A mum says she’s unsure if she’s doing the right thing, after refusing to give her ex-husband an embryo they created while they were married.
She and her ex-husband married young and tried for a baby early on, without any success. After visiting a fertility clinic she says they discovered that he was the one with fertility issues.
“It was confusing since male infertility wasn’t even in our thoughts,” she explained on reddit. “He got tested and that’s when we found out he has a zoospermia meaning he has no sperm. We were shocked and upset and it was hard on us.
“He ended up getting a microTESE surgery where they take sperm directly from the penis and we ended up getting five sperms. The doctor said it was a miracle. Three were viable and made into embryos with my egg and we implanted two. One implanted and we had our son. Things were fine after that. We did end up separating and divorcing amicably.”
The woman has since gone on to have more children with her current husband, while her ex-husband recently remarried.
“His wife is really kind and nice and gets along with our son well. I didn’t know if they had plans to adopt or have a donor or what to have a family together. I thought my ex was clear on that he couldn’t have any more biological kids considering the test we had done was a one time thing typically.
“In December they invited me over for a dinner which I thought was nice. It was a catered five star meal, I was wondering why they were being so kind, thought maybe because of the holidays coming up. Turns out they were planning to ask me if I could ‘adopt’ over the embryo we have to them as they desperately want to have a biological child together.
“I explained that I didn’t feel comfortable having another biological child with my ex-husband considering I’m remarried.”
“Also I wouldn’t feel ok with MY biological child being inserted into her and having her be pregnant and birth the baby. I don’t feel a connection to an embryo but I do my living breathing newborn. I just can’t imagine that dynamic.
“They said that it’s not just mine but also my ex-husband’s and it’s his only chance to have another biological child and he deserves to have the chance to experience a pregnant with his wife again. I told them I understand but that I was standing firm in my no. They both cried and I left. I told my husband and he agrees with me and says they should adopt or use a donor or even adopt another embryo someone has up for adoption.”
The woman thought the issue was done with, until she started getting pressure from mutual friends.
“They told mutual people we both know who are now in my business messaging and calling me wanting to tell me their two cents on what I should do. Most are telling me I would be a saviour to help them have a baby and that it’s not just mine and that if it was the opposite way with me being infertile and us having one shared embryo left that I would want to use it. It’s making me feel guilty so many people are telling me I’m being selfish or immature. What should I do?”
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