How to be fabulous, by Gabourey Sidibe

Actress Gabourey Sidibe, who got her breakthrough playing an abused teen in the 2009 film Precious, has given a wonderful speech about how she feels great about herself despite being the butt of jokes because of her size.

Speaking on feminist Gloria Steinem’s 80th birthday at the Gloria Awards in New York on May 1, Gabourey charmed the audience when she spoke about how great she’s always felt about herself, even though Twitter provides a barrage of insults and comments can be overwhelmingly cruel.

The one thing she most resents as a successful 30-year-old woman is being asked, “How did you get so confident?” – as though she has no right to be.

“I hate that. I always wonder if that’s the first thing they ask Rihanna when they meet her: ‘RiRi! How are you so confident?’ Nope. No. No. But me? They ask me with that same incredulous disbelief every single time. ‘You seem so confident! How is that?'”

She was friendless at school, not necessarily because her schoolmates were unkind but because she loved to remind them “that I was smarter, funnier, and all around wittier than them.”

Basically, “I was a snob. I thought I was better than the kids in my class, and I let them know it. That’s why they didn’t like me. I think the reason I thought so highly of myself all the time was because no one else ever did.”

Back when she was 10 and her classmates wouldn’t eat cookies she’d made for a party, she decided she’d have a good time anyway. “I wanted that party! And what I want trumps what 28 people want me to do, especially when what they want me to do is leave. I had a great time.”

But despite getting a hard time both at school and home (her mum didn’t want her to be “a fat girl” like she herself had been), she knows that her parents love her. “They wanted the best life for me, and they didn’t know how to verbalise it. And I get it. I really do. They were better parents to me than they had themselves. I’m grateful to them, and to my fifth grade class, because if they hadn’t made me cry, I wouldn’t be able to cry on cue now”

“If I hadn’t been told I was garbage, I wouldn’t have learned how to show people I’m talented. And if everyone had always laughed at my jokes, I wouldn’t have figured out how to be so funny. If they hadn’t told me I was ugly, I never would have searched for my beauty. And if they hadn’t tried to break me down, I wouldn’t know that I’m unbreakable. So when you ask me how I’m so confident, I know what you’re really asking me: how could someone like me be confident? Go ask Rihanna, a–hole!”

s_bukley / Shutterstock.com

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66 Comments

- - mom81879 said
  - 20 Nov 2015
    8:36 pm
That is amazing! To have experienced what she has at school and at home growing up…..and still have bucket loads of confidence and no self doubt! You go girl!

- - smiles said
  - 30 Apr 2015
    11:27 pm
Sometimes people think others are more confident than they actually are.

- - mom92217 said
  - 11 Jan 2015
    1:24 pm
Love her and her confidence

- - matildaspice said
  - 07 Jan 2015
    10:06 pm
Great article, I need more of her attitude!

- - mom94125 said
  - 02 Jan 2015
    7:36 pm
lol she is incredible. strong and has overcome a lot of her personal stuff

- - mom63821 said
  - 22 Aug 2014
    3:06 pm
She is super fabulous, what a star!!

- - ginoula5 said
  - 12 Aug 2014
    7:25 pm
She’s got such a great attitude.

- - skbou said
  - 29 Jul 2014
    4:57 pm
I don’t know if asking someone how they got to be so confident should put them on the defensive, as though they don’t have a right to be….. maybe you had to be there.

- - mouse said
  - 08 Jul 2014
    2:01 pm
everyone can be fabulous no matter what the shape or size

- - 3timesamum said
  - 14 Jun 2014
    9:10 pm
I love her attitude and her confidence.

- - mom61907 said
  - 07 Jun 2014
    7:58 pm
REMEMBER
NO ONE
CAN HURT YOU
WITH INSULT
UNLESS YOU
ALLOW THEM
- Blossom replied
  
  20 Oct 2019 , 5:51 pm
  Some have this issue as children and need to be able to cope then, not later. I doubt most of them would be able to manage that as easily.
- - nida saeed said
  - 04 Jun 2014
    5:41 pm
that’s nice. confidence is so important in living life fully and its learned.i just learned it after becoming a mum, because it gave me a purpose in life and confidence in myself that i can do so much…good on her, she learned it too. its important that u learn it. not important that how

- - rachaelchara said
  - 01 Jun 2014
    9:09 pm
I like her confidence. Why shouldn’t she be confident?

- - christial said
  - 31 May 2014
    8:46 pm
Love her confidence! In saying that I think society is horrible in the way bigger girls need to ‘find’ confidence because being big means you can be joked about..

- - mom57522 said
  - 31 May 2014
    2:54 pm
It’s all about attitude and being confident.

- - Gracelow said
  - 29 May 2014
    1:02 pm
The movie ‘Precious’ was heart wrenching…

- - caramello said
  - 25 May 2014
    7:48 pm
great confidence. thanks for sharing.

- - meedee said
  - 25 May 2014
    1:13 pm
I love her attitude…we only get one shot at this life and there really is no point in living it for others.
Good point she made about how if everyone had laughed at all her jokes she would have learnt to be funny…. I dont believe its good for us to tell our kids that everything they do is amazing. I remember taking part in sports day at school…I was hopeless…never won a thing and I never really cared. I didnt get a ribbon or a certificate for taking part.
- mom61907 replied
  
  07 Jun 2014 , 8:00 pm
  Totally agree, we only get ONE shot at life, hit it with exhilaration and power.
- - kozack said
  - 24 May 2014
    7:42 pm
so good to see a larger person with great self confidence,i wish more people felt that way.a great role model.

- - mom56352 said
  - 22 May 2014
    9:06 pm
The inner you is what is all important, the wrapping hides the gem