Have you ever noticed that often when a mother is being recognised for her remarkable accomplishments she isn’t necessarily seen as a human being, as an individual?
Somehow her marital status is usually brought into the spotlight – but a majority of the time that only happens if she’s single.
“Single mum of two loses 30kgs”, “Single mum of twins meal preps for a month”, “Single mum wins the lottery”…
When did we stop seeing these strong women as independent individuals and start branding them by their relationship status?
I mean we hardly ever see the same lead up as part of the title when it comes to partnered mothers.
Against All Odds!
Is it purely to signify what these ladies have been through? That in the face of adversity, they somehow managed to succeed despite everything they had working against them?
Are mothers who are partnered better off? Do they face less obstacles? Do they have more support?
In an ideal world, I would have to agree and say that yes, mothers who have a partner are most definitely in a far better position in life….Or at least that is what we are often lead to believe or to hope for.
What about the mothers who are in awful relationships?
The ones who face emotional, financial or physical abuse?
Mothers who can’t excel or find their passion because they’re simply struggling to keep their heads above water – but we don’t see that.
No, all we see is a partnered mum who must be doing well because she has a spouse.
It’s Not Always Married Bliss
Perhaps he works, and they supposedly have a great income, maybe he spends time at home and people assume it’s ‘family time’.
What if he does work, but he uses all his money on gambling, alcohol or drugs? What if he does spend time at home, but during that time his partner is petrified of what could set him off next?
Of course, we can look at broken circumstances and think ‘well she should just leave’. Sadly however, statistically, most women don’t.
So which is harder then?
Being a single mum, or a partnered one?
We have all read the rants on social media relating to slack partners who refuse to help out in any way- this goes for current as well as ex-spouses.
Single mothers often do have to do absolutely everything on their own. Physically, emotionally and even financially sometimes. And that kind of hard must be intense!
Some partnered mothers do have to bear a majority of the workload as well. Perhaps their spouse just doesn’t help out around the house or with the kids or spend time at home. That sort of hard would also be quite challenging.
Which Is Harder?
Personally I can’t even imagine what is worse or which is harder because honestly I wish these scenarios didn’t exist!
I wish everyone just had fairytale relationships. But I know it’s an unrealistic dream.
I look at what I have, and I am beyond grateful every single day. I see what my friends experience on both ends of the scale and I feel deeply for them.
Single mum vs. partnered mum. Which is actually harder?
I actually don’t believe you can compare the pair- other than to say that no matter what, all mothers fiercely love their little ones. Regardless of their partner’s presence or lack thereof.
We would all move heaven and Earth for our young. Nothing changes that.
One thing is for certain though, saying that one group has it easier than the other isn’t fair at all, because until we have walked in their shoes we have absolutely no idea what they face on a daily basis.
We as individuals each have our own unique set of strengths and weaknesses which assist us depending on the environment we’re in.
I believe the role as mother is challenging enough as it is without any added pressure. Without those posts on social media telling one group how lucky and how much better off they are not to have a “man child” to look after.
Last night I saw the most awful rant on social media telling single mother’s how much easier they have it- and even though I’m not in that situation, I found it incredibly offensive.
Since when is that up to anyone to decide for someone else anyway?
It’s In Your Attitude
The main thing is that we are happy within ourselves, so that we can radiate that to the ones we love, regardless of our marital status or external uncertainties.
How easy or hard life is could quite possibly be heavily dependent on our own personal outlook on life. And maybe the reason why some mothers succeed in the face of adversity all comes down to their unbreakable attitude towards it all.
So whether you are facing this parenting gig on your own, or as a couple – I really hope that you know you’ve got this!
Who do you think has it harder – a single mum or a partnered mum? Tell us in the comments below.