We woke up to some sad news this morning with the passing of Joan Rivers, aged 81, the world has lost one of it’s most outrageous female comedians.

Joan Rivers had been on life support since the weekend and sadly it had to be turned off Thursday morning. Rivers had suffered a heart attack during a surgical procedure and was placed on life support. It is understood that she died shortly after the family made the gut wrenching decision to turn off life support.

Her daughter issued a statement shortly after:

“It is with great sadness that I announce the death of my mother, Joan Rivers. She passed peacefully at 1:17 p.m. surrounded by family and close friends. My son and I would like to thank the doctors, nurses, and staff of Mount Sinai Hospital for the amazing care they provided for my mother. Cooper and I have found ourselves humbled by the outpouring of love, support, and prayers we have received from around the world. They have been heard and appreciated. My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.”

Joan was well know for her over the top one liners and certainly never held back, happy to tackle any topic. Some of the best one’s though were when she would take pegs off herself.

To celebrate her life we have put together some of Joan Rivers funniest one-liners:

  1. “I have no sex appeal. If my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.”
  2. “I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for ‘Best Special Effects.”
  3. “I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.”
  4. “I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die, they will donate my body to Tupperware”
  5. “My breasts are so low, now I can have a mammogram and a pedicure at the same time”
  6. People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”
  7. “I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.”
  8. “The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.”
  9. “The only way I can get a man to touch me at this age is plastic surgery.”
  10. “Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa, you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.'”

My personal favourite is number 10. Do you have a favourite?
Main image courtesy of Shutterstock.com

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  • Number 6 made me laugh. I was sad when she passed away. She had such a blunt/truthful yet funny way of expressing herself. She would have been pretty gorgeous without the surgery.


  • She’ll always and forever be my favorite comedienne!


  • Thanks again for sharing some of Joan’s work.


  • yes her comedy will be missed


  • Thanks for sharing these quotes which are an ongoing legacy.


  • She was one very funny lady that was for sure She will be missed


  • Omg she will be missed she was one of the most amazing funniest woman rip


  • RIP Joan rivers funny lady. no 7


  • Rest in peace joan Rivers


  • Yes I agree. I wasn’t a fan of hers either. However.. she did live a long successful life and brightened up the lives of many. RIP Joan Rivers


  • She did have some very funny one liners!


  • Was such sad news to hear – I love number 7 – made me laugh!


  • RIP Joan.
    Yes she had some good one-liners, but her everyday view on the world didnt impress me much, Im afraid.

    • I agree with you. I appreciate that she found any topic fair game for her comedy, herself included, but I wasn’t a fan.
      Still, I think a lot of people would have been saddened by her passing.


  • Sad to hear. Joan had some great one-liners….. I like no.4 on the list :)


  • Very sad news to learn about the passing of Joan.


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