I dont have grandchildren from any of my 3 kids as yet. There is one grand child that my partners son has.
One thing I have noticed is that when Iw as a child My parents would take us kids to visit our grandmother every week. Now it seems that the children expect their parents (the grandparts) to visit them. Its very odd. I always took my kids to visit their grandparents also.

I agree that sorting out care for your kids is your own responsibility, as the parent and we should not expect the grandparents to raise our kids. However is good for our parents to be involved in our and our childrens life and experience the joy of loving on eachother (which may include being there for eachother in times of need)

This makes me sad… because the overall point (I think they are trying to make here) is of the importance of creating opportunities to build that invaluable grandparent/grandchild relationship. I am referring to grandparents that are physically, mentally, financially, and (within reason) geographically able to participate. It is not about free child care (I didn’t take it that way, at least). While parents are in that busy season of responsibly enforcing strict rules and routine, the grandparents get to come in and have a good time with the kids: less pressure, more fun. It is a more tender relationship, one that allows the child that space to be care-free, and grandma/grandpa get to finally enjoy the more positive aspect of parenting (i.e. making cookies, crafts, and allll the messes). Grandparents have acquired several decades of life experience and skills (some that were passed on from several generations prior), making them an excellent resource full of sage advice. In addition, it is a considerable health benefit to the grandparent– and research has shown that aging adults that have frequent interaction with their grandkids, tend to live longer. At the end of the day, we can’t force anyone (let alone family) to be apart of our kids lives. These grandparents absolutely have the right to enjoy their retirement, travel, and have a kid-free existence. And with all choices, we do not get to always choose the consequences. So when the time comes that the grandparent(s) requires more assistance (medical, emotional, and physical), I hope they don’t feel entitled to receive it from the parents/grandchildren they chose not to invest their time/energy with. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too.

My parents are overseas so they can’t help me and my inlaws are not very keen as they don’t like me.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 11 Aug 2024 , 3:50 am

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  Same, both my parents and my inlaws live in Europe.
  That is sad your inlaws don’t like you much and so are little involved

I don’t think it’s a problem with the grandparents but a problem with the parents. Most parents these days have children and then expect to pass them off the the grandparents to look after.

My Mum wasn’t very involved with my children, because she is quite elderly and my husband’s parents are deceased. I didn’t have Grandparents either. These relationships are so valuable, I am sad that both myself and my children never had them.

I would have loved to look after my grandchildren but unfortunately my eldest son and DIL live just over 5 hours away. It would have been my choice but I know they wouldn’t expect me to. Nowadays I only get to see them for a week once or twice a year.

Grandparents are to me a gift in life. I respect them as I was brought up with respect, morals, empathy and understanding. I love them and grateful to have them in my life.

My Mum was very involved with my son. They have the closest relationship and it’s beautiful. My in-laws however, treated my son as a pawn and used him in their abusive games. We are now estranged from them. I do not believe at all that Grandparents owe you childcare but you get out of a relationship what you put in and my Mum chose to be in my son’s life… some might say too much!! It’s important to set boundaries and also not to have high expectations. Keep it real. Grandparents have earned their life. They’ve parented and get to enjoy their older age.

I cant believe the entitlement here! By the time your parents become grandparents they have earnt the right to say no! They aren’t free childcare service, and they are not obligated to give up their time. Also, as you get older, you get more tired, how about a little more compassion for grandparents?!!
The statement I read from a parent complaining that her parents ‘only took the kids for 12 hours’!!! Ye gods, 12 hours is a long time! I have no family in Australia but when my elderly mum has visited I never ‘expect’ her to baby sit or entertain the kids . If and when she wants to, great, but she is in her 70s and I dont expect her to live anything but a life that is based around what she wants to do!

My inlaws love seeing my kids but don’t make the effort to come and see them. They only see them when we go there, same goes for all their other grandchildren.

That is really sad when grandparents don’t want to get involved. My parents would be a great help. But unfortunately are leaving far away.

My mother helped me out alot when I had my second and third close together as they would run off in different directions if I was on my own. It usually benefited her as well, as she didn’t drive so I’d drive and we would shop together, my house was air conditioned and hers wasn’t in their younger years, she could swim in our pool and we usually ordered dinner etc. Turns out she resented me for a long time and claimed I was ruining her life and moved away. While I did occasionally feel I asked too much or took advantage, I was always grateful and generous. I will be forever grateful for her help but our relationship suffered for a long time because of her resentment. Accept what is offered and be grateful. (I’ve already told my 24y/o I’m not looking after her children as I’m still raising her siblings but I’m sure if she did become a mother that would change, although I don’t think to the extent my mother helped me. Probably makes me a bad person but Iv’e been a mother since I was 16, I have no regrets about that, but I don’t want to be responsible for another baby when I’m on the cusp of being able to live life with my husband, occasionally without our children)

I can totally relate! My in-laws only want the kids on their terms, when it suits them and we have to make all the effort when they live the next suburb over- 5min drive!

My parent’s are boomers I definitely do see a difference between them and my grandparents, I have so many memories with my grandparents but my children have hardly any time with their grandparents, it’s definitely a different generation.

We have completely uninvolved grandparents who live 20 min away and show no interest. I was very upset at first but now accept that’s how they are and have just had no choice. We never had one hour of babysitting or ever get invited to their house for anything. Christmas is spent alone with hubby and our 4 kids but it makes things less complicated I suppose! I send them school photos of the grandchildren every year and invite them to the birthday parties but most of the time we never hear from them.

I used to teach my grandkids to cook, spend time with them and take them away on weekend trips. We both worked so it was on weekends and holidays that most of this happened. My daughter had a mental condition and one day stopped us for seeing and doing things with the grandkids. It devastated us. We don’t have the same connection anymore ,which is sad. So it goes both ways.

My mum is in the boomer year. She watches him while I go to work maybe once a fortnight but is happy to have him (most of the time) and we Will go together to the park or for coffee and babychinos and what not. However my MIL doesn’t see him much at all, maybe 2 times a month? There’s barely any memories been made with her, she stops in for 20 minutes then leaves again… it’s sad, yet she will go to my SILs regularly and see the other 2 grandkids and spend heaps of time with them (can’t half tell who the favourite is) my hubby’s always pushed to the side..

My dad is a baby boomer and would love to visit his grandkids and do stuff with them (where able) but he gives us our space. We have two special needs kids and it can be hard to make the time. I don’t call on him to babysit as I have a friend who is more able to deal with my children’s needs, especially the youngest who needs to be carried quite a bit due to mobility issues. I’m sure my dad would help out more but with his arthritic body it’s just not even practical for him to be carrying around such a heavy child.
Also he doesn’t follow the whole grandparents spoil their grandkids routine. He is a bit too strict and doesn’t realise that some of the expected behaviours he had for my brother and I (such as make eye contact and table manners) don’t translate to a child (or two) with ASD and sensory issues. So it’s just easier, and kinda sadder, this way.

My parents are interstate so aren’t around to help but my mother has been able to visit twice since my son was born and my father not at all because Covid. Honestly, I wouldn’t leave my child in their care anyway. I think they are too old and impatient to care for him in the way he needs. My partners parents have all the time in the world for their other grandchildren but not my son and again, I wouldn’t leave my child in their care either.