The mum says that her 12-year-old daughter refuses to accept the realities of puberty and walks away when it is brought up in discussion.

A concerned mum has taken to Reddit to ask for advice as her 12-year-old daughter refuses to discuss or adapt to puberty.

The mum says that her daughter has been going through puberty for around two years, but admits that she is to have ‘the talk’ with her.

So Many Changes

Despite experiencing many of the changes that come with puberty, the mum says her daughter won’t buy any of the products she needs.

“She needs puberty supplies like bras, deodorant, and menstrual supplies,” she wrote in her post. “She refuses to buy them or use them. We have tried to make it into a girly shopping trip with a trusted female adult that isn’t necessarily me or just buy it all online, but she won’t do either.”

The mum says that her daughter has been taught about puberty from a scientific perspective at school but still hasn’t had a detailed conversation about ‘the birds and the bees.’

“Whenever we try giving it, she all of a sudden has to go to the bathroom or there’s suddenly homework or chores she needs to do.”

A Difficult Time

Comments on the mum’s post pointed out that the emotional changes of puberty can have an even greater impact than the physical ones.

“Some girls are open about it and others feel awkward and embarrassed,” said one forum member. “Everyone is different and they adjust at their own pace.”

“Try to normalise it by talking about it often, possibly in the car where she can’t escape,” another suggested. “Even if it’s awkward and she doesn’t seem to respond, she will hear the information and it will be easier to bring it up again in the future.”

Puberty is a stressful and uncomfortable time for anyone, so we can completely understand why this mum and daughter are struggling to talk about it. We definitely think that discussing it regularly and informally is the best option so that it doesn’t sound like something to be feared or ashamed about.

How did you talk to your children about puberty? Let us know in the comments.

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  • These conversations are ahead of me still.


  • Talk to her in the car, she can’t walk away.
    I would just buy the things she needs and put them in her room without making a big deal of it


  • By starting the conversations about puberty early (and I mean really early) and normalize it as possible we can make it a lot easier for our kids. We’re lucky we live in this time and age, a 50-100 years ago it was all taboo to talk and share about


  • It’s definitely uncomfortable to talk about for some. Give it time


  • My mum was very open about which was awful because I was such a shy kid. I’d prefer she just left pads in the bathroom and left me money for bras.


  • I was the type to never want to talk about it. My mum managed to get in the important stuff. I ended up getting through alright :)


  • Buy her a training bra, some deodorant, a pack of pads and leave it in her room. She probably knows about it but doesn’t want to discuss it. Leave her the supplies and leave her be until she’s ready to talk about it. At last she’ll have what she needs ready.


  • this is hard. As the mum of a 12 year old who has started developing breasts and whose hormones are crazy and is what feels like only moments away from her period starting I found there were somethings that I have done for her and then there are other things that she has to learn/do herself when she is ready. I have purchased some supplies and we have been shopping together for bra type crop tops etc. She has bailed me up with regards to questions, normally when I am driving in the car and she is behind me in the back seat so we cant see each other’s faces. I am thinking of buying her a book to read at her leisure which is more about her doing her own research in to her body changes and then coming to me to ask questions but I haven’t done that yet.

    I think I was a bit like your daughter, if i stick my head in the sand and not acknowledge it it won’t happen to me etc.

    I guess the best thing is to just trial and error, maybe she is embarrased so maybe she would be just appreciative of you getting her things and just leaving them on her bed for her to try on and come to terms with rather than a planned girly shopping trip. My daughter didn’t want to me caught dead in the girls underware section of a shop by any of her school friends as most of her friends at school are boys (but that’s a whole other topic lol!)

    Wish you and your daughter all the best, just remember we all come out of this on the other side!


  • There is books your daughter can read and possibly DVDs that may help in your situation. There is a book that is suitable for an 9 year old so there would be better editions for an older female. At what age did the Mum attempt to discuss it with her daughter. I remember the first time I wasn’t really interested. Doing it when a girl is very tired and already gone to bed is not an ideal time.


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