If you’re parenting a neurodivergent child, you’ve probably heard it all. The unsolicited advice, side-eye in the supermarket, and the classic: “They just need more discipline/less screen time/more healthy food”. The truth? Unless you’re living it, you just don’t get it.
Parents of neurodivergent children live a version of parenting most people don’t see.
It’s intense.
It’s beautiful.
It’s relentless.
And it’s often completely misunderstood.
So we decided to ask our beautiful Mouths of Mums community what they wished others understood about their day-to-day reality as parents of neurodivergent kids.
So whether you have neurodivergent kids yourself and want to connect through these shared experiences, or you want to understand the reality of your mum-friends who have neurodivergent kids, it’s worth taking the time to read
Here’s what mums of neurodivergent kids want you to know:
They’re not being naughty … they’re struggling
This comment came up again and again. Meltdowns aren’t tantrums. They’re not about being ‘spoilt’ or ‘attention-seeking’. Mums explained their kids’ meltdowns are a response to overwhelm, anxiety, sensory overload, or a world that’s too fast, too loud, too unpredictable.
“They’re not giving YOU a hard time – they’re having a hard time,” Tara said.
Nicole put it bluntly: “My child is not naughty and corporal punishment will not stop him from having a meltdown!!”
Girls often mask – and it’s exhausting
Many people still think of autism or ADHD through a male lens. Jess shared, “Girls mask better than boys!!! That’s why you can’t even begin to imagine my sweet little girl having a 2-hour meltdown.”
They hold it in all day, only to unravel once they’re home and feel safe. It’s not fake – it’s survival.
It’s not bad parenting. So stop judging.
You wouldn’t believe the comments some of these parents are subjected to. Things like: “They just need more discipline.” “You’re too soft.” “He needs a smack.”
No. Just no.
“Behind every ‘too loose’ parenting you see from us is a huge amount of anxiety, fatigue, experience and knowledge,” Sahar explained.
Rachel added: “So-called ‘normal’ discipline techniques are not only ineffective, they’re counterproductive. We’re not allowing bad behaviour—we’re doing what works for our kids.”
Every ND child is different
Autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent conditions exist on a spectrum. What works for one child might completely fail for another.
“Just because little Johnny does that, doesn’t mean little Amy has to be the same,” said Lee.
There’s no one-size-fits-all. These parents are constantly learning, adapting, and trying again.
It’s isolating
From friends who stop inviting you to birthday parties, to family members who don’t ‘get it’, many parents feel like they’re doing it all alone.
Rowena said, “We feel so lonely and judged.”
Kim added, “It’s isolating socially and emotionally. All judgmental comments cut through you like a knife.”
Meltdowns affect the whole family
It’s not just the child who’s struggling. Parents and siblings often carry the emotional toll too. “It’s emotionally, physically and socially exhausting for the parent, child and the whole family,” Fiona shared.
Danielle summed it up: “A lot of the time it’s survival. Surviving until the end of the day.”
They don’t grow out of it
This isn’t a phase. It’s not something they’ll “snap out of when they’re older.”
Rosa said, “Anxiety and being on the spectrum doesn’t just disappear when they grow older. It’s a lifetime thing.”
That doesn’t mean there’s no growth or progress. It just means support doesn’t end at 18.
These kids are amazing
This needs to be said louder.
Yes, it’s hard. Yes, some days feel impossible. But these kids have depth, creativity, humour, empathy, and a way of seeing the world that’s genuinely incredible.
Natalie said, “Their differences can be so beautiful… the hardest part is helping your child see that beauty when the systems around them don’t.”
Parents are doing their best … and then some
These parents are battle-ready every single day, not with their kids, but with the world. Fighting schools, healthcare systems, society’s expectations, and their own exhaustion.
And still, they keep going.
Jennifer said, “Even on the good days, you feel like a failure. That said, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.”
If you want to help – listen
Don’t offer parenting tips unless you’ve lived this life. Don’t compare them to a character on TV. And please don’t assume you know better.
What these families need is less judgement and more kindness. Less advice and more support.
“Kindness without judgement goes a long way,” Danielle said.
So next time you see a child having a supermarket meltdown, or a parent who looks like they’re barely holding it together, take a breath. Assume there’s more going on than meets the eye.
You don’t have to understand it all.
Just don’t judge.
Maybe even offer a smile.
It might be the best thing that happens to them all day.
If you’d like to continue the discussion, we’d love you to share your thoughts in the comments below.
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tessie said
- 26 Jun 2025
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MamaBear said
- 23 Jun 2025
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meedee said
- 20 Jun 2025
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mom265671 said
- 19 Jun 2025
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MumofOne said
- 19 Jun 2025
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- 19 Jun 2025
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- 19 Jun 2025
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- 19 Jun 2025
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- 18 Jun 2025
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- 18 Jun 2025
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ChiWren said
- 18 Jun 2025
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