"My son's bully turned up to his birthday party, and I sent him home. Was I rude?"

What would you do if a bully, especially one who had been giving your child a hard time, turned up to your kid’s birthday party? One mum shared her story.

One mum recently held a party for her 8-year-old son, and things didn’t go as planned, “My son just turned 8. We had a birthday party for him Saturday.”

The invite list included her son’s favourite kids, “He invited some friends from class including Kyle. I did not know Kyle was cousins with this other boy in their class Josh.”

Josh has targeted her son, and given him a bit of a hard time, “Josh has been shitty to my son for a while now. The poor kid has gone through a lot. His baby sister died, then his dad leaves him and his mom. My son has a baby brother and he has both me and my husband (his dad) still in the one home. So he has become a target for Josh’s hurt and anger.”

“It started off when they went to virtual learning last September. Josh would say things about my son. I spoke to the teacher and she said she was doing everything to correct Josh and protect my son. Then in May their school decided to test out going back in person learning all day. While there Josh was nasty to my son. Made the entire month a living hell for my son and I was on the school’s back about it. I put in for a class transfer but was denied because they were “dealing with it”. When they returned to school a few weeks ago Josh was still targeting my son.”

Josh wasn’t invited to the birthday party, and this mum wasn’t happy about him turning up, “Kyle’s mom showed up to the party Saturday with Josh. I was confused. Asked what was going on. She explained he was her nephew, etc, etc, and she was hoping it would help everyone if he was included since everything going on. I said no way. That he was not invited and given the way he treats my son he was not coming in. She argued with me but I stood firm.”

The mum shared on reddit that now her friendship with Kyle’s mum is a little fractured, “She and I got along well before this (which is why her being his aunt shocked me because you would expect it to come up when she knew about the bullying) but now she’s saying I was an asshole to a little boy and should have shown kindness and understanding. My son freaked out when he saw Josh at our house and asked if he was staying. He was so relieved he wasn’t.”

Do you think she did the right thing? Was it an opportunity for the kids to get along, or time to set boundaries?

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47 Comments

- - ChiWren said
  - 10 Nov 2023
    5:46 pm
Maybe the bullies family should show some kindness and understanding towards a child being relentlessly bullied. I wouldn’t feel guilty at all.

- - Bizma said
  - 27 Jan 2023
    4:37 pm
You definitely did the right thing! The bully os a kid too but to protect your own comes first. And who shows up uninvited?

- - mom111059 said
  - 12 Aug 2022
    11:55 am
Too much damage is done by bullies. Yes the kid is hurting but your responsibility is to your own child. So yes you did the right thing. I don’t know why he was there anyway when obviously he wasn’t invited.

- - mom160289 said
  - 26 Jun 2022
    10:15 pm
Very hard decision to be made here.

- - ozstarlett said
  - 05 Jun 2022
    3:32 pm
It is rude for her to turn up with a child not invited and expect them to join in the party! especially went it isn’t directly a brother or sister or hadn’t asked the parent first.

- - SAS185 said
  - 08 Nov 2021
    9:08 pm
I’d have sent him home to, why does he deserve to be at your sons bday if he bullies him. Nope teach him a lesson. BYE Felicia.

- - mom268263 said
  - 07 Nov 2021
    6:37 pm
Yes – back your kids, especially in their own home. Much is said to understand bullies, but your first responsibility is your child, and if it was an adult we would say, you shouldn’t tolerate it, so don’t send a message that it’s ok – and welcome them into your home especially on a celebratory day when they just rocked up. If they want to make amends they can do it on another day if actually sincere.

- - Jmac said
  - 04 Oct 2021
    3:40 pm
I can’t say for sure what i would have done, or more accurately what i would have liked to have done (i always go the polite option which is not always the best). I think though that I would have taken this boy aside and had a talk to him about the bullying. – it’s a golden opportunity for you to tell him that it is not ok (in a nice way) and then that maybe he could stay for a little while but had to leave early as a consequence of being a bully. Such a tough one as I really feel for the bully and what he has been going through, but also want to give the mum a high-five for standing up and not letting the bully ruin her sons day.

- - mum300445 said
  - 29 Sep 2021
    6:28 pm
The least she could have done was warn you in advance so you could prepare your son and yourself. Not ok. I probably would have done the same thing as you.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 28 Sep 2021
    11:49 pm
Absolutely the right thing. We can turn the other cheek, try to forgive etc. but the other party has to make an effort too. If his behaviour is still awful then you are doing right in protecting your son from this trauma.

- - mom471987 said
  - 22 Sep 2021
    1:14 pm
Totally fair. Would’ve done the same. Imagine the anxiety you would feel if someone who you felt threatened by turned up in your house, your safe space.
Bye, bully, sorry
- Mum2archer replied
  
  05 Oct 2021 , 10:28 pm
  I agree. Feeling unsafe in the one place you should feel safe in would be horrible. I would be sending them home too
- - mom268263 said
  - 22 Sep 2021
    6:19 am
Your child should feel comfortable and safe in their own home. It was his celebration day. Totally the right thing.
- mom93821 replied
  
  25 Sep 2021 , 9:32 am
  A home should indeed be a safe haven and safe place at all times and particularly on such a special day.
- - nadine_hill said
  - 21 Sep 2021
    12:45 pm
This is a tricky situation! Firstly, the other mum should not have turned up with an uninvited child so, yes certainly, the mum had the right to turn him away …. however, secondly, this outcome could increase the bullying …. but, again, the fault of the woman who brought the child along ……

- - Jujubear79 said
  - 20 Sep 2021
    8:39 pm
Not rude at all.

- - mumof3 said
  - 19 Sep 2021
    7:55 pm
It’s your sons day, so yes you had every right. I would hate if my son got bullied and then the bully had the nerve to show up at our house.