Are men possibly more supportive of one another? Less judgmental? Do they have a better relationship than what women do with each another? My husband broke our baby news to his best friend before I had even purchased a pregnancy test!
He had already accepted words of congratulations and well wishes without needing to wait for the word ‘pregnant’ to flash up on some new age digital stick.
Side Note: Who even has the patience to deal with those old school dip and pray tests that give you the faintest second line anymore. You know – those tests which leave you to your own defenses where you’re neither here nor there because you can’t tell whether that second test line is actually visible or not. So then you end up having to anonymously post your pregnancy test in a forum of ladies who will zoom into it in an effort to try and work out the results for you – some members may even reverse the colours of your photo to try and get a more accurate response.
No, I wasn’t going through all of that foolery as exciting as the experience all sounds!
I sent my hubby a three-minute long video of my test – because that’s how long new technology takes to give you the results. But he didn’t even need the confirmation.
There Was No Waiting For Confirmation
He was already sharing new car ideas with his best friend and he really didn’t need any further information from me in order to enjoy this exciting male bonding experience.
How was he able to share this joy with his best mate when I hadn’t broken the baby news to a single soul yet?
I prefer to wait until we’ve had an ultrasound and know that all is progressing well. However, doing it that way also leaves less room for support should something not go to plan… although a big part of me questions that very ‘support’ concept.
From experience I know that a lot of people aren’t fans of big families, they don’t really want to be surprised with any pregnancy news after baby number two. So how much reliable support would there be, God forbid, there was any heartbreaking news. Could a mother of many children still seek support for pregnancy loss, or would the reaction she would be met with simply be ‘well I told you not to have any more kids’.
Why Are Mums Judged For Pregnancy?
Why are mothers judged so harshly when dads-to-be are celebrated by their male friends no matter what number pregnancy it is? In fact, I’ve often heard my hubby’s best friend ask him how much longer until he has another baby – as though my hubby is the soul deciding force in pregnancy.
I must admit it’s beautiful and I do envy their carefree attitude towards having babies. It’s almost as though the sky is the limit, there is absolutely no judgement when it comes to a bloke’s reaction to baby news, no matter what number pregnancy it is – which is just the polar opposite to most female’s reactions!
Within weeks of sharing his baby news with his best friend, my hubby found out that his best friend is also expecting a baby, his first!
Watching their excitement grow and flourish has been lovely – but it also makes me question whether blokes are somehow closer to each other than females are? Are they less catty? Do they experience more genuine joy for one another’s good fortune?
Or do females understand the depth of pregnancy on a much deeper level? Are we more concerned about all the risks involved and is that expressed as negativity towards a person’s decision to have another baby, when in actual fact they could just be worried about whether everything will work out well?
What’s Behind Those Reactions?
I don’t know what the driving force is behind a lot of women’s shock horror reactions to finding out someone is pregnant with any number baby after she already has two. Where that harsh judgement stems from eludes me. But perhaps they know something that I don’t, maybe they’ve had awful past experiences which no one knows about. Or maybe they are stuck, limiting their mind to imagining themselves in that pregnant person’s shoes and how much they would dislike it that they can’t help but question why anyone in their right mind would want to put themselves through another pregnancy.
Whatever the case may be, I’m happy that I don’t know where their stress comes from. I feel lighter not being weighed down by the concern and judgement others feel for pregnancy news which is not their own. Ignorance truly is bliss when it comes to not knowing where intolerance comes from and it allows you to maintain a sense of self, as well as enabling you to express joy for other’s life blessings without feeling the need to place unnecessary judgment where it simply doesn’t belong.
What if blokes are able to show nothing but love and support towards one another because they don’t have to face the physical fear of enduring birth? Maybe those friends who take pregnancy news harshly actually feel so close to you that they fear your pregnancy news as though they had to manage the pain of it all themselves… wouldn’t it be lovely if females really aren’t so judgemental after all, although it still doesn’t detract from the fact that words can be hurtful, especially at such a sensitive time.
If only we could all just celebrate baby news, without passing cruel judgement, especially if we’re not the ones left holding the baby. Besides, is all that unnecessary worry about a pregnancy that doesn’t impact your life really worth all the Botox you’re going to need to reverse those deep frown lines? I’m kidding of course, but that’s exactly how rude pregnancy remarks feel, totally ridiculous and absolutely unnecessary.
Have you ever had negative reactions to your baby news? Tell us in the comments below.