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A beautifully touching post on Love What Matters over the weekend had us reaching for the tissues and squeezing our little ones just that bit tighter.

Love What Matters shared a gorgeous post from foster Mum, Amber Davis.

“We lost the fight. And by “lost” I mean I didn’t get what I wanted. My white picket fence has a hole in it and she’s gone. I made sure she smelled of lavender before she left. Filled her favorite sippy cup with half water, half apple juice for the ride to her new home for a bit of comfort and distraction. Told her I loved her and purposely made her holler and squirm from being hugged too tight.

She likes to give hugs, but hates being restrained in one. I wonder how long it’ll take her new family to figure that out.

I wonder if they’ll learn that she’s a bit reflective of the Princess and the Pea fairy tale in that she has to have a soft pillow to get comfortable and sleep well at night. Otherwise, she’ll grunt and continually wake up throughout the night trying to get comfortable.

I wonder if they’ll figure out she loves to fist bump and blow it up right before going to sleep. It makes her giggle.

She does sign language now to help with communication. If they ask her, she’ll sign “please” for them and let them know when she’s all done eating. I hadn’t gotten around to teaching her “thank you” yet, but that was going to be next.

I know she’ll be thrilled if they don’t make her keep her headband on her head like I have the past 6 months. She hates them. I’d get the stink eye every time I told her to leave it alone. Sassypants.

Josiah asked why I was packing up her things last night. I answered immediately from the depths of my heart: ‘I don’t know.’ But then I realized I had a responsibility to try to help my growing, curious 4-year-old grasp something that I still don’t quite understand myself: why can’t she stay?

As I fumbled my way through an explanation about needing to go live and be together with her sisters…I could see the look of confusion on his face…’but we’re her brothers.’

My brain scrambled for another answer, but I blanked. So instead I changed the subject. ‘The good news is that Avonlea will be born soon and you’ll have another sister to play with! And you will be her big brother and she will always live with us.’

I could tell by the look on his face that my lame attempt at explaining things had failed to add up. It just doesn’t make sense. Not to him and…frankly…not to me, either.

The heartbreak is overwhelming me tonight. The tears just won’t stop. This first loss is more painful than I ever imagined it would be and something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. So the next time I see that all-too-familiar phone number pop up on my caller ID, asking if we are willing and able to open up our hearts and take in another child who needs us to sacrifice everything we have in order to love them for an undetermined amount of time…I already know what my answer will be.

Absolutely. Let’s do this. For 6 months or for forever…we’re in.”

Amber added in the comments “Due to already having 2 children and another on the way, we were not able to accommodate both her and her sisters in our current home. So they decided to move our little girl to a new foster home who was able to take in all three girls. Just waiting to hit the lottery to buy my mansion to more kids in need!”

Submitted by Amber Davis

The post has received nearly 5000 shares and over 1700 comments.

Very touching and raw. I have always said I could not be a foster parent for this exact reason. It would hurt so much to hand them back after an extended period.

Have you consider (or are you) a foster parent?

Share your comments below.

Image via Love What Matters, Facebook

  • these people invest so much of themselves into the children and this would be a tough and emotional job to handle

    Reply

  • We did think about fostering for a while but found the thought of having to give them back at some stage would probably break my heart. My deepest thanks to the people who have fostered children when necessary and I take my hat off to you.

    Reply

  • I just couldn’t do it, would get far to attached to the child and not want to give them back. My mind would be forever tormented-are they being looked after correctly and being loved. You would need to be a special person for this, full of love but able to let go.

    Reply

  • We have toyed with the idea of fostering a child but we’ve never taken it any further. Our son has ASD so we find things challenging at different times and don’t know if a foster child would fit our family. As the parents of an only child though, I feel we have so much to give. I don’t know how I’d go with the attachment and letting go. I just don’t know…

    Reply

  • I have been considering becoming a foster parent, and am looking into it. Reading your story has touched my heart. I am sorry for your loss of this little girl. I wish you all the best with your coming birth, with blessings and love. Thank you for sharing your pain, when she is grown up I hope she knows just how much you did for her and loved her. All the best to you and your family.

    Reply

  • I know a couple who were foster parents for many years. Some of the children had been abused and had to be taken to the Dr. for treatment. Some of them had big bruises, horrendous nappy rash, or grossly underweight. One child they had they had to rush to the Dr. within 12 hours and the child was admitted for hospital for emergency treatment. Obviously the child hadn’t been checked whether she needed treatment before being taken to the Foster Home. One school age child had no disability but spoke very little. They found out the parents rarely spoke to the child unless he alledgely misbehaved. It was probably the only way he got any attention.

    Reply

  • It is so hard to be a foster parent – but at least you know the child found out what love was while you had them in your care. My girlfriend has fostered many children and adopted two of them while having 5 of her own. I take my hat off to her.

    Reply

  • Thank you for sharing this article.

    Reply

  • We have 2 kids in permanent care and do beside that emergency and short term care. O course we feel attached to the kids in permanent care, they been with us for years and won’t leave till adulthood. We’re now have the parental responsibility over them, so no more interactions with caseworkers which is great.
    For the kids who come temporary in our care I feel love and care but little till no attachment.
    My own kids LOVE having extra children coming. We always decide about it together and I make sure they understand it’s just for a time we get to be part of their lives and they get to be part of our lives and that that is a honor !

    Reply

  • Have been a foster carer for over 25 years and have said goodbye to many teenagers, babies and little ones that have been with us for weeks or years. a piece of you dies each time you say goodbye, but you know they have known your love for at least some time. Have also cared for babies that have grown to become strong and independent adults and you know the struggle was worth it, and am still caring for seven children ages between 1 year and 12 years and you never really know how long you have them for and you know it will break your heart if they leave, but the saying what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is so true and there are so many children who need those strong people who are willing to sacrifice to give them the love they so desperately need so they have hope for a better future. It’s very hard, yes very very hard but somebody has to do it.

    Reply

  • I wanted to be a foster carer but I couldn’t bear having to give the kids back, it would just break my heart

    Reply

  • Mum used to do respite foster care and she got really attached to some of those kids and they were usually onlt there on the weekends. I know I couldn’t do it.

    Reply

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