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What would you do if a bully, especially one who had been giving your child a hard time, turned up to your kid’s birthday party? One mum shared her story.

One mum recently held a party for her 8-year-old son, and things didn’t go as planned, “My son just turned 8. We had a birthday party for him Saturday.”

The invite list included her son’s favourite kids, “He invited some friends from class including Kyle. I did not know Kyle was cousins with this other boy in their class Josh.”

Josh has targeted her son, and given him a bit of a hard time, “Josh has been shitty to my son for a while now. The poor kid has gone through a lot. His baby sister died, then his dad leaves him and his mom. My son has a baby brother and he has both me and my husband (his dad) still in the one home. So he has become a target for Josh’s hurt and anger.”

“It started off when they went to virtual learning last September. Josh would say things about my son. I spoke to the teacher and she said she was doing everything to correct Josh and protect my son. Then in May their school decided to test out going back in person learning all day. While there Josh was nasty to my son. Made the entire month a living hell for my son and I was on the school’s back about it. I put in for a class transfer but was denied because they were “dealing with it”. When they returned to school a few weeks ago Josh was still targeting my son.”

Josh wasn’t invited to the birthday party, and this mum wasn’t happy about him turning up, “Kyle’s mom showed up to the party Saturday with Josh. I was confused. Asked what was going on. She explained he was her nephew, etc, etc, and she was hoping it would help everyone if he was included since everything going on. I said no way. That he was not invited and given the way he treats my son he was not coming in. She argued with me but I stood firm.”

The mum shared on reddit that now her friendship with Kyle’s mum is a little fractured, “She and I got along well before this (which is why her being his aunt shocked me because you would expect it to come up when she knew about the bullying) but now she’s saying I was an asshole to a little boy and should have shown kindness and understanding. My son freaked out when he saw Josh at our house and asked if he was staying. He was so relieved he wasn’t.”

Do you think she did the right thing? Was it an opportunity for the kids to get along, or time to set boundaries?

  • Not rude at all.

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  • It’s your sons day, so yes you had every right. I would hate if my son got bullied and then the bully had the nerve to show up at our house.

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  • Sending home the bully would normally be the right thing to do but it seems like he was invited. That certainly send mixed messages.

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  • I’m fuming on your behalf (and your son’s) and most certainly not rude at all and hopefully sends a clear message to this kid and his mum. You stood your ground and your actions said that you don’t tolerate the bullying of your child. Good on you!

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  • Anyone turning up without an invite is surely going to cause issues.

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  • Not rude at all!!! I would do the same!!!!

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  • I think you did the right thing in standing up for your son, especially as he was so worried that Josh might have been staying. My only other thought is how much more might Josh bully your son now after not staying at the party with his cousin? – it just might make things worse, and even though Kyle’s mum was wrong in bringing Josh without first asking you, I doubt that would make Josh behave any better. What a really terrible position to be in. I do hope everything works out well for you and your son.


    • Yes I would also be concerned about the potential effect this could have and how it could increase the bullying.

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  • Congratulations you did the right thing.

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  • First of all, who shows up with an extra kid without asking first? That’s what RSVPs are for, just randomly bringing another kid without asking is not okay and it sounds like she was somehow aware of the issues. Sure, if you want to work things out organise a play date or something that everyone is aware of and happy with some other time. It’s the kid’s birthday and it should be about him. Springing something like this is just rotten.

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  • Hit the road Jack …opps Josh.
    Seriously I feel it very rude and unacceptable …this woman had no right to bring this child to the party (who was not invited) and it was very wrong to place the mum in this kind of situation.
    Mum did the right thing …it is her sons birthday and a day that should be enjoyed with fun and love.

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  • You did what you had to do , to protect your son, he has to be your priority. The school has flagrantly failed to manage the situation btw. Kylie’s mum – if she knew all of the situation possibly wouldnt have reacted this way, and if she is a good sort after reflection may come around to seeing why you felt you had to respond the way you did. At the end of the day, you are empathic but that only goes so far, you HAD to put your son first, I would have done the same.

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  • It’s a hard thing to do as both boys need love and care.
    How heartbreaking for the boy to lose a baby sibling and parent all at once. It’s so totally not right that the boy bullies another, but he must be going through so much at this time. I think the boy needs counselling badly. As for the party situation, if it was upsetting to my child so much and would ruin their special day then I might do the same thing, and ask them to leave. Or will allow them to stay but not be a part of the party. They can have food etc, I wouldn’t deny a child that but I’d say, put on a movie or something for the bully

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  • Agree with the mum who sent the bully away. She’s showing her son she respects him and is protecting him, especially on his birthday when he should be surrounded by those he loves.

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  • Awww, what a terrible situation. My son was bullied terribly by many so I fully support an understood what you did. We always had to choose the empathy option over the bullies (eg. tough home life, fostering, etc.). I raised a son who always had empathy for those bullying him. Go figure!! Whilst the school were unable to manage it. You do what you need to protect your child and make them feel safe. You did the right thing.

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  • I think this little boy needs a lot more help from professionals to understand what he is doing is wrong

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