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Article ‘Am I Wrong For Asking My Ex If Our Son Could Bring His Stepbrother On Their Camping Trip?’

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A mum says she can’t understand why her ex won’t let their son bring his stepbrother on a father-son camping trip, given that the stepbrothers have such a strong bond.

The woman says she and her ex divorced when their son was six. When he was eight, she began dating her current husband, who also had an eight-year-old son.

“On the day my son met his stepbrother they stood in front of each other, sized each other up the way little boys do, and were silent for a moment. Then my son asked, ‘Do you want to play Smash Bros?’ and his stepbrother said yes, and then ran upstairs. It was fraternal love at first sight. They’ve been attached at the hip ever since,” she explained.

“My stepson’s mother passed a few years ago, and my husband was actually reticent to introduce me and my son to his two kids, because he thought it was too soon. It turns out that where some kids get a pet after a parent dies, my stepson and stepdaughter got a brother.

“The first year we were all together my stepson asked if my son could come along when they visited their mother at the cemetery on her birthday, and he spent the whole car ride over telling my son all about her, and it seemed therapeutic for him. Later that night I checked in and saw that my son had climbed up to the top bunk and they had fallen asleep curled up together.

“Before she entered her current 7-going-on-17 phase my stepdaughter used to crawl into my son’s lap as often as she did my stepson and ask them to read to her.”

Both of the boys are now 11, and she says her son’s relationship with his father isn’t a particularly close one.

“Since the divorce my ex-husband has been unreliable at best. He cancels on my son regularly, making some excuse about work or what have you. The twice monthly weekend together have trailed off to the or four times a year. Every time I have to tell my son his father cancelled, my stepson goes to his father and asks if the three of them can do something together.

“One of the few things my ex-husband likes enough to always follow through with is camping. My son loves camping as well, and he’s the one who convinced my stepson to join Boy Scouts. The thing is, this year he wants to bring his stepbrother along.

“I told my ex-husband this and he got upset, saying that it’s their time together and he doesn’t want someone else’s kid along with them. He says that it’s supposed to be the two of them bonding.”

“I told him he’s had plenty of chances to bond that he blew off for one reason or another, and that he should consider himself lucky that he has such a compassionate and sensitive son and that our son still wants anything to do with him. He hung up on a huff.”

The woman’s ex-mother-in-law also got involved, calling to voice her opinion.

“His mother called yesterday to complain that I was expecting my ex to just sit their while my son and stepson went off on their own and ignored my ex completely, and said that I need to look at it from his perspective since he only ‘gets’ to see our son a few times a year.

“For obvious reasons this annoyed me to the point where I hung up. My husband says that he gets it and thinks I should let it just be the two of them. Am I the a**hole?”

Let us know what you think of this situation in the comments below. 

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Comments

  • You have every right to ask, and he has the right to say no. There is no need for the ex MIL to get involved though.

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  • Don’t think its wrong but its the dad’s camping trip after all

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  • I don’t think you’re wrong but I can understand. Let your son know that his Dad only wants it to be the 2 of them this time around. If your son is upset, let him tell his Dad how he feels. If you try to intervene then it will only fall back on you. I wish you luck

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  • You’re not wrong to ask, but respecting his response would be a good thing.

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  • And to add to my earlier comment, even if he’s doing a bad job as a dad, I can understand why he might prefer to only take his son. What does your new husband think?

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  • it sounds like the communication is very open which is great to see

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  • These is never a problem to ask and its always the right thing. Ex hubby has a right to say no as not only the step-son isn’t his child but maybe he would like to spend time alone with his own child. Fair enough, he has been unreliable and has had many chances but at the end of the day, it’s ex hubby’s choice. Can’t get mad or be disappointed in him saying no.

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  • It is up to your ex to decide if he wants to take on the burden if another son on the camping trip, but it wasn’t wrong of you to ask. Maybe letting him go alone won’t be such a bad thing, and if he is unhappy on the camp with his father, maybe the father will think twice about it next time, if there is one.

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  • It’s up to him to the ex to decide, but it’s okay to have asked. It’s only a short time and maybe they will benefit from being apart for a little.

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  • You don’t know if you don’t ask, but never expect a yes…
    You ex has every right to say no, it’s not his child even if it was a friend your child wanted to take, if he didn’t want them to go, he shouldn’t have to let them, looking after 1 child while camping is hard, let alone 2 and one you don’t know.

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  • If dad wanted to ‘bond’ with his son because he doesn’t see him often he would make more of an effort to see him. But in saying that he isn’t obligated to look after someone else. Doesn’t hurt to ask but if he just wants it just him and his son then that’s fair enough also.

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  • Not wrong to ask, and no harm is doing so. However, if your ex-husband doesn’t want to that’s perfectly fine too! You yourself even said that they don’t have a strong bond (your ex and his/your son) so let them have time alone together. Let them build up their bond!

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  • Mums not wrong for asking Dad is not wrong for saying no. If I only saw my chikd twice a year id want one on one time too

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  • Father can only see son 2 times a year what have you done why do you push him out of your sons life. Yes you are the problem 363 days a year and the Father is not for 2 days a years. You go take the step son camping he is your problem now

    • That was a very nasty comment.
      Why are you so quick to assume it is the mother’s fault that her ex only sees their son a couple times a year. She even posted that he continuously cancels on plans to see his son and makes excuses. If their feels more comfortable having his stepbrother tag along because he obviously doesn’t have much of a bond/relationship with his dad then there is absolutely no problem her asking.
      Maybe next time try reading the post PROPERLY before commenting.

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  • You were not wrong for asking and the biological dad was not wrong for saying no

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  • The father should not have to take care of a child that is not his during his visitation time. If the mum keeps pushing the point, this will no doubt drive a further wedge in the relationship, making the father even less likely to spend time with the son, which ultimately hurts the son. It’s ok for her to ask, but it is completely ok for the father to say no, that should be the end of it.

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  • This is really had. If the kids love spending time together then it should be ok but I also think the father and son should have some bonding time together too.

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  • The mum is making it her choice. It’s the dads choice. You ask he has said no, this needs to be respected and left at that. He doesn’t want another kid along its his choice who he wants to have along. Take the 2 boys out together on your own camping trip. Or if you want find someone else that’ll take them together. Very unfair to get annoyed he won’t take the other boy. Like what’s the real issue sounds like you want a break and both kids gone. Granny most probably doesn’t want the responsibility of seeing and looking after another child too, as sounds like she’s not getting to see her grand kid much too

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  • I think the dad should just spend time with his son. Although the boys would have more fun together, it will make the dad sad seeing all he is missing out on. If the dad doesn’t give it his best, his son will choose his loving family over the bio dad. I think a family camping trip, or one with brothers and stepdad would be better than forcing stepson or bio dad to feel left out and resentful.

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  • I agree with the comment below. It’s fair to ask bur also fair for him to say no

    Reply
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