How terrible that this has got to this stage before anything has been said. We all know that there are boundaries and whether it is a child or a MIL, boundaries will be pushed to see how far one can go. Have you also considered that this might be MIL’s way of letting you know she doesn’t want to be babysitting your child? Hope your husband is on side with your decisions, and if so, maybe the babysitting by MIL can stop and you can find other alternatives that have been spoken about on this page.

Your MIL is taking advantage of the credit card so you’re actually paying her more than you would a babysitter. Do you pay your own Mum for babysitting? Cancel the card and find a babysitter you can trust. I hope you and your husband can work something out that benefits your son as well. Good luck

Is the heart of this problem the misuse of your credit card, or that you dont want to pay your MIL to child mind? If you dont like the state of the home when she’s minding your child at your home, then the options are: she minds the child at her home, you pay someone else to do it, or find a childcare service more suited to your child. The credit card mis-use would be best resolved separately otherwise this is a bad situation that risks getting even worse. Perhaps you could cancel that card and not give her a replacement, under the guise of having to re-jig your finances for whatever reasons, she doesnt necessarily need to know/budget cut etc., or that you’re expense tracking for financial future planning. Money makes things trickier….to reduce the impact MIL has on your lives the credit card stuff needs to stop.

This is a tricky one, but it definitely sounds as though the MIL is taking advantage. However, if we are talking childcare all day every work day, it is a lot to expect of a grandparent. They should be able to have lives too and it’s up to the individual if they want that. I don’t think they should be paid, and I certainly don’t think there should be a raft of personal spending on the credit card, but they have left themselves a bit open to that. I think they need to discuss more reasonable terms.

I don’t think MIL should be allowed to use your card to buy personal items or gifts for others who you weren’t intending to buy for.
If MIL doesn’t have to take time off work, travel far or is having financial hardship I don’t think she needs to be paid and that having food supplied to her enough.
If you asked MIL to get the gifts for your child, I would be doing a click and collect or only having the money available for what it was that you want.
I think a nice gesture like a gift, gift card even or taking out for a meal often would be plenty to give back.
Also, it’s common courtesy to clean up after yourself. Especially when a guest in someone else’s home.
MIL doesn’t have full respect in my opinion.

Your not an a**hole. Seriously, she has taken advantage of not just you but your own son! What MIL does that… Oh wait, that’s something my MIL would do to us. Your MIL really milked the right. You gave her a credit card to help look after her grandson to buy essentials… Not a shopping spree. Your better off with a babysitter or even yet, find another child care. Thats disappointing she is ripping off her own child.

The excessive spending on their credit card is pretty crazy. I wouldn’t be okay to buy other family members groceries for no reason and not be consulted about it. But I think this mum needs to hire a baby sitter or professional nanny, it seems there are so many things she is unhappy about. It’s understandable, but you can’t change people.

This is the second time I have seen this posted. Same poster?
The MIL is disgusting and needs adult supervision.
Remove the credit card from her and sack her.
Does she even need to be paid for baby sitting? Even so she’s no good.
The son would be better off at a good day care centre, learning proper manners and habits.

A difficult situation indeed and I can understand unpleasant to deal with. But how your MIL misused your credit card and took advantage of the situation is very wrong and besides this she’s crossing boundaries and is not considerate what is on the television and what words come out of her mouth. I can understand is broken

This is not right whatsoever. Being your MIL perhaps have your husband have a firm word with her. She is meant to helping you, not increasing your financial situation.

This Mother In Law is out of control.

Do you pay your own Mother for babysitting and does she have a card that she abuses? Either see if your Mum can take on more time or find a babysitter you can trust. I’d definitely take the card back from your MIL too. It’s a pity your job doesn’t have it’s own creche. Good luck

When you disagree this fundamentally, you probably need to change your care arrangements.

It is sad that this MIL seems to be taking advantage of the situation rather than helping her family.

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  • • Mum2archer replied
    • 27 Dec 2023 , 9:01 pm

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  Yes this was going to be my comment also – definitely seems this way!

I would never have given her a credit card. Take cash out to spend then there is a limit. Provide food at home and if she chooses to take him out she can take him a lunch box or spend her own money. Sounds like she has no financial control and spends cause it is there and if she is spending so much don’t pay her on top. I think daycare would be better at least he is also being educated and there is no tv or bad behaviour. Maybe get her to do one day a week if you need to for financial reasons and don’t pay her.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 01 Dec 2023 , 8:49 am

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  I can understand she gave her credit card. My mum gives me her wallet or credit card when I do some groceries for her and she does so in good trust. I myself give sometimes my credit card to a support worker who takes my child out for an activity. However would this person missuse my trust then it would be the first and last time for sure.
  The fact that this MIL so missuses her trust not only with the credit card but also with her approach towards the child would cause me to decide no more babysitting by MIL

I honestly think daycare is the best option with 1 day a week with grandparents. It’s a lot to put on them and also can sometimes go wrong.

Put your son in Kindy part time and hire a professional Nanny for the other day’s. I used to work in a Kindy and sometimes kids would take a while to settle in and enjoy it. We had one mum pull her child out after 6 weeks cause he apparently didn’t like it (he didn’t like being pulled up when misbehaving) she sent him to another kindy and was back on our doorstep begging for his place back only 3 weeks later because he’d become so uncontrollable and cranky and was picking fights at the new kindy (something we spent time defusing before he exploded an hurt others while he was with us). Unfortunately for her his place was gone. So please give him a couple of months to settle in but ensure you do a tour of the place and have a look around before you choose. Also do your research and make sure your child will have a consistent teacher / educator in the room every day and won’t have to deal with not knowing who’s teaching him that day or what room he will be in etc. Staff shortages in the industry have made this difficult for some centers. Also make sure the place is clean and that the staff are pleasant and that you’re comfortable trusting them with your child’s life and education

Wow! What a tricky situation. I think you’re very generous with providing a credit card, etc. and it has been exploited. I think you need to either set boundaries and be very clear, or look at a paid option.

A grandparent should babysit free of charge just because they love their grandchild and it’s an honour and a gift to have them. Spending on the credit card is insane and I don’t know why the parents gave her this! They obviously thought she was more trustworthy. The only thing they should supply (other than food which is already there) is money for the occasional outing and the MIL could simply ask for this on the occasions when she plans something. Watching TV is also not part of the job description! Children are not babies forever and will soon grow up and not want to spend as much time with you- MIL should be cherishing this time, not wanting handouts or to watch TV around the child. Just wait until they’re napping to have ‘you’ time.

Not an a**hole at all. Not only wouldn’t I pay her, I wouldn’t ask her to look after grandson anymore either as she clearly crossing the boundaries the couple has set. I would indeed go for a hired babysitter