Giving birth to a child is relatively easy, even if you found it painful it happened over a well defined moment in time and although you may have in your mind that it took ages, most child births are under 1 or 2 days in the majority of cases.
However, giving birth to the new you (the mum, the new identity, the new role in the family, the carer of a little child, the women who still has dreams, passions and aspirations, the girl who above all wants to be loved and accepted) is a tough journey and it doesn’t happen overnight.
Becoming a mum is a transition that takes time. It is determined by how flexible you are about accepting your new life, the support you can access in your environment and most importantly the beliefs you have and how you see the new chapter of your life.
I took me a while to get used to the new person I became, or should I say probably, it has taken me time as I am every day evolving as a woman.
After becoming a mum there is a period where most of your full time and attention is on the newborn and that how it has to be. As your little baby grows into a toddler there will be always more things to do around the house like washing and cooking, plus keeping her entertained, and helping her to explore the world and socialise at playdates with little friends.
Your to do list will never end and you will never achieve everything you want to do in a week, as simple as that. However, I am here to tell you that you need to put yourself on the list and make sure you tick off the list that very well deserved me-time. A time in your busy week where you can connect with you is a must to keep sane, healthy and happy.
This is of course much easier said than done. I have struggled with this, especially with my oldest girl who demands a lot of my attention. She is now at school but she still is like my shadow and she follows me everywhere I go. When my second girl was born, life got busier and crazier. I was in the midst of being a perfect mother and wife and I forgot about myself.
I didn’t recognise myself when looking in the mirror. I was lost. My priorities changed dramatically and ‘my time’ was not mine any longer. This was the hardest thing to give up in the whole process of giving birth to the new me. Recognising that things are not up to me anymore and losing control of the time has been challenging.
Making the choice not to be a victim and take responsibility for my happiness and my well being, as well as going with the flow and lowering my expectations has made my days easier and my life more pleasant.
It has been now more than 6 years since I gave birth to my new self, and I keep evolving day after day. I know is a never ending journey of growth and evolution. During this time I have encountered many mentors in my path and I have learned a lot of strategies to empower me to find joy in the chaos, to accept things are they are and to understand and people’s actions (including my girls’ behaviour).
So if you are walking the same motherhood maze, this is my advice for you today:
1) Be aware that you are evolving, be patient with the new person you are becoming.
Take time to develop a close intimate friendship with the woman you see in the mirror, support her during the tough days, celebrate with her small wins and happy moments.
2) Invest in nurturing your body, inspiring your mind, and feeding your soul.
Do stuff for yourself, keep your hobbies alive, follow your dreams, and fill up your cup. You need to recharge your energy to be able to give away more to your love ones. Go to the movies, meet a friend, have a drink, do some exercise, get a massage, read a book, or have your nails done.
3) Express your emotions and sit with your feelings
You can journal about the motherhood journey and talk to your partner/friends about how you feel and what you need. Asking for help is important! Don’t be afraid to look incompetent or unable to cope with everything. Remember that when raising a child everything is new and you do need time to learn and adjust to new changes.
4) Live in the moment, enjoy your kids
Children grow too fast, and sometimes we miss their beauty, innocence and loving nature because we are so much focus in the end result (getting somewhere, being on time, rushing to bed). Enjoy the ride and open your eyes and live in the present.
Can you relate to this? Please share in the comments below.