Unfortunately that is being unreasonable from a parenting perspective. I understand emotions, grief and overcoming it will take a while but it is time to accept that this is what has happened and for the kids to have a great relationship with their father the new partner must be accepted.

I understand why she’s so angry but unfortunately she can’t really stop this from happening.

Similar thing happened to my sister-in-law. Once he left the family he didn’t want to have anything to do with my niece unless his girlfriend could be there. She wanted to just see her dad and slowly get to know the girlfriend, he had a hissy fit and didn’t make any effort to see her and still has no relationship with her nearly 20 years later.
I would let him rot and go through the courts and get every dollar out of him and put the kids in therapy so they realise he’s the one with the problem not them.
She has to do what’s best for the kids and herself
Oh my ex brother-in-law did the same thing with his daughter making her lie to her mother too. She didn’t like to and told her mother.
People like him make me so angry. They put their family through hell and they should not be allowed to be in charge of the break up.
You are not the a..hole.

It would be tough, I think I’d be inclined to do as you are. But in the long run, you have to think of your kids

I am not supriced. Will be the same????

I’ve gotta be in Mums corner here! I wouldn’t want my kids around her either, even if we weren’t together! Same rules apply

I am most definitely on Team Mum.

This is less to do with the other woman and more about the father. He’s got to want to be a dad, not when it suits him but consistently and reliably.

You should see a mediator and take your children as well. Ask your ex if he wants to be there. If he says no then just go anyway. Find out what you can do in this situation and get the kids to talk to them too. If your daughter doesn’t want to go to her father’s anymore, she shouldn’t be made to go.

Communication is indeed the key here. However the fact that the daughter doesn’t want to spend time with him because he forced her to lie for him, should be respected…she may not want to talk with him. Still think mediation would be best.

It’s hard that they got together that way but it happened. He is still their father and being part of his life includes any partner he has, now or in the future. Communication with the kids is important. They will slowly work this all out for themselves over time and form their own opinions of their parents.

communication between everyone is so important here

Oooh. It’s always sad when marriages end in this way. I feel for the Mum and totally understand. When you fully understand all of it, rather than not just wanting her children around the mistress (which I totally understand), he really is a piece of work. Having his children lie! Them not wanting to see him! A mess of his own making. I’d be heading for court. I don’t think he can be trusted to put the kids interests first.

Sounds like mum is putting the kids first and being reasonable, the ex is blowing hot and cold re the fatherhood gig, and putting his needs first. May be simpler in the long run to stop accomodating him and just do it all through the courts and mediation.

He is the complete cause of the situation and he’s being completely unfair to his children. I wouldn’t feel comfortable about them being around the other woman either. What kind of example does that set for them? It sounds like she should get advice from a family lawyer.

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  • • mom160270 replied
    • 20 Dec 2023 , 12:38 pm

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  I fully agree with your comment.

He cheated that’s bad enough but to have the children around her whilst he is still married and cheating that is NOT on.

A difficult situation. I would seek mediation for sure.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 19 Dec 2023 , 8:23 am

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  On the moment you were still married I can imagine you don’t want your kids to be around with your husbands mistress, however since the divorce and he is now in a relationship with this woman, it becomes a bit different.
  However forcing your child to lie on the moment he was cheating, then accusing her to be a liar is a very wrong thing and I can imagine the daughter is upset andconfused. The daughter may need some counseling.

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  • • 
    • • Mum2archer replied
      • 19 Dec 2023 , 9:31 pm

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    I agree, there comes a time when people move on and while the dad may have cheated – the fact is he is still in a relationship with the other woman so the mum cant stop her from being a part of the kids lives

What an awful situation to be in. She and her husband need to sit down and work out what is best for their children. Someone to mediate with this would probably be really helpful for them.

I feel so bad for her, she was with a real piece of work. I don’t blame her for not wanting her kids exposed to such terrible people because of how the ex husband wanted to introduce the kids when he was actively cheating on her. He turned on his own daughter, calling her a liar, because his dirty secrets came out. Good luck to his new Mrs, this guy is trash.

Seems mums doing alot of trying to organise dad. Let him organise himself, stick to whatever rule you like regarding the other woman. But let him ring you to organise his own visits