What your ten month old REALLY wants for Christmas. Scrap the stacking cups! Give me dog food and power cords.
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Raquel D’Apice is a stand-up comic and writer of ‘The Ugly Volvo’ blog. A recent blog on her website deserves sharing far and wide.
It is a true representative of what your little tot would much prefer for Christmas this year than those “stacking cups” you have on the list.
I am a 10-month-old baby and I write because my mother has been sending out my “Christmas List” to people, and her list does not in any way represent the things I really want. I could give two s#*ts about receiving stacking cups.
And I know you’re ready to make the joke about 10-month-old babies and how all we want is the wrapping paper and the boxes. Touché, Santa. Touché. We do, of course, want those things. But I have a number of additional things I want very badly.
My list is enclosed below. Have a lovely holiday.
We have included a few of the preferred items below, to read the FULL LIST go to The Ugly Volvo blog.
I want this laptop cord more than I have ever wanted anything. Please. I also want the power strip with the orange on/off button and the white label on the other cord pictured (the one not connected to the laptop). I would be ok with just a bunch of electrical cords in general, but I would really love these specific ones that are located behind my mother’s desk next to the air-conditioner (whose cord I also want).
I would love a set of house keys. To eat, obviously. Only metal house keys will do. Please do not buy me plastic ones. I am not an idiot. I know that plastic house keys are not real keys.
I pull these off the face of every person I meet, only to have them pried from my fingers and reclaimed by their original owners. I would love a pair of my own. Again, these are going to be for eating.
Handfuls of the Dog’s Fur
have no idea what this stuff is. All I know is that I want it in my hands and no sooner have I grasped its sweet, delicate softness than my mother comes running over yelling something like, “STOP TOUCHING THAT — HOW OFTEN DO I HAVE TO F*#%ING VACUUM THE G*#@&MN HALLWAY?”
The Dog’s Food
Every time I get close to this, someone pulls me away. If they don’t want me to eat it, why is it on the floor?
These are my favorite! If I had a nickel for every bobby pin I found on the floor I’d have double the number of little metal things I could put in my mouth because, go figure, I also totally love nickels.
What would your toddler add to the list? Share your thoughts below.