New mum outraged after her MIL did something very upsetting

After this UK mum ran into complications giving birth, her nervous husband rang his mother for a bit of support. What happened next has really upset the new mum.

The new mum revealed on Mumsnet that she is upset at her mother-in-law after she realised she had held her baby before she did.

The woman who writes under the username MissBax explained that her mother-in-law is a doctor and works for the same hospital trust she was delivering at, but not in the women’s section.

“She was able to obtain access to the recovery area with her work’s access card, and just let herself in without permission,” she said.

“I wasn’t asked if it was okay if she could be there, and because I was being stitched up on theatre still, she held my DD [darling daughter] before I even got to. I’m so angry and upset about this.

“Prior to going into labour, I’d discussed with DH [darling husband] that I didn’t want anyone visiting for at least a day or so, let alone have MIL [mother-in-law] there before I’ve even held my own child.”

She added, “I’m livid that the midwives allowed her to be there without asking me and I’m angry that DH didn’t advocate for me more too. He should have told her not to come, or to wait outside.”

“I had a long recovery as there were complications during the birth and so have only just really processed it. I haven’t spoken to DH about it and wouldn’t want to make him feel bad by bringing it up now but I’m really upset by it.

I don’t really know what my AIBU (am I being unreasonable) is to be honest, but just wanted to get it off my chest to someone.”

Plenty of mothers tried to offer explanations or reasons for the behaviour, saying she must have just been there to support her son but the new mum wasn’t comforted by this.

“Well yes, she was coming to support her son. But what happened to checking with the woman who’s just been cut open and had her baby removed from her for 45 mins, if it’s okay if someone can be in the recovery area (which she had accessed illegally) holding her child, without her permission?” MissBax replied.

However, plenty of mothers on the forum offered their sympathies and shared in her outrage, recommending MissBax make a formal complaint to the hospital.

How would you react in this situation?

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17 Comments

- - mundoo said
  - 01 Dec 2017
    7:47 am
I would be livid! This should not have been permitted. MIL should have asked before going to see the baby.

- - mom245659 said
  - 05 Nov 2017
    3:52 pm
That’s actually kind of creepy! Lucky she wasn’t some type of crazy lady that works there and had the access card, anything could have happened. Only thing worse than an interfering mother is an interfering Mother in law. If the husband doesn’t back his wife up here and set down ground rules for his mother I can see big trouble on the horizon for the couple’s marriage.

- - mom160421 said
  - 16 Oct 2017
    1:22 pm
I’d don’t think I would have been as upset as the mum in this article.

- - pattii said
  - 15 Oct 2017
    2:01 pm
This should never have happened. The M-I-L had no right to be there in the first place; if she was there in the capacity of supporting her son then she should have left it at that. I would be furious and it would definitely have a negative effect on my relationship with M-I-L who really, really should have known better after all she’s a mother herself and must remember how special that time is between mother and baby. So yes New Mum has every right to feel upset.

- - nadine_hill said
  - 15 Oct 2017
    8:13 am
Yep, I’d be angry too – both husband and MIL should have know better!

- - BellaB said
  - 14 Oct 2017
    7:18 pm
Yep, I’d be angry and complaining to the hospital.

- - mom206279 said
  - 14 Oct 2017
    4:29 pm
I’d be furious. It would be different if her husband had called his mum and handed her the baby. But she let herself into recovery without anyone’s permission and just helped herself. That is not ok. If that was my MIL she wouldn’t be having much to do with any kids after that.

- - mom90758 said
  - 14 Oct 2017
    12:05 pm
Yes, and unless they talk it through, this episode could affect their future relationships too.

- - mom93821 said
  - 14 Oct 2017
    8:37 am
Breaking hospital rules and protocols is not ok and rather concerning. There seems to be little thought for the mother that gave birth to the baby.

- - Ellen said
  - 14 Oct 2017
    4:14 am
I understand this mum, the MIL shouldn’t have been there and access the area without permission.

- - mom81879 said
  - 13 Oct 2017
    8:02 pm
I probably wouldn’t have been thrilled if this was me. I think I would have got over it pretty quick tho. It seems to me there were other issues happening between mil and dil before this

- - ashna9 said
  - 13 Oct 2017
    7:59 pm
It shouldn’t matter whether her MIL worked in the hospital or not. No one should be allowed to hold a newborn except for the maternity staff and the parents without permission. Aren’t there safety regulations for a reason? This means that any staff member in the hospital could walk in and hold or even take a newborn without the parents knowing??
- mom93821 replied
  
  15 Oct 2017 , 6:51 am
  Yep – there are a lot of questions to be answered – rules like this should not be broken.
- - nealsq said
  - 13 Oct 2017
    7:38 pm
sounds like something my mother in law would do, no respect

- - mom104749 said
  - 13 Oct 2017
    4:10 pm
I would of made a formal complaint to the hospital. It is the right of the mother and father to choose who sees the baby first

- - mom112217 said
  - 13 Oct 2017
    3:40 pm
The mother in-law should have know better.