When I became a Mother and I had my 4 innocent children looking at me whom I wanted to teach to love themselves, value themselves and feel happy with who they are – just as they are.

I myself did not feel this inside and I struggled for many years with this as I wanted desperately to teach my children to be these things, yet I did not know how to as I did not even know how to feel it myself.

I was bullied throughout my high school years and as a result had low self-value and little self-esteem.

These feelings of not being good enough infiltrated every area of my life and affected all my rela­tionships with my parents, my husband, my friends and eventually, my children. I always felt I wasn’t good enough.

Not a good wife, not a good daughter, not a good mother. I was desperate not to pass this legacy onto my children.

I wanted my children to love themselves, be happy and accept who they were in any situation and in every area of their lives. How could I teach them this if I didn’t know how to love myself and didn’t feel these things inside myself?

I needed to deal with my issues and the emotional baggage from my high school bullying to be able to become the very best Mother for my children and become the person that I wanted them to be. Children learn 80% of their behaviours through role modelling, so I needed to step up and practice what I wanted to preach!

The first thing I did was start to acknowledge and understand what my self-talk (internal dialogue) was and what I was actually saying to myself on a daily, hourly and minutely basis. These feelings of low self-worth infiltrated every thought and changed my perspective on everything around me. These negative feelings had overtaken all my thoughts and ultimately experiences in life. I had become my own worst enemy!

Once I was able to acknowledge this I was then able to start to identify what the triggers where and how I could change these thoughts into more positive ones.

It is not easy as these negative thoughts and beliefs had become a habit and my brain did not know how to think differently. It takes time and practice (and lots of practice).

What are you internal thoughts saying about you? How are your internal thoughts influencing your external world?

To make the change ask yourself – How can I start to treat myself like my own best friend? How can I treat myself with compassion and kindness?

You can read more about my story and how I empowered myself from the inside out, for myself and ultimately for my children in my latest book Beyond The Schoolyard. Check it out here.

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  • Some people have to think about how they have been brought up then work out how you are going to achieve your better method of parenting. I wish some would seek advice and consider trying some of the suggestions instead of becoming more negative about the prospect of raising their children as well as they can.


  • What a beautiful and inspiring story!!


  • So true we lead by example so we need to remember that.


  • Love this article. It really is true that we need to model the right behaviour and way of thinking to our children. Actions do speak louder than words!


  • Something I am trying hard to do


  • Very interesting, love reading it.


  • Something I have been working on myself.


  • Thank you for the article.


  • Really great to bring these issues to light and talk openly about them.

    Thanks for sharing, and I have no doubt that the work you are doing now is a great example and inspiration for your kids :-)


  • It’s so hard to break the cycle. It’s about looking deep and being brave. Confronting the past and having the courage to change the future.


  • So true, thank you for sharing. Self belief is such a crucial element! It leads to our thoughts, it leads to our feelings and leads to all our outcomes as parents , partners and more :)


  • this was a great article and really thought provoking


  • I important message..


  • Self love is Oh so important. Especially For mums for everyday but also so we can mentor this love.


  • A great article. Always try to be kind to yourself and patient with yourself too.


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