A frustrated mother said she tossed ‘modern parenting’ out the window and told her young daughter to fight back against her bully.

The mother admits she’s not proud of the advice she’s given her daughter, but feels she has little choice, as not much is being done on a school level. She explained on reddit that her daughter is constantly targeted by bullies, but one boy in particular is causing her the most trouble.

“Kids have bullied her all school year, but mostly this one jerk,” she said. “The school calls me all the time: ‘There was an incident at school today where jerk /pushed/tripped/slapped/punched/yanked hair of daughter but she didn’t really get hurt, we’re just letting you know’. Even more often, daughter comes home and tells me herself about what he did.

“I’ve brought it up to the teacher and the principal and they just say they take bullying seriously but haven’t seen it happen to my daughter – despite being the ones to call me? We’ve tried the make nice, ignore, avoid, but there are no consequences for jerk.”

‘Let him be hit by a girl’

So the angry mum decided it was time her daughter stood up for herself.

“Last week we counselled my third grader to fight back. My brother taught her to grab someone by the hair and start punching. I told her to go for a nice slap, it will be more effective. Especially considering my daughter is a very nice kid, usually looking out for the underdog. She ain’t got no fighting skills but anyone can give a good slap.

“Let him get hit by a girl, kill a little bit of that machismo culture.”

She admits she never thought it was something she’d ever encourage her child to do.

“Being a parent is way different than how I thought I’d be. Never in my life could I have predicted that I’d give up mediation and go to physical self-defence. I’d like to clarify, this is only if he hurts her again. She cries every morning and night about not wanting to go to school because of bullies and the teachers that don’t care.”

The mum says in an ideal world she’d enrol her daughter in self-defence classes, but there are none nearby. So she’s encouraged her daughter to take matters into her own hands. And while her daughter hasn’t yet had to retaliate, it has prompted her to step into other conflicts.

“Simply giving her permission to defend herself has given her confidence. Yesterday she stood up to kids bullying a kindergarten child and kicked one of them. Still hasn’t taught jerk a lesson but I hold out hope.”

What are your thoughts? Can you sympathise with what this mum has told her daughter to do? Let us know in the comments below.

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  • Being strong and not showing emotion like being afraid can help.i will probably not encourage my kids to fight but to not let other to threat them.


  • This is a right way to treat bullies because bullies always pick on kids they think are weak or can’t stand in front of them, so the only option to stop these bullies is to stand up against them and show them that they are not weak. This mum is not wrong she is telling her daughter the right thing and that is standing for her right to be respected and treated well. I would do the same.


  • I understand exactly what is happening. My youngest was bullied at school and the principal just said “They’re just being kids so let them work it out for themselves”. His cousin saw the bully pushing him around and hitting him so he walked up and pushed the bully over. The outcome was the bully got a band-aid and special attention, my son was ignored and his cousin was expelled for a week. At the time my son was 6, his cousin was 6 and the bully was 8. I couldn’t believe it and told the principal exactly what I thought of him.

    • Oh my goodness tessie, that’s horrible !


  • This is a tough one but I wouldn’t rule this out if my kids were bullied & nothing else was working.
    I was bullied for most of my childhood & then I got bullied when I entered the workplace. It’s something that I have had to put up with all my life so I know how it feels & how much you want it to stop.


  • I hate bullies and its not only Kids that get bullied these days Adults as well


  • This is such a tough one! When my child is intimidated by kids at school, you do want them to knock the bull on their a$$, in the hopes that it deters future bullying. However, we insist that they take the higher path and inform their teachers when issues arise.
    My husband was bullied a lot in high school and he did punch his bully in the face. It did solve his issue, but he also became a bully. He fully turned the tables and started bullying the kids who bullied him.
    And that’s where you need to be careful. One that it doesn’t open a floodgate where the bullied becomes the bully and two that the right person gets into trouble.


  • I absolutely understand. As a parent of a son who was bullied for years by different students, with a school more interested in mediation (that never worked and was comical), my husband used to tell my son to fight back. It upset me, but I understood. However, my son is not like that and it was difficult to tell him to do something that went against everything he felt. We ended up having to move schools.


  • Sounds to me that it is the only recourse left to you. Bullies usually stop if retaliation occurs. Hope it all works out for you in the end.


  • Wow surely there are other ways to go about this. I’d be scared for my daughter that her retaliation will make things worse


  • The school should step in but they never do, yes for self defence but not to be the one who punches first.


  • The school needs to give the bully more serious consequences than just “talking”.


  • Schools in general seem to be very good at lip service when it comes to bullying.
    It’s sad for this family that it has come to this.


  • My eldest was continually being picked on by another child at daycare. It started when they were 2 and continues until they were 3-4. Educators said they were working on it, their way of dealing with it was by talking about gentle hands and making each other smile and happy. It did not work. I had accident forms to sign, he fell of a bike, bumped his head. When I asked him about falling off the bike he said he didn’t fall this other boy pushed him off. I got sick of it so told him to hit the kid back. Not long after I said that the bully kid started talking to me whenever I saw him at drop off and pick up. They are now in kinder together and will sometimes play together. I dont know what happened to stop the hitting but I do know the current methods used do not work with some children. If an adult hit another adult in the work place they would lose their job. If a high school student hit another student they would be suspended or expelled. There needs to be more serious consequences at a young age like in daycare and then maybe it will be less of an issue as kids grow up.


  • We always told our boys to defend themselves they might get punished by the school but we wont do anything. Thats the only way some of these bullies learn as they are untouchable by the schools.


  • Unfortunately, sometimes it comes down to just this. Some kids will never get the message otherwise.


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