Hello!

85 Comments

Mothers’ Group can be a daunting experience, especially if your baby is a colicky screamer. Jen Lester shares her top 5 tips for not only surviving mothers’ group, but for making the most of it.

I vividly remember dreading my first mothers’ group. Why? Because my gorgeous little baby was a screamer- he suffered dreadfully from colic… and he’s got powerful lungs that will stand him in great stead as an opera singer when he grows up.

We’re not talking cute little grizzles here, we’re talking full-blown screams you can hear from the next street… Can you imagine how much I feared those screams in a room full of other newborns who were lying peacefully on laps, gazing up at their mummies, whilst gurgling and cooing?

One thing most mums have in common is the importance of being a ‘good’ mum and the worry that you might make mistakes.

In the early days of motherhood, whilst you’re still gaining confidence and finding your feet, it is common to be a little concerned about what mothers’ group will be like.

So I thought I’d share my top 5 tips for making the most of the experience. After all, if I could survive it with my gorgeous little screamer – then you can too!

1. Let go of the need to be ‘perfect’:

Its important to recognise that being a good mum doesn’t require getting it right all the time and in fact that’s pretty much impossible with a new baby. All babies (even the ones that don’t have colic) are going to cry and be fussy sometimes, and its important to make peace with that. Remind yourself that’s its normal and nothing to be embarrassed about.

2. Be real – Share your experiences:

Mums who didn’t enjoy their mother’s group often describe a feeling of needing to ‘keep up appearances’. By contrast mums who love their groups say that they have a supportive group who are honest and open about what its really like being a new parent.

Now group dynamics can happen ‘by accident’, but it is also something that you can influence. Building a group dynamic of trust takes time, but if you have the courage to be honest about both the joys and the challenges of life with a newborn, its much more likely that others will follow your lead. In my case, our colic challenges were blindingly obvious, so my act of courage was to keep turning up. Now I’m glad I pushed through the embarrassment, because my group is full of really fun and supportive mums who have enriched my life.

3. Remember that everybody has different challenges:

The chances are that there will have been some confronting and upsetting experiences for many in the group. Everybody’s challenges are different: it may have been a difficult birth or one that didn’t go according to their expectations, problems with breastfeeding, settling, sleep, family dramas or medical concerns for the babies or the mums. Nerves might be particularly raw, so its worth going the extra mile to be diplomatic, understanding and avoid judging other mum’s choices or circumstances.

4. Just aim for one good conversation per meeting:

Having a conversation with a baby is a whole new experience – part of your mind is always monitoring what’s going on with the baby. Its surprising how much harder it is than in your pre-baby life to focus on a conversation with someone. The mum you’re talking to will be similarly distracted. Add a room full of new people, and double the number of names to remember, and it can seem a bit overwhelming at first. So I used to set myself a goal of having at least one good conversation, making just one connection where I remembered the mum, their baby and listened to what their experience had been. Sure I often had more than that, but I found that by setting the bar at a manageable level, I felt more relaxed.

5. Set up a “group” on Facebook:

One of the best things my mothers’ group did was set up a group on Facebook. It’s a really easy way to share information, ideas, arrange meeting times and generally stay in touch. For my group, its has fostered a culture of inclusion, because even if people were away or their baby was sick or going through a tough time, they were able to stay in touch and then re-join group activities or catch-ups when it suited them.

What was your mothers’ group experience like? Do you have any tips for making the most of it?

For more information about colic and what you can do about it check out the Survivor’s Guide to Colic.

mothers group” image from Shutterstock
  • I always had the mother who was always talking about how her baby was excelling at everything and how she just bought this and just bought that. Grrrrrr!

    Reply

  • A really interesting article! Thanks for sharing this!

    Reply

  • Well it was a long time ago but I found it to be very informative as we shared experiences and then food tips and all sorts of stuff. Great thing for new mums.

    Reply

  • I wouldn’t have survived without my mother’s group. It was a really hard decision to actually attend the first time, but it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. It was one of the few places I could go without feeling judged or inadequate. Seeing other real women who were surviving through life with newborns and knowing I wasn’t the only one who had no idea what I was doing was better than any advice, encouragement or ‘wisdom’ I ever received. It seriously should be compulsory to attend at least 2 as a first time mum. All mum’s are the same through sleep deprived eyes.

    Reply

  • This is good advice. It depends on the group of mothers.

    Reply

  • I never took part in a Mothers Group but I had my best girlfriend to have coffee and chats with and that was enough for me.

    Reply

  • love, love, love my mothers group!!!! Have totally lucked out with a great group of mums! We have all been honest and open from the get go! Its so good to be able to speak to others who are going through exactly the same thing as you are at exactly the same time! All my none mummy friends know I can’t do Thursday mornings cause thats Mums club! And we have a ‘secret’ Facebook group we can share ideas/ whinge/ cry/ laugh the rest of the week!

    Reply

  • be real is a great tip! honesty will help you to connect to the other mothers

    Reply

  • I wish we had a mothers group maybe I should start one

    Reply

  • We created our own mother’s group in our circle of friends — 4 of us all had our babies within 9 weeks of each other so we get together as often as we can, our children are growing up together, we get to catch up and it’s nice to have friends who are going through pretty much the same things at the same times and who understand joys and frustrations!

    Reply

  • Mothers groups don’t suit everybody. Sometimes you can meet another mum at a park or somewhere and start chatting. You never know, you might make a new friend.

    Reply

  • This is great advice, would be better if everyone in mothers group read this as I feel huge competiton at them so I don’t go

    Reply

  • Mother’s groups can be fantastic when you have a great group.

    Reply

  • Great advice. Will take onboard. Thanks!

    Reply

  • i didnt go to a mums group as i had a screamer for a baby

    Reply

Post a comment
Like Facebook page

LIKE MoM on Facebook

Please enter your comment below
Would you like to include a photo?
No picture uploaded yet.
Please wait to see your image preview here before hitting the submit button.
Your MoM account


Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your comment and join MoM:

You May Like

Loading…

Looks like this may be blocked by you browser or content filtering.

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating
Join