOOSE Your Friends!

Here’s the wonderful thing about being an adult- you aren’t restricted to being in a classroom or a school with those types of people anymore!

The kind who forget you. Or leave you out unintentionally or even intentionally.

You aren’t limited to the friends you have at work or online or in a social media group chat!

Find Your Tribe

You’re a grownup! And you are free to be yourself without judgement, and hopefully without judging others and this means you can continue to roam until you find your tribe.

And of course when you are lucky enough to find your tribe, please, love them hard, because you know what it’s like to be left out!

… if you’re a blessed to be a mother, you might already have your beautiful little tribe, staring straight at you. Open your eyes, let the love in and share it around, because at the end of it all, love is all that remains and if that isn’t the greatest “purple circle” you will ever be let in to, I don’t know what is…

Have you ever been excluded or not invited to an event as an adult? How did you feel? Tell us in the comments below!

  • It hurts being left out no matter what your age is. You need a great group of friends that support you.

    Reply

  • It used to hurt me a lot if I was left out but I married the love of my life and since then I never cared if I was left out.

    Reply

  • I have been excluded as both a child, and as an adult. It still hurts but as an adult I have much better coping strategies and have come to realise that it’s up to me to be responsible for my own feelings

    Reply

  • I agree, it still hurts just as much. I’ve found that even on facebook, people still stick to their cliques. It’s sad and ridiculous

    Reply

  • Yes, but sometimes out of sight out of mind. Easier said than done, but don’t take it on.

    Reply

  • Exclusion is hard and is considered a form of bullying at work.

    Reply

  • It can feel very hurtful and upsetting. But if someone excludes you, it’s a blessing in disguise, they certainly aren’t ‘friends’. True friends are loyal, kind, caring and considerate.

    Reply

  • Story of my life!

    Reply

  • I actually don’t have any friends to chat or even go out and have a coffee with and it really does not worry me to be honest. I always have been a loner and prefer my own company

    Reply

  • I have been excluded as an adult before it isn’t the best feeling but like you said we can pick and choose our friends and the places we choose to visit as adults so that helps

    Reply

  • These can be very difficult feelings to deal with. I’m trying the strategy of being appreciative of the people who are always around me, and try not to worry about the other groups where I don’t feel included. Still can be hard!


    • It is a good strategy to focus on the positives.

    Reply

  • Yes I wasn’t invited to my friends 40st birthday, whilst the rest of our friend group was invited and had a blast. I felt sad and left out, but thinking about it I realised I differ from this friend group. Whilst they all like to party and go drunk, I keep my limit….whilst they like the silliness and superficial contacts, I appreciate a good conversation….

    Reply

  • Sadly I think Facebook is a lot to blame for most people’s anxieties and feelings of exclusion. Gone are the days where “what you didn’t know, didn’t hurt you”. With all and sundry posting pics of social get-togethers/parties etc, if you’re excluded it is even more hurtful to see it online. It really does exacerbate anxiety over they why’s and where fors.

    Reply

  • We can still be hurt knowing we were left out, it’s human nature to want to feel included

    Reply

  • It is sad if you are not included,their lost not your’s!

    Reply

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