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A first-time mum, navigating a high-risk pregnancy, says her husband’s family is desperate to throw her a bedside baby shower to ‘cheer her up’. But she’s mortified at the idea, and it’s causing an awkward rift.

The mum-to-be says she’s put on bed rest by her doctor, because she’s at risk of an early delivery due to placenta previa.

“All in all I’m miserable and scared,” she explained on reddit. “My MIL and SIL got it into their heads that a baby shower would cheer me up and began to plan one telling me they’d have it around the bed so I don’t need to move around a lot and I can just rest the entire time.”

The idea has raised the ire of the expecting mum, who just wants to be able to concentrate on having a healthy baby.

“I don’t want this, I just want to be left alone and not bothered by anyone but my mum when she visits and my husband. I got a bit snappish and told them I didn’t want a baby shower and I certainly didn’t want them all around my bed holding a party and that I didn’t feel like celebrating at all.

“They got upset and told me they were just trying to keep my spirits high and cheer me up and even tried to convince my husband this is exactly what I needed.”

Her husband has tried to remain supportive, but explained that his family only want to help lift her spirits.

“When they left he tried to tell me that they didn’t mean anything badly and that he’d support whatever choice I made but maybe this could be good for me as he hated to see me cooped up so much. I know they mean well and are trying to be nice but I really don’t feel like a party.

“I know everyone is so worried about the baby and they’re trying to focus on something positive and happy right now and I should probably just cave and give them this to have something to focus on but the idea of sitting through a party like that when I have no idea how this pregnancy will go makes me want to cry. Should I just give them this?”

Do you have any advice for this mum? Leave it in the comments below.

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  • Maybe if it’s just a small gathering and you’re guaranteed not to get out of bed and even wait until you are enough weeks along that baby should be fine if delivered early.

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  • Its a new mum decision how she wants to celebrate it.

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  • I was housebound for my entire pregnancy and I was scared, bored and lonely. However I knew being scared was one of the worst things I could do for my baby, so I worked hard to distract myself and try to think positively. I wanted to send good vibes to my body, so I rested, tried to think happy thoughts and I ate as healthily as I could throughout the constant nausea.
    “Tried’ to think positively is the main word here. After 8 years of trying to conceive a baby, thousands of dollars, operations procedures, mental and physical stress…it was only natural that my fear of losing my child and perhaps suffering extreme danger myself…dominated my days.
    So even though this lady is going through her own personal journey, I do understand to a point where her mind is over this.
    I remain sad no-one threw me a baby shower. I think everyone was fearful about how to treat me but I would have given anything for friends/family to show me some positivity because I really needed positive people around me at that time. I needed them to encourage me and make me feel supported…but….if this woman is not in that headspace atm, then she has every right not to feel guilty about insisting the babyshower does not take place. There is no reason that a babyshower cannot take place after the birth. Perhaps it is something that her mind will be able to accept at a later stage, but for now she needs to stand up for herself and insist it not take place ‘at present’. Perhaps she could offer them alternative things they could do to help her out eg. come clean her house, cook her some meals, give her a call every now and then and talk about if she is watching anything good on the tv atm or is reading a good book. etc.. Giving in now just sends a bad message and may even encourage them to be pushy about their ideas even after the baby is born. Yes they are trying to do something nice by throwing a babyshower, but they need to accept she is not ready for one at present.

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  • DO NOT do this if it’s not what you want. Worrying over this would be putting more stress on you and your baby. Explain to them you would prefer to have a baby shower after bub is born. It would then give them something to look forward to and let you get the rest you need. Why can’t they take turns in coming to visit on a certain day of the week that suits you for a bit of company. Surely they will understand. Good luck

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  • It’s totally up to mum to be. If she’s not happy about, it’s just going to stress her out doing it, so don’t do it. Even though the idea is coming from a good place


    • Totally agree, I don’t think the intentions were bad but it sounds too stressful and unwanted for her.

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  • I get it, but Mamma to be needs to be listened to and not have more stress. Maybe an after baby born shower would be better. Maybe the in laws could ask what meals she would like stocked in the freezer if they want to help etc, to cheer her up.


    • Agree with you. Family is the safest place to be and be listened

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  • So hard, as no-one is really in the wrong. Maybe they could just have afternoon tea with her – just the three of them.

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  • She doesn’t even need the stress of this while on top of pregnancy stresses.

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  • Her wishes need to be adhered to. This was me during my pregnancy. And the thought of a baby shower whilst I was in bed… NOOOO! Listen to what she, the mother-to-be, carrying this child, and feeling so sick and scared, is saying. This is less about mum-to-be and more about everyone else. Listen to her.

    Reply

  • She has already told them that she doesn’t want that. so maybe she just needs to have another conversation to apologise for snapping. They’ll probably understand.

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  • I know they are trying to help her, but they really need to listen to her and respect her wishes and what she wants. Throw her a baby shower after she has had the baby, I know its a bit backwards but maybe she will feel more like celebrating after the bubs is born


    • I agree, if that is what she want. Not everyone is into baby showersthough, I really didn’t feel for it myself. I remember once I didn’t feel for celebrating my birthday. It wasn’t appreciated by my family, they all wanted to come and so they did. Sometimes is difficult to express how we feel about things, especially when others can’t relate to these feelings

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  • I couldn’t think of anything worse than people throwing me a party while I was on bed rest! can’t they just send the gifts in the mail

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  • I ca n kind of understandi both sides, but mumma needs to enjoy some form of her pregnancy and enjoy been spoilt a little bit.

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  • I have placenta previa also, although so far not on bed rest, but I know how scary it is. I think it’s a very kind thing that her husbands family still want to throw her a baby shower and try accomodate for her by making it a bedside one. I think as worried as she is it would help lift her spirits a little. However if she really doesn’t want to then they need to respect her wishes.

    Reply

  • Maybe she just feels that mumma will regret not having a shower, tho it does seem like a classic mil move

    Reply

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