A mum says she’s unsure if she’s doing the right thing, after refusing to give her ex-husband an embryo they created while they were married.

She and her ex-husband married young and tried for a baby early on, without any success. After visiting a fertility clinic she says they discovered that he was the one with fertility issues.

“It was confusing since male infertility wasn’t even in our thoughts,” she explained on reddit. “He got tested and that’s when we found out he has a zoospermia meaning he has no sperm. We were shocked and upset and it was hard on us.

“He ended up getting a microTESE surgery where they take sperm directly from the penis and we ended up getting five sperms. The doctor said it was a miracle. Three were viable and made into embryos with my egg and we implanted two. One implanted and we had our son. Things were fine after that. We did end up separating and divorcing amicably.”

The woman has since gone on to have more children with her current husband, while her ex-husband recently remarried.

“His wife is really kind and nice and gets along with our son well. I didn’t know if they had plans to adopt or have a donor or what to have a family together. I thought my ex was clear on that he couldn’t have any more biological kids considering the test we had done was a one time thing typically.

“In December they invited me over for a dinner which I thought was nice. It was a catered five star meal, I was wondering why they were being so kind, thought maybe because of the holidays coming up. Turns out they were planning to ask me if I could ‘adopt’ over the embryo we have to them as they desperately want to have a biological child together.

“I explained that I didn’t feel comfortable having another biological child with my ex-husband considering I’m remarried.”

“Also I wouldn’t feel ok with MY biological child being inserted into her and having her be pregnant and birth the baby. I don’t feel a connection to an embryo but I do my living breathing newborn. I just can’t imagine that dynamic.

“They said that it’s not just mine but also my ex-husband’s and it’s his only chance to have another biological child and he deserves to have the chance to experience a pregnant with his wife again. I told them I understand but that I was standing firm in my no. They both cried and I left. I told my husband and he agrees with me and says they should adopt or use a donor or even adopt another embryo someone has up for adoption.”

The woman thought the issue was done with, until she started getting pressure from mutual friends.

“They told mutual people we both know who are now in my business messaging and calling me wanting to tell me their two cents on what I should do. Most are telling me I would be a saviour to help them have a baby and that it’s not just mine and that if it was the opposite way with me being infertile and us having one shared embryo left that I would want to use it. It’s making me feel guilty so many people are telling me I’m being selfish or immature. What should I do?”

What do you think she should so? Let us know in the comments below.

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  • This is a difficult situation. I feel for her ex, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with it either.


  • Difficulty situation for the family. I agree with her, that’s her embryo too. I’d say no too. Shame her friends feel the need to pressure her!!


  • Tough one. Feel sorry for her ex, but, it is her embryo, her decision. As for all those friends sticking their nose in, it’s nothing to do with them, butt out.


  • So….if they use this embryo, it will be a full sibling to your son. That might be difficult if you aren’t the one raising this child. Especially as you are having such strong feelings against this now.


  • That’s tough. I do feel for the ex as his sperm seemed to be a rare miracle yet I don’t think using the embryo can be justified


  • Very awkward situation to be in. I dont believe anyone should be able to use the embryo.


  • I don’t think outsiders should be putting their input into the situation. If their owner of half said embryo has made her choice she should be pressured from others.


  • What a tricky situation. I feel for everyone involved. It is half the ex-husbands and half hers.
    I’m not sure what I’d decide in this situation.


  • This is messy. It’s also nobody’s business but the two couples involved – and it does involve two couples. As someone who has endured IVF and used all of my embryos with the last being successful, I know I was not going to be comfortable sharing any of my embryos with anyone else if I was done. This is a whole other level of complicated and a decision should have been made at the time of divorcing to dispose of them. I think the ex should be re-tested and try his options. He managed to produce sperm last time and through ICSI, it can happen.


  • It’s her embryo too so i can understand why she feels this way. Its such a complicated issue that would make ehr feel like shes giving up her child


  • I think she’s totally right. This would be her child. She will be emotionally and physically tied to it for life. It is a huge thing to ask her to give up her child. And it WOULD be her child. Plus, it would be just weird for her and her new husband for her to effectively have another baby with her ex.


  • It’s horrible that the ex and his new partner have got others involved who are now trying to guilt trip and influence her. This is a hard enough decision and it only is the business of the 3 adults involved, no one else.
    This is a decision she will have to live with for the rest of her life, so she has to take her time and weigh it up without additional pressuring.
    Legally, the embryo belongs to her and her ex. No one else has the right to try and influence her.
    I think it would be worth the ex trying to do fertility treatment with his new partner first. Meanwhile the ex wife I’m sure is considering how she would feel, were the situation reversed.
    This will affect their future family relationships and interactions regardless of choice, but hopefully with time it can be resolved without additional drama.


  • Whilst I agree this maybe a tough decision for her this embryo was meant to be a child, probably would of been if they had of stayed together, and biologically it belongs to both of them. Having said that maybe she should look at it in the way what would she want if the roles were reversed and she couldn’t have more children I think she would probably asking him to gift it to her and anyway what else are they going to do with it bin it or give it away.

    I know if it was me as hard as the idea of someone else raising my biological child would be I would still gift it to him and just ask to be an Auntie it rather than it never being born.


  • It’s a tricky one, I think if I were to do it I would want to be the mother as it’s my biological child. So I can see not wanting to give that up to someone else.


  • This is actually a really difficult decision.. I can definitely see this from both points of view..


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