December 9, 2020


Mum shamed for refusing to contribute to expensive Christmas gift for her child’s Kindergarten teacher.

The NSW mum claims now when she does school pick-up she feels judgment coming from other parents. She sees mum’s she once considered close friends standing on the other side of the playground fence, blatantly ignoring her.

She is also concerned of the conflict affecting her son – that the six-year-old will stop being invited to birthday parties and playdates.

The mum decided not to give money to send her son’s kindergarten teacher for a gourmet weekend away at a winery for Christmas.

Too Much Money!

“It seemed very excessive to give teachers such expensive presents, so I said no,” Sophie said.

“There is all this pressure on parents to come up with the perfect gift – or spend a lot of money.”

She received a Facebook message in October asking parents to give money for a weekend away for the kindergarten teacher and her partner which involves a three-course fine dining meal.

So Much Competition

“I’m surprised I’m in the minority of people who think this is not normal, the majority of people are just going along with it” she says.

“I’m just absolutely gobsmacked this is a thing in school now.”

“It’s just crazy,” she says. “I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I don’t know whether we are competing to be seen to be good parents or whether they don’t want to miss out because of the peer pressure.”

“I think that teachers will then favour people who have given them expensive presents,” she says.

Are We Buying Our Teacher’s Attention?

“It is more competitive now, where people want the best for their child in that they want that extra attention from the teacher and the way to do that is buying gifts.”

“If you give it to one teacher one year then you’ve got to do it for the whole of their school life – and that gets really expensive for parents,” she says.

“I know the teachers work hard but I don’t think they deserve a $500 pamper pack at a spa.

I Won’t Give In To Peer Pressure

“I know people who are doing it just to be in the group, to be included, but I’d like to think I’m being a role model for my son.”

“I’m not going to give in to the peer pressure,” she says.

“Putting in big wads of cash is not giving him that experience – that joy of giving – so we got a little gift that he picked, that he can wrap and he can give to the teacher himself.

“It shouldn’t be the expectation that they get expensive gifts every year.”

Info about receiving gifts via NSW Education

“Accepting gifts and other benefits has the potential to compromise your position by creating a sense of obligation and undermining your impartiality. It may also affect the reputation of the Department and its officers. You must not create the impression that any person or organisation is influencing the Department or the decisions of any of its employees.

“Always consider the value and purpose of a gift or benefit before making any decision about accepting it. A gift that is more than nominal value ($50) must not become personal property. You should either politely refuse it or advise the contributor that you will accept it on behalf of your school or workplace.

“When such a gift is accepted, you must advise your manager or Principal. They will determine how it should be treated and make a record of its receipt. Depending on the nature and value of the gift, it may be appropriate to record the gift in the asset register as a donation or other such record established for that purpose.”

Do you think the gift is too much?  Share your comments below.

  • To pay for an expensive gift for the teacher is ridiculous.


  • Out of interest how much were you all asked to give?


  • It’s sad that the ‘bigger is better’ mentality is becoming the norm.
    When my eldest 2 were going thru primary school they would make a card & small gift 4 their main teacher & it was never made a big deal if a child hadn’t given a present.
    When it comes to high school, there are so many different teachers it’s impossible to do that but also looked down upon & bullying could sometimes happen as the child was seen as ‘a suck up’.
    Good on u for not giving in to parental peer pressure.
    That meal, massage, night in a different bed will soon become a distant memory but could also lead to greater expectations each year.


  • Typical people trying show everyone else how wonderful they are, how much money they pretend they have (most owe the bank more than their house is worth) nice people just do things and don’t go overboard and don’t make others feel guilty that they don’t or can’t contribute. You are the better person.


  • We should not feel pressured to give a present at all !

    • We can only do what our budget allows and there are so many present for family at the same time!


  • Yes, I think the gift was too much. It is the thought that counts not the price.


  • It’s all up to parents giving gifts or not.


  • It’s all about peer pressure. If an individual feels that it is within their right not to compile just because everyone else is, then that is their right. If they feel so strongly about their decision then so be it.


  • As much as I would love for my husband to be gifted a weekend away for us, at the end of the year there is absolutely no way that is the norm! He has been teaching for more than 20 years and doesn’t treat his students any differently if they give him a huge discount on a car (which has happened) or nothing at all. He is there to ensure every student does their best regardless, by giving them HIS best. But I do LOVE the chocolates and got a big haul this year


  • This is way over the top and no one should feel pushed into contributing.


  • I don’t agree with spending that much money on a teacher and her partner to send her away for a spa weekend. What did her partner do for the children? The kids love to give a present to their teacher so this gift would have come from the parents not the students. I certainly wouldn’t have donated to it either.


  • I think something small and handmade is the best. A weekend away is way over the top


  • The parent should have a right to say no and not be bullied about it.


  • Im a teacher and I think parents go waaaay over board. yes, its nice to feel acknowledged and valued BUT don’t forget… this is a PAYING job, we’re not meerly volunteering our time to teach, we get PAID to do it. I always thought such excessive gifts were so stupid and it puts us teachers in a super weird position.


  • Wow, that seems excessive.
    I congratulate her on not bowing down to peer pressure.
    And as mentioned, anything over $50 has to be recorded and can end up being refused.


Post a comment
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

Please enter your comment below
Would you like to include a photo?
No picture uploaded yet.
Please wait to see your image preview here before hitting the submit button.
Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your comment and join MoM:

You May Like


Looks like this may be blocked by you browser or content filtering.

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating