The overall message sounds reasonable. The delivery may have been a little harsh. I hope that she is able to get some professional support as it sounds as if she really needs it.

The Dad has some valid points and let’s hope that the mother is receiving some treatment and support for her mental health and that the comments won’t continue as their children grow up.

I feel sorry for your baby girl and you having to hear all of the negativity. Just leave the room when she starts talking that way and, if possible, take your son out of the room as well. Instead of yelling at her you need to try to calmly get through to your wife that she is setting her daughter up to have very low self esteem like she was. I wish you both all the best with your new daughter

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 12 Apr 2023 , 7:52 am

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  I agree with you tessie, walk away dad and take your son with you on moments like this.
  I would aim for a calm and private talk with your wife. Maybe apologize for shouting, but speak out your concern and see if she’s open for professional support

Oh how horrible. It’s hard to comment especially since the mum is suffering anxiety and post natal depression. I really hope the mum gets better soon and says kind words to her daughter.

The concern is well placed, the approach needs refinement! Supporting mum to get help will improve the overall situation. Absolutely do not want to be role modelling this behaviour to the son!! Well done dad on being protective of your baby girl!

I only hope that she’s getting counselling for her post-partum depression and Dad can let the counsellor know what she’s been saying.
It could be a real problem if the brother teases his sister when she’s older about the comments mum made about her. She needs to stop!

Although I agree that the things the wife has said are hurtful and you write you recognise that what she said needs to be seen in context of her anxiety/depression/and PND, your response has been a bit too harsh.im.my opinion. Maybe your wife needs some extra (and professional) support

Definitely needs to be communication to discuss how it makes you feel. Perhaps she isnt thinking it from your view

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 06 Apr 2023 , 4:14 am

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  Respectful communication, good counselling services and supportive parenting classes would be so beneficial in this instance.

Think you have said what was needed to be said – now go give her a hug and tell her that you love her and you will work through her problems together. Hope it becomes plain sailing from here on out.

I feel for the dad, and the baby….. and the mum because this must be a form on PND.
I would be very frustrated if my husband was saying things like this about our children and in ear shot. Yes the baby may be young but how long will it continue and how long until the baby understands what is being said. Very sad all round.

I can absolutely understand her husban’d frustration. It is not really nice or normal behaviour. I also appreciate the may have PND. She should actually be receiving medical and professional help to deal with that and I think the hubby should be able to share his concerns with a medical professional too.

I honestly understand where the dad is coming from, kids/babies need their parents love and protection not judgement. I understand the wife is suffering from postpartum and maybe he could have gone about it in a kinder way but that poor baby will end up with serious mental issues if those sort of comments aren’t stopped straight away and I can only guess that these comments are hurting his feelings as well. She is basically calling him ugly too.

The postpartum period is rough and those comments are anything but helpful. I agree that her comments are not the kindest but thats not the way to go. I think focussing on the unconditional love you both have for the baby rather than how she looks may help but things change so much e.g. post partum effects and the baby herself will keep changing.

The dads points that he has raised are very valid but he shouldn’t have raised his voice.

I think the points he has made are valid but the approach is definitely not ideal. If mum is struggling with PND and A I think she may need some counselling or support and in that time hopefully can address these issues as well.

I am glad you nipped it in the bud, I understand that she might be unwell but there is no reason not to be nice. Babies change so much in the first few months, hopefully in time she well see how beautiful she really is.

The things the mum is saying are messed up and hurtful to the dad. Yeah, he probably shouldn’t have yelled at her, but he was bottling it up trying to be patient with her condition. The problem needed to be addressed. He maybe just should have used a softer, more controlled approach.

A good sit down and talk will do

I understand where the dad is coming from. It is hurtful to hear nasty comments about your kid, coming from a stranger, what more if it’s from someone dear to you, like here, his wife. And it’s especially hurtful to the child. Imagine just being born and your own mother doesn’t appreciate how beautiful you are. Hope the mum gets help.

Poor little darling only 3 weeks old and already not meeting her mothers expectations. If the mother truly were that fixated on looks, she should have chosen a ‘Ken Doll’ man to marry.

She needs to seek help for her issues before they influence her darling daughter