'My Mother-In-Law Told Everyone My Baby's Gender Before I Even Knew'

An expecting mum has had her gender reveal party ruined by her sister-in-law and mother-in-law, forcing her to cut them off from all other baby-related activities.

The mum-to-be is expecting her first baby, and it’s a pregnancy tinged with sadness. She lost her mum and dad to Covid a year ago, and being an only child, her only relatives are her husband’s family.

The baby will be the first grandchild and nephew for her husband’s family, so the expecting mum has been trying to include them as much as possible. “My husband’s family has welcomed me with open arms as part of them and I have become very close to my MIL and SIL,” she explained on reddit.

The mum-to-be has always wanted a gender reveal party, and says she trusted her sister-in-law to organise the event.

“With three days to go before the party, I started to receive messages from all my husband’s relatives and even close friends congratulating me on my baby being a boy.

“I went to ask what happened, my SIL confessed that she let it slip to my MIL and she told everyone the sex of the baby after knowing, because she couldn’t hold it. Nobody call me to tell this. The party was cancelled and I was heartbroken, as well as extremely hurt by the two of them.

“Usually they accompanied me to the ultrasound, shopping for the baby’ room and my MIL would stay at the time of delivery.

“But after this breach of trust, I stopped inviting them and asked them to respect my boundaries when they pressured me to go. Honestly, I didn’t even send them the baby shower invite, because I really avoided contact with them as much as possible. Because everyone knew before me that it was a boy.

“My husband started complaining that I was pushing them away because of a mistake that could happen and that I was being harsh.

“Yesterday he brought up this and when I said that I still didn’t feel comfortable with them, he said, ‘Soon you’ll tell me that my mother won’t be able to go to the birth’.

“I think my face showed my response and he started saying I was being too hard on her because she was just excited. I had my limit and said, ‘If you keep pushing me, it won’t just be your mother who won’t be on my labour. So either stop or you won’t come in.’

“He started to say that I was crossing lines and that he had a right to have this moment. I was taking this with them too far. He slept on the couch and doesn’t talk to me more than necessary.”

Now the seven-months-pregnant woman wants to know if she’s in the wrong. Let us know what you think in the comments below.

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53 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 25 Oct 2024
    12:22 pm
I would love to know how things are with you both now.
Sadly your husband is not backing you. He should be standing by your side and he should let his family know clearly that THEY well overstepped.
Like you I would never trust them again. It was not a mistake.

- - mom101628 said
  - 20 Nov 2022
    11:10 pm
Even though you were very hurt at the time, you must think of the future. You could be hurting the only family you will ever have over a mistake which I think they would also be sorry about. No matter how hurtful it was, you have to rise above it and show all the family how to act and respect people. Be a good role model not just for your child but your family.

- - mom489452 said
  - 02 Nov 2022
    10:54 am
Baby is number 1 you are number 2 husband number 3 all others wait in line until given a number

- - mom484964 said
  - 02 Nov 2022
    7:13 am
I think you have every right to feel hurt by them and totally understand you wanting to distance them from you. I would do the same.
I experienced a similar kind of situation where my now ex mother in law sent a photo of my newborn baby to everyone before I had even seen my new baby, as I had to have general anesthetic to have my daughter I was completely out of it for a couple of hours after she was born. I was so hurt and upset.
Your husband should understand and support you in this tough and emotional time.

- - SPerry37 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    10:04 pm
In all honesty I don’t think it would of been intentional it would of been complete excitement and accidental slip up . Yes the mother in-law did do the wrong thing but sometimes you get carried away in the moment and not think. But 2 wrongs don’t make a right it’s just as bad not asking them to come the baby shower etc. yes it hurts because it didn’t go they way she planned but if that’s the worse that was done it could of been worse family is forever and you never know what’s around the corner

- - mom484661 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    10:02 pm
I would be extremely upset, exhausted in explaining my view point to my husband, disappointed that I didn’t share this with my husband, embarrassment that everyone knew before I did. I would be low contact with them for quite a while

- - mom265671 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    8:26 pm
Absolutely terrible way to spoil it for the parents to be

- - BellaB said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    7:04 pm
I think it’s fair to limit the involvement of the MIL and the SIL. They betrayed her trust big time and I can see why she wouldn’t trust them with anything else important (like being present during labour). She might be being a bit unfair to her husband, though.

