What your ten month old REALLY wants for Christmas. Scrap the stacking cups! Give me dog food and power cords.

Are your family’s hands as clean as they could be? APPLY TO REVIEW Dettol Liquid Hand Wash here

Raquel D’Apice is a stand-up comic and writer of ‘The Ugly Volvo’ blog. A recent blog on her website deserves sharing far and wide.

It is a true representative of what your little tot would much prefer for Christmas this year than those “stacking cups” you have on the list.

Dear Santa,

I am a 10-month-old baby and I write because my mother has been sending out my “Christmas List” to people, and her list does not in any way represent the things I really want. I could give two s#*ts about receiving stacking cups.

And I know you’re ready to make the joke about 10-month-old babies and how all we want is the wrapping paper and the boxes. Touché, Santa. Touché. We do, of course, want those things. But I have a number of additional things I want very badly.

My list is enclosed below. Have a lovely holiday.

We have included a few of the preferred items below, to read the FULL LIST go to The Ugly Volvo blog.

Laptop Cord

I want this laptop cord more than I have ever wanted anything. Please. I also want the power strip with the orange on/off button and the white label on the other cord pictured (the one not connected to the laptop). I would be ok with just a bunch of electrical cords in general, but I would really love these specific ones that are located behind my mother’s desk next to the air-conditioner (whose cord I also want).

House Keys

I would love a set of house keys. To eat, obviously. Only metal house keys will do. Please do not buy me plastic ones. I am not an idiot. I know that plastic house keys are not real keys.

Everybody’s Eyeglasses

I pull these off the face of every person I meet, only to have them pried from my fingers and reclaimed by their original owners. I would love a pair of my own. Again, these are going to be for eating.

Handfuls of the Dog’s Fur

have no idea what this stuff is. All I know is that I want it in my hands and no sooner have I grasped its sweet, delicate softness than my mother comes running over yelling something like, “STOP TOUCHING THAT — HOW OFTEN DO I HAVE TO F*#%ING VACUUM THE G*#@&MN HALLWAY?”

The Dog’s Food

Every time I get close to this, someone pulls me away. If they don’t want me to eat it, why is it on the floor?

Bobby Pins

These are my favorite! If I had a nickel for every bobby pin I found on the floor I’d have double the number of little metal things I could put in my mouth because, go figure, I also totally love nickels.

This post originally appeared on The Ugly Volvo. Join The Ugly Volvo on Facebook.

What would your toddler add to the list? Share your thoughts below.

Image: Stock photo