Close family usually takes centre stage at a wedding but in a controversial move, this bride is considering shunning her own sister-in-law from her wedding.

The struggling woman sought the opinions from Mumsnet readers to figure out if she was being unreasonable for uninviting her sister-in-law to her marriage celebrations, due to “split loyalties”.

The bride-to-be has said that she feels that her SIL is too close for comfort to her fiance’s ex-wife.

She’s Loyal To The Ex-Wife

She wrote: “After a very long conversation it has transpired that (my partner) thinks his (sister) has an issue with us. She has some “split loyalty” issues and she doesn’t wants to upset his ex-wife for being close to us.”

“Their split happened years ago and she’s always been weird but with our wedding date upon us, I’ve told him that she either comes in “good faith” or she’s not welcome. I understand the split loyalty thing, but it’s time to move on as I’m as part of the family as the ex-wife was/is.”

She added:
“She’s not been “horrible” but her behaviour is odd to say the least. She always makes excuses to not see us, gives birthday/Christmas presents for ex-wife rather than us, in more than three years of us being together she seen us 4 times and she lives locally. The list goes on ..”

Don’t Do It!

The post incited quite the fierce debate with many saying that the sister-in-law should not be booted off the guest list.

“It’s HIS decision whether she’s invited or not because she’s HIS family and would be there as HIS guest, not yours. How would you feel if your partner told you that you couldn’t have your family members there?”

“He ‘thinks’ she has an issue? Has she said anything to you or been horrible? If not then of course she should come to the wedding, she’s his sister ffs.”

“You’re going to cause a family rift in which you will be the bad guy in the eyes of his family. Is that really what you want? if you want to isolate him then crack on,” one poster warned.

Have A Chat

Others suggested that the bride should have a heart-to-heart with the sister-in-law and try and sort things out before the big day.

“I’d talk to her about it, not confrontational but mention it seems she doesn’t feel comfortable with you and you’re worried she feels loyalty to his ex wife and it’s blocking her having a relationship with you. See what she says.”

What advice would you give to this bride? Tell us in the comments below.

  • I wouldnt exclude her from the wedding. Maybe a chat over coffee might help clear the air


  • agree to having the conversation and discussing upfront. Not easy but could help in the future


  • Tricky but actions now will dictate the future. I would not disinvite her.


  • I suggest having a conversation with her, either with or without your husband there, and explain how you are feeling and ask if she feels there is going to be a problem. I’m sure she will understand and you may find out it’s all just a misunderstanding. Maybe she doesn’t visit because she’s worried you might think bad of her for still being friends with your future husbands ex-wife.


  • I would suggest a conversation that includes future husband and future SIL so everyone is on the same page.


  • I would be talking to her directly if necessary by phone – maybe she doesn’t want to be there anyway. It’s the only way you can clear the air and make sure what is going on.


  • Best to discuss as a couple and come to a decision and do what is most comfortable on your special day.


  • I wouldn’t not invite such close family unless the groom didn’t want her there. It might be worth hubby to be confronting her though as that’s some bizarre behaviour. It’s not right.


  • My sister in law got actually removed from her sisters wedding guest list and it caused her great pain. In her case it was about their divorced parents. My sister in law had still contact with her dad, whereas her sister had contact with her mum and broke all contact with her dad. All these broken relationships do impact the loved ones around them, which is very sad.


  • I dont speak to any of my sister-in-laws so I really really understand this. If someone doesn’t put in effort or is being a bad person, being a relative doesn’t automatically mean they deserve anything.

    • Everyone regardless of family ties does indeed need to act with respect. Being family does not give people a free pass to act however they want!


  • If you don’t want to make the situation worse don’t take her off the guest list


  • I really don’t think she should be there.
    It’s always awkward when family members stay close to ex partners you as the new partner don’t want to tread on toes by not wanting them to have contact as it’s over.
    I have this same problem with my husband whereby his family is close to his ex but not close to any of the other exes even though they share children.

    • yes that sounds like an awkward situation


  • It seems like the bride is trying to be reasonable, but I do think this decision should be down to her husband.


  • I don’t see a reason why should she be at the wedding if she doesn’t want her there. It’s her day.


  • Ill never understand the rules and regulations of getting married, probably part of why ive never done it

    • Couples should make their own rules and everyone else should respect their wishes; it is their day!


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