It seems in our current society we live in a place where anything negative or anything that might offend shouldn’t be talked about or discussed. Parents are not super human.
Ohhhh. Might upset that person.
Ohhhh. Might not be well received by this group.
So many times people suffer in silence because they feel they can’t talk about their hurts or struggles and this then makes them feel like they’re alone in their struggles. It’s isolating. Silencing. Scary and lonely.
So what happens if we just don’t?
When you are the parent of a child with special needs you’re often made out to be this ‘super woman’ or ‘amazing’ parent. But it’s actually not the whole truth. You’re just a human being. Doing what you can. Some days you give it your all and the silver linings are not hard to find, and in fact you manage to collect many. Other days you’re crying in a crumpled ball in the corner of the room because you are feeling so absolutely overwhelmed and stretched and completely out of your depth. You feel unqualified.
When I’m writing about my daughters and I’m having a shit day with them; that doesn’t mean I love them any less. When I’m describing the struggles they may be having, or the effects their behaviour (even involuntary behaviour) is having on me and the the rest of our family: that doesn’t mean I wish they didn’t exist.
I’m writing about it because it’s really really hard. And maybe my writing about it will make someone experiencing similar emotions regarding the same situations a little less alone.
Maybe I’m writing about it because I’m not coping. And you know what? That’s OKAY. It’s okay not to cope some days. We aren’t super human. We are HUMAN. And we may have our hearts smashed into pieces from sheer pressure and confusion and exhaustion some days, maybe for some months – but we slowly piece ourselves back together and try again.
Because what other option is there? I won’t give up on my girls. I know they won’t give up on me.
I was thinking about how I’d feel if I was the daughter reading my mother’s recounts of my struggles, trying to put myself in my daughter’s shoes. Thinking about how I’d react, and how I’d feel.
And you know what?
I’d feel proud. Because I’d read that my mother found it really tough but she never gave up on me. She kept searching, trying, problem solving. I’d want her to look after herself, too. And I’d be so proud of her for wanting to reach out to others on a similar journey.
Parents are not super human.
Not even parents of autistic children, or children with other special needs. We are just human. Some days are utter bullshit. Some days are fantastic. It cycles, it ebbs and flows.
We are strong but we are weak.
we admit defeat.
But we never.
Can you relate to this? Please comment below.
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