Last time I wrote an article the police ended up at my house. That was over three years ago. People were genuinely concerned that I would kill myself. This is what happened whilst I was overcoming depression.

I had recently given birth to my first child. The birth experience was very traumatic. I almost died. I was bedbound for two long days, unable to pick up my child as a new mum. After four days in hospital the midwife told me it could only get better. It didn’t.

My partner at the time was quite absent in the first weeks following birth. He would leave the house to spend quality time with a close friend of mine. I was aware that they were intimate and in my post-pregnancy depressive mind I figured it had to be that way. I didn’t want to tell him not to do it for fear he would leave. Then they started talking about getting a rental together. I didn’t want my new family to be broken so I begged to go with them. Baby and I were refused.

I wasn’t mentally well, clearly. At the time I wanted to disappear. It was all a bit too much. But I had a newborn that needed me. So I pushed through. I had no choice. Yet the police still came to the house to make sure I was safe from myself. They were convinced I’d be okay.

When baby was 5 weeks old my partner said goodbye and never returned to the house. My family was broken. I wanted to disappear even more. First time mum, experiencing a breakup and loss of a close friend. Who could blame me for not wanting to feel anymore? But I had to. For baby’s sake.

During a routine checkup I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. I felt like a failure. I started therapy and it was then discovered I had general depression, anxiety and trauma. I couldn’t parent with all that in my mind and realised it was affecting my baby’s development. I needed to stop sobbing and start getting better. Bad things happened where I had little choice, but I did have the choice to mentally deal with it.

It was hard work. Two years of constant therapy, groups and then the addition of medication. Whatever helped remove the demons that got in the way of parenting. It was a hard battle. A lot of things came up that was difficult to deal with, but I came out the other end a winner.

Now I’m happily married (to someone else) and another baby on the way. And my first child is well developed and living a secure and happy life.

I fought for my sanity and the painful journey to overcoming my depression was worth it.

Life is okay.

  • I went through a similar experience with my now X partner. Though the other person involved was his narcissistic mother. She broke up his marriage then broke us up with constant lies and manipulation.
    Anyway 9 years later he still lives with his mother, at the age of 47. Hasn’t seen his daughter for nearly 3 years. He also has a restraining order on him for domestic violence ….not to mention an alcoholic.
    Though much therapy for my daughter and myself things now are looking up.

    Reply

  • Oh how sad, I’m so glad there was a light at the end of the tunnel and now she is happily married to a wonderful man with a new baby on the way. I’m sure she will get to enjoy things this time. Bless her.

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  • Aw bless, you went through a lot !! but I’m so happy to hear you survived and overcame depression and are happily married with another baby on the way !

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  • Omg what a horrible thing to go through
    Good on you for getting the help you needed and not given up and being a great parent

    Reply

  • That’s a horrible thing to go through. Is dad still present in your childs life?

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  • I hope it was some comfort that people cared enough to send police to check.

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  • Great to hear from women who have come through the other side and have rebuilt their lives

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  • Great to hear that you now have a loving supportive partner. Parenting is hard work and sometimes a very isolating experience. Hats off to you for pushing through and getting the help you needed.

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  • Good to hear every thing is okay with her now. Hugs and good wishes.

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  • So sad for someone to go through that experience with their first child. It should have been a great family moment. Great to hear things are so much better now.

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  • I’m so sorry to hear what you went through but glad things are picking up, your courage is inspiring.

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  • I hope you are ok

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  • A sad but inspiring story. I can relate to the post-natal depression. I’m just so sorry this Mum had such a shit partner and shit friend that would treat her so badly. So glad her life is okay now. She is capable of amazing things.

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  • An inspiring story, it’s never an easy thing and at the time it feels like it will never be better.

    Reply

  • A very beautiful story that overcomes the odds. Thank you for sharing and giving others hope

    Reply

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