A father-of-two says his ex-wife’s husband has put his foot down, telling him to stop attending all of his children’s special events. Now he’d wondering if he’s in the wrong.

The dad says he shared two children with his ex-wife Thora; 10-year-old son Indie and eight-year-old daughter Colbie. He says he and his ex have remained close since divorcing, and remain relaxed about their co-parenting.

“We do our best to have the kids see us both as much as possible,” he explained on reddit. “We celebrate every birthday, every Christmas together, and we show up to support our kids together as much as we can make work with our jobs. Our families are also still very tight. The kids love it. Sometimes it will be my parenting time but they want Thora and so they spend that day with her, or vice versa. Works so well for the kids.”

Thora remarried in November 2021, and initially all was well with her new husband Michael.

“He and I got along in the beginning. He clearly loved Thora and was great with the kids, which is what Thora and I cared most about. But then this past summer some things changed with Michael.

“An example is Indie was singing and playing an instrument at this little talent show his summer camp set up. Thora and I both went, so did Michael, who took the day off work. Michael did not look happy to see me and once Thora was not within earshot or sightline, he was visibly tense and I swear he groaned at some point near me.

“Then Thora had to go out of state to see a friend of hers who was very sick. The kids chose to stay with me and I don’t believe Michael was happy about that. I tried to ask him about it but he swore things were fine.

“In November Indie and Colbie had a busy month with different stand out things within extra curricular’s and school. I was lucky enough to attend 9/10 of them with Thora attending 8/10. Michael got to attend 3/10. All three were ones I could attend and it felt very much like he didn’t want me there.”

Eventually Michael decided he would voice his concern at the children’s dad constantly turning up to their events.

“Late last month when Michael and I were the ones attending a school function for the kids that he asked me to show up to less of the kids events and let him and Thora do some of that stuff with the kids as a family. I told him they already do. He said not when I’m around. That I am getting in the way of him being a parental figure for the kids.

“I told him he was a parental figure and the kids love him. He said they will never consider us equal until they see him instead of me at some of these events. He said it’s important for the more ‘stable family unit of four’. I told him I was not willing to miss the kids events.

“He did not take it well and accused me of interfering and alienating their chances of a family unit. He texted me after the event with things he wanted me to miss (including Indie’s primary school graduation). I told him it was not happening. He told me Thora wanted this too.

“Thora knew nothing of this and told me the kids would be so upset if we did what Michael wanted, which I knew also. She was angry at Michael. Michael is angry at me still. He called me an a**hole. I don’t want to believe I’m an as**hole but I know this is not the norm for every divorced parents situation and it makes me ask if I am the a**hole for not letting them have some of those events just them.”

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  • Why don’t the kids want to be around Michael without the mum there ..
    Show your kids how a healthy extended family works
    Micheal would of known how your family dynamics worked before marrying thora
    If Micheal doesn’t like it tell him he doesn’t have to attend your kids
    Don’t dare go without your kids just to suit michaels agenda


  • Step dad is overstepping and needs to accept that Dad will always be Dad and if he chooses to turn up accept it. Dad is being an amazing dad, step dad needs to suck it up and share.


  • I just can’t believe what I have read – the children would much prefer their father there, as well as their mother and stepdad if he can make it. Sounds to me like he is feeling very insecure in his relationship with your ex-wife.


  • You’re definitely not in the wrong here. I think it’s wonderful that the kids have parents who make so much effort to go to all of these things with them. Michael needs to remember that he’s the step-dad and I think he’s crossed the line.


  • I can’t believe what I just read ????‍♀️ the step father clearly has issues. He needs to respect that he is the step father and you are the father and have every right to go. There’s absolutely no reason you all can’t go to each and every one. The children would much prefer to see that,


  • Nope, NTA. Michael is TA. Imagine having the audacity to tell a child’s actual father not to come to their events because you want to be seen as equal to their actual father.


  • You’re definitely not the a**hole here, Michael is. They are your children and it’s wonderful that you want to go to all of those occasions and that your ex-wife is just as happy for you to be there. I think he’s just jealous that the kids love you and want to share their achievements with you as well. Michael is just jealous so please don’t stop going just because he’s being petty.


  • You are definitely not in the wrong. Keep showing up for your kids. At the end of the day they are YOUR kids and MIchael needs to respect that. It’s great that he wants to be part of their lives but he should never try and replace you which is what it sounds like he’s trying to do. If he truly loves your kids he would want what’s best for them and that is to have both their parents there as much as possible.


  • Adults need to behave with maturity and continue to parent with the children as the focus.


  • Glad to read to everyone agrees that stepdad is in the wrong here

    • Adults should not compete when it comes to parenting. There needs to be plenty of respect in this situation.


  • Hes very insecure this new husband. And I think the Dad has evey right to out his own foot down and say no, I will attend my children’s classes/shows whatever they may be. Thora should be stepping in too here.


  • Not fair! You are the dad so you have all the right. You do you


  • This is ridiculous, I can’t believe this was even suggested. They are his kids, he has every right to go.


  • No! It is fantastic that you and your ex have such a good relationship and have created a wonderful situation for the kids. Sure, they should do a few things by themselves as a family. But realistically, all three adults are now part of the kids’ family. Keep showing up for your kids! Ignore him.


  • How dare he? You and your ex have created an amazing situation for your children and the new husband needs to get on board or back off. He is clearly jealous and the fact he has lied on behalf of your ex-wife is a red flag for me. He does not get to tell you what you can and can’t go to. Your children are the priority and he doesn’t get to dictate to you what you can and can’t do. Your children will be the one’s upset and blame you. Keep on being the best Dad you can to your children.

    • Yes, he even may be jealous of the good relationship the ex partners have


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