While I wouldn’t expect the grandparents to necessarily babysit or care for the child for free, the cost this grandfather has suggested is a lot and I’d rather put my child in paid care, where I know my child would be socialising with other kids their own age and the educators are qualified to help teach the kids what they need at that age.

I don’t think it should be an expectation that grandparents would just mind the kids. I’m not sure if I’d pay the same prices as a daycare centre though,

My in-laws don’t help us at all, and I’m ok with that.

I mean, it shouldn’t be expected ever that grandparents will become babysitters/carers. At the end of the day, parents are the parents, it’s their kid and if they want to work they need to make suitable arrangements.

But in this scenario, the grandparents gave every indication that they were happy to be doing this and as such, it’s pretty rude of the grandpa to demand payment like he has, especially to the extent he has.

In the circumstances you explained this is absurd that he has demanded $. The rearward should be knowing the child is safe with grandparents and not instead with strangers at a daycare and having QUALITY time while the grandchild is not too busy to spend time with the grandparents. I find this actually disgusting. They should either say yes and do without asking for $ or say no. It’s not like they were losing money and having to stay home from work to do this. The grandfather has no idea what an honour it is to be a grand parent.

Yes the amount of money the in-laws want is higher than the new parents expected, but I see so many couples that have children with the idea that THEIR life doesn’t get impacted, but expect others to do all the work in taking care of the child. Why should the in-laws have their retirement turned into what sounds like full-time childcare? It the new parents want full-time carers, then sign the child up for childcare, which is designed exactly for that. Otherwise they will burn out the in-law with the full-time care, which will become a chore and impact everyone’s relationships with each other. I would only ever hope that my parents and in-laws would want to form a strong relationship with my child and would offer the odd day/night of babysitting, but only if it was convenient for them.

Your father in law sounds like a greedy you know what. I’d rather pay to have my child in day care with children interaction than to pay him and have my child grow up around greed. If they want to be paid then they really don’t love that child, sorry but that’s downright disgusting

No way! They are family! It would be one if they had to buy and supply everything – I could understand paying them to resimburse that extra out of pocket but just looking after them? No thanks

Say you appreciate the offer but with the extra travel childcare maybe easier. Childcare will also help with social skills and will generally provide everything and also have rebates depending on how much you earn.

Just put in daycare if you have to pay anyway

Personally I would just move on and put my child in childcare.

Bit crazy really if you think about it.

Let them know how much you appreciate his offer but it would be easier for you both if you take your child to daycare which is closer to you both. Maybe see if they’d be willing to have their Grandchild once a week and pay them for that (but only if you can afford it). You need to be able to survive financially without stress.

Whilst I don’t think there should be an expectation that Grandparents will look after your children, it does seem you had some kind of arrangement/expectation and were happy to pay. This does just seem over the top, and especialy as it doesn’t even seem convenient in terms of drop off, etc. I would just simply say thanks so much for the offer, but financially it will be easier and more beneficial for you to use the daycare nearby. See the response then.

Just say you are considering a local daycare centre now as the travel is going to be too much. It will end up being their loss in the long term.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 12 Jul 2023 , 7:53 am

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  It’s wise not to overreact and just keep it neutral.

That is absolutely crazy, they should enjoy their special time with their grandchild. Maybe leave enough cash for an adventure like the zoo or something, but to pay them $400 is wrong.

If my in laws asked for $400 a week in payments for babysitting I would go to a child care centre theres a rebate involved and great social and play opportunities for my child. Also $100 for weekend babysitting is asking too much. So when do they actually take care of their grandchild out of love.

How many days a week are we talking about here? I think it’s a lot to look after the grandkids full time. I wouldn’t expect that from my parents. But I do think they could look after the kids here and there if needed, for free.

I feel like the discussion about payment amount wasn’t had early enough. But at those rates, go to daycare – you can get govt subsidies, social interaction for your child and learning experiences they won’t get with the grandparents. Maybe sit between them and daycare. Waiting lists can be crazy.

Im a little confused. You say that you were going to pay them but then you say you dont want to pay them to babysit??
As it is so both you and your wife can work I feel that they should be paid. Its a huge comittment and although it will be lovely for them to see their grandchild daily it does mean that they dont have freedom to do as they wish.
Years ago the person I considered to be my best friend split from her husband and she had to get a job. I had always looked after her two kids if she and her husband went out and once they were no longer together she needed to go for job interviews, etc and she always left her kids with me. That was fine. Then she got a job and her kids were dropped here in the morning before school and would catch the bus to school with my kids and come home here on the bus and would be here until 5.30 -6 at night. Then school holidays hit and the kids were with me all day. At no point did she offer to pay me. I spoke to her one day and said that I didnt mind looking after the kids if she wanted to go on a date but I felt that if I was looking after her kids so she could work that some sort of payment was fair. That was that. She arranged for someone else to look after the kids and our friendship fizzled. I felt that I had been very taken advantage of.

That is insane! I can understand charging something if he’s wanting them not to expect handouts, but $400 is more than what daycare costs as you can get government subsidies for that!