A dad-of-three says he and his wife have had a huge fight, after he claimed she’s privileged to be able to stay home with their children.

He says he understands how much work his wife does with the children and that she doesn’t have it easy, but she has dropped the ball of late.

“We have three kids that she takes to and picks up from school Monday to Friday,” he explained.

“I told her I’m very grateful that she’s home with the kids and I don’t have to miss work when they are sick. However, she still occasionally gets them to school late and I have gotten calls from the school that she didn’t pick them up and they can’t get a hold of her because she’s napping.

“We were talking about her not picking up the kids on time one day when I made the point and said, ‘You are privileged to be a stay at home mum’. This caused an enormous fight.”

He said his wife pointed out that she’s ‘on call’ 24 hours a day for the kids, and is upset at his comment.

“I was just pointing out that it’s not something that every family gets to do and we are fortunate that I make enough money for her to not have to work.”

The confused dad now wants to know if he said the wrong thing.

Let us know what you think in the comments below.

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  • About time they sat down and discussed things calmly and rationally. Yes, she is privileged that she doesn’t HAVE to go out to work and still cope with the house and 3 kids, but maybe she feels stilted and wants more outside influence to feel alive – children aren’t great conversationalists I found – so although he feels he is doing the right thing, he needs to get on the same page as her. HOWEVER, if she is napping through the day, then there is no way she could hold down a full-time job and still do all she would/should like to do in the home. Been there and done that, and it isn’t easy, ma’am.


  • I was a stay at home mum and its hard work he must not realise that or just ignorant


  • I think he worded it wrongly and it went downhill from there.


  • Has he thought about whether anything in particular has been difficult lately? Maybe she’s sick, or burnt out, and needs a little break.


  • He should have said that in a better way. Maybe would help if he asked if taking care of 3 kids is too much for her, does she needs help, is she too tired or anything he or they can do that could help prevent tardiness. He cannot assume that being on call 24/7 for the kids is that easy, does he even help out on weekends so the mom can recharge??


  • I thibk it was the way it was said. Yes they are lucky to be ble to raise 3 kid on 1 income (probably would have been best to be worded that way?)

    Perhaps instead of framing her tardiness a certain way, it could have been something along the lines of :
    What ccn we do as a family to rdeuce the instances of tardiness? Is there something that you could do to reduc her fatigue?


  • Not the best use of language but I agree that she should be taking the kids to and picking them up from school however, f she is continuously tired, perhaps there is an underlying health conditiion?


  • Wow, the kids are at school- what does she do with her day? I get sometimes needing a nap but that’s what alarms are for. She is privileged! I would love to be able to afford to stay home!


  • It’s not the fact that you’ve said the wrong thing, it’s the way you worded it. She’s not privileged just because she’s a stay at home Mum. Answer this, do you look after your children so your wife can have a day of leisure on the weekend? Do you come home and help cook or clean? Maybe you make enough money so she doesn’t have to work, but you get to have intelligent conversations with work mates while your wife looks after the 4 of you.


  • Perhaps she doesn’t feel privileged. Maybe he should have a discussion with her about that to see if she is still okay with it.


  • Definitely the wording, its not about being previleged, being a stay at home mum is hard work as well


  • look, the sentiment was there – but its a very tough gig and often mummas go to work and their work tasks are much easier by comparison

    Maybe there is a nicer way to show appreciation.


  • I feel he just worded it wrong. Yes, she’s home 24/7 with the kids but she also puts them into school Monday through Friday so it does give her a bit of “me” time but we’re not just Mums, we’re everything, cook, cleaner, nurse, gardener, chauffeur etc etc so she could be burnt out. It’s not an easy job. Maybe she wants to go back to work? But they need to sit down calmly and talk about things. Him saying that would have been like waving a red flag at a bull. But I feel he just worded it wrong and that’s all.


  • I feel like he worded it wrong, and perhaps they need to have a larger conversation about both of their roles as parents. Just because one parent is able to stay at home to look after the children doesnt mean they dont need time to themselves to rest and reset. Everyone likes a break from ‘work’ paid or otherwise.


  • It’s definitely a privilege to be a stay at home mum these days. However the wording wasn’t correct it could have been said in a lot more loving approach or the conversation could have been re visited and discussed when both sides had calmed down.


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