- - celtica189 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    1:49 pm
This must have been devastating to her, she os creating new life without her own parents who obviously she lost in a terrible way and something as special as the gender reveal being ruined like that is disgusting. The MIL bunging on that she couldnt hold it in is also disgraceful. This is not her child and not her place to make public such delicate knowledge. Its like a deliberate act by the SIL if you ask me. The husband needs to grow up and see the wifes view on this and back her up because This whole situation seems like the Sil wanted to ruin it.

- - tessie said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    1:15 pm
I understand how she feels having them share something about her that she knew nothing about. It was just the one silly mistake on their part and I can understand they were just so excited. If they are willing to apologise then let them know this is their only chance. If they break that trust again then let them know they will never be trusted again. Her husband should be understanding of her feelings too. Just take small steps but be firm with them

- - mom160270 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    12:16 pm
In my opinion, she is distancing her husband and only family over one innocent mistake. I get the feeling she is using her unborn child to wield power over this family and I don’t think it’s fair.

- - penny05 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    12:02 pm
That is such a shame. Its a very special time and I can understand your frustration. I would be super mad and needing space.

- - My Little Buttons said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    11:53 am
Oh wow this is not right I would be so angry with her

- - mustangsachy said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    11:33 am
Eaugh! Why do some grandparents over reach!? This is YOUR moment with your husband and baby. This isn’t a re-do of her having children. Every right to be upset and disappointed. If it were me I’d put her on an information diet until she can learn to respect your wishes.

- - mom71495 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    11:12 am
You have a right to be upset. Your husband is being childish and unsupportive. His first loyalty is to you, not his mother or sister. He married you, not them. Your MIL has a big mouth and lacks the ability to remain silent when requested as does your SIL. I would respond the same as you. The trust has been broken and the proof is both you SIL and MIL are unreliable and abused the special moment meant for you and your husband to find out by opening up their loose lips. I definitely wouldn’t have her at the birth of my baby, and nor should you. She doesn’t need to be there. She and your SIL overstepped their boundary and I am glad you have shown them this by putting in boundaries. Keep standing strong and even though your special moment was spoilt, you now know you are have a son and that should bring you joy. As long as your baby boy is health and you have a safe delivery that is all that matters. Don’t let your husband or anyone push you into a corner where relatives are concerned. I am sorry for the loss of your mother and father as it is difficult when you are an only child and have very limited or no support at all. Keep looking up and keep joy in your heart. I pray your son will grown healthy and strong and bring you happiness and love. Everything will change when he arrives. But keep your guard up. God bless.

- - cassy26 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    9:48 am
I would be upset over this as well but it does sound like it was done out of excitement rather than maliciousness. Nobody is perfect and it sounds like they have been really good to you in other ways, so maybe they deserve another chance? Although I probably wouldn’t tell them anything I didn’t want anyone else to know in the future…

- - mom474571 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    9:06 am
Honestly if you didn’t want anyone to know then you shouldn’t have told anyone.

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    8:53 am
I can understand her being upset, but it was only done out of the MIL being so excited. It was a pretty innocent mistake and it sounds like they’ve been all kindness otherwise. She needs to forgive and move on.

- - Ellen said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    8:47 am
I can understand this is upsetting and you may not want to have mil/sil present at the birth. I wouldn’t let this come between husband and yourself though

- - mom465794 said
  - 01 Nov 2022
    8:10 am
That’s so rude, I would be so made but shes still your MIL which makes it hard to even express your frustration!