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A few years ago, I heard the term “date night” and thought, ‘Do you really have to schedule it in? Things must be dire if that’s the case!’

I was a carefree lady and my boyfriend (now husband) and I could pick up and go, whenever we decided to enjoy an impromptu dinner & drinks or night out on the town. Our  connection and the sparks as lovers was shining brightly!

Fast forward a few years and we’re now big fans of “date night”. In the midst of being parents, working full time, raising a child, running a business and having no family around; it’s a crucial part of what keeps us going as a couple. Otherwise it was very easy for life to get in the way and precious couple time disappear.

 

When you become a Mum, the enormity of the responsibility and attention required to support a little human can be overwhelming and all encompassing. Weeks and months pass by where your focus is entirely focused on this and understandable nothing else.

However, it’s important to you to reconnect with all your other identities; Partner, lover, friend, etc. As parents, it’s easy for us to get caught up in the functional, organising lunches, paying the bills & sorting stuff. It can be easy to lose track of the lover’s part of your relationship.

Before you know it, you’re bickering over who forgot to get the groceries or leaving the kitchen a mess. The fun, joking around part of you has all but disappeared and been replaced with seriousness. The spark has become fireworks but not the good kind!

 

Date night is a way of reconnecting firstly as friends, having some fun together which builds to stronger lovers. Regular intimacy and a good healthy sex life is always good stress relief! Laughing, enjoying each other’s company without the burden of running a busy household. It’s uninterrupted time to focus on you two again. Time to reconnect with what makes you feel attractive and attracted to each other. A chance for a woman to put on some clothes that haven’t got sticky paw print all other then. A chance for her to embrace that fun, flirty side of her. To remember that she is someone to be desired and reconnect with that desire and love for her partner.

 

Taking regular time out for a date night continually anchors these feelings and links to that part of you. This then builds to little signs of affection in the everyday chaos. The little cuddle whilst cooking dinner, the stolen kiss as you walk past to grab a cuppa, the snuggling on the couch whilst you collapse in a heap after a hard day. The love and respect flows as you are closer. There is a lightness to you. Issues are easier to resolve as you are a team.

Without this regular date night occurrence, it becomes easy to feel “forgotten” or “taken for granted” in your relationship. None of it is intended. However, if you’re not regularly filling up your love tank, it’s going to run dry and resentment likely starts to build. Things get heavy and serious.

 

And why does this matter to your kids?

 

 

They see the love and affection between you and it makes them feel safe. They see you as a solid unit. They form their beliefs of what a healthy relationship is from observing you. If they see a couple that is comfortable cuddling, kissing, joking around and working through issues together.

Sometimes things may get a little heated resolving issues however overall, they experience love and affection and they feel safe. If they never see you as a couple taking time to focus on you as a couple, they will assume that’s not necessary to do so when they are older. Like your health and fitness, you need to invest energy and time into your relationship to keep it healthy. Our kids need to know it isn’t a set and forget. They learn everything from us.

 

Your kids also learn that they are not number 1 in your world. No question, you love them and take care of them. However, they learn that there is more to Mum. That they have to share her. There are many parts to her identity and there is no reason to be threatened by that. In fact, when Mum is fulfilled by being all that she loves, she is the fun, happy Mum that they love and adore. They see this woman who takes care of herself, who is openly adored by their Dad (or partner) and they realise that you are so much more.

 So, embrace date night!

Give yourselves some time to reconnect with each other and why you fell in love in the first place. I promise you the effects of investing in your relationship will ripple throughout the rest of your world.

 

What are some of your favourite date night ideas!

Let us know in the comments OR post a photo of you & your hubby/wife enjoying date night with the #MoMslovedatenight!

  • I totally agree with this article. If you don’t make time for your partner, its always about something to do for the kids. Whether its the constant demands, or the stresses of living with kids, it can be all that parents talk about. Time is limited and I find we tend to quickly inform each other of what our kids are up to and discuss schedules and appointments and chores and homework and issues the kids are having. However, I find my partner is reluctant to make time to go see a movie for example and suggests we take the kids, when I’ve gone to great lengths to organise a baby sitter. its a rare treat for us to go anywhere. I keep trying to tell him its my way of re-charging and this makes me more giving and kind to my loved kids. I need a recharge of one hour every five weeks, but he tends to think I’m being unfair.

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  • My wonderful parents would often come & stay the weekend with our 3 boys to give us a weekend away together. I’m sure it was the time away from the demanding daily needs of the boys that kept our love alive & gave us a chance to share our time alone together.

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  • yeah it is important to pay attention to your other half!

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  • Date nights are so important and I really wish myself and my partner had more of them. With 3 kids with the youngest being 10 weeks I do not get any time without my kids.

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  • Date nights give me something to look forward to and help me keep my sanity.

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  • Helpful if you have a good support network!

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  • If your children are at school and your husband does night shift it might be easier to do a date lunch. I know of a few couples who do exactly that. You may have a friend that would mind your children for awhile during the day but not at night

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  • We don’t have babysitters so we bring date night to us at home! Once the kids are in bed We have a beer and wine, watch movies, or listen to music, then have some take out for dinner!

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  • With 6 kids and no family in this country, no date night for us at the moment.


    • Its hard without that family support. We have no family here either. At home date nights can work just as well. You may just have to get creative. Section off a part of the place for you or set up some wine & nibbles on the balcony or the bedroom or grab a shower together. Set the kids up with a movie for a mini date night at home.

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  • We don’t do date night but we do try and get away together several times a year.

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  • We don’t do date night, but I think my kids see plenty of casual affection between us.


    • That works too! Sounds like the spark is alive and well. Small and consistent is good.

    Reply

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