It’s not uncommon for mums to wonder how they could ever love a second child as much as they love their first … but most of us are ashamed to admit it. One mum has bravely shared her honest feelings about falling out of love with her first child, and it’s prompted an outpouring of support.

Calling herself a ‘horrible parent’ the mum-of-two says her son was her entire world for 10 years, but since the recent arrival of her daughter she feels differently.

“I love my son, he was my world for 10 years and we did everything together. He is a wonderful person and I’m so proud of him,” she explained on reddit.

“However since my daughter was born … I find myself being massively irritated by my son. As soon as he talks I just wish he wouldn’t. He is always asking for things and demanding my attention for trivial things (or though not trivial for him). He wakes the baby accidentally and I feel so much anger and fury.

“I don’t know why I’ve lost interest in him. I don’t know why I’m so frustrated and annoyed by him. I used to think he was the best thing ever, but now I can’t wait till bed time and he is leaving me alone.

“I do my best to make sure he doesn’t sense this. I never tell him to not talk or go away or anything like that. I force myself to do one to one activities with him and spend time with him. Even though I find it exhausting.”

“I feel guilt constantly. Why has this happened? Why have my feelings change so quickly? I can spend time effortlessly with my baby but with him it’s like pulling teeth. He is a wonderful child, funny, smart and engaging – so why?

“Please someone help. Give me some strategies to rebuild the connection and empathy I had for him. How do I not get irritated by him so quickly? I know I’ll get hate for this post. But I honestly just want some help right now to manage and navigate this. So I can have a healthy relationship with both my children and so my son feels safe, secure, and emotionally healthy.”

Instead of being met with hate, the mum was met with understanding by hundreds of other parents who offered kind words and advice.

“This sounds like a form of PPD (postpartum depression). You need to talk with your doctor,” offered one person.

Another mum agreed: “Yes, this! Could also be postpartum anxiety. I had that and it made me extremely irritable and it came out more at my older kids or my spouse. The baby just seemed so helpless and innocent and I was worried/anxious about baby but everything else just felt like extra work.”

While another mum offered her own story: “As others mentioned, please seek therapy. This happened to me when my first was born – my dogs were suddenly annoying and I was not attracted to my husband at the time – like at all. I saw him more of a brotherly figure, it was weird. I eventually grew out of it, but it took a while.”

Did you experience ‘falling out of love’ with your firstborn when your second baby came along? Let us know in the comments below.

We may get commissions for purchases made using links in this post. Learn more.
  • Good on this mum for acknowledging it is hard and a massive change when a new baby comes into the family


  • I never fell out of love as such but yes, it got exhausting and felt like work to give him time ..he was only 2 then .. but i always felt sorry for him. He was the centre of my world and we were always together and then suddenly we werent. Everyone feels differently


  • See if your doctor can help, and try to do the normal things you used to do with your friends – morning teas, an occasional movie together, and just try to live in the present moment without being resentful. It isn’t any one’s fault, it is just that you are tired, probably breastfeeding, and also trying to be the perfect mum – and there isn’t any such thing. All of us make mistakes.


  • At the very least, I think you’re tired (pretty normal with a new baby) and whether you realise it or not, your brain is prioritising the most helpless child. It’s good to recognise it as a problem, though. Would probably be good to talk to a professional.


  • See your doctor about as I believe it’s post partum depression. Deep down, I know you still love your son but it hurts when you feel the way you do. If you were a bad Mum, you’d be ignoring your first born or pushing him away so please don’t think that you are. Talk to someone whom you can trust. Take care


  • I only have one child but, I am 1 of 4 children. As the third, I definitely felt unloved and not considered in the family dynamic and that continues to this day.


  • I don’t really understand this article. I’ve always loved both of my children. Maybe she’s feeling more irritated because the baby has become her centre and her son is trying extra hard to get some attention.


  • This article made me feel really sad. I hope the mum can find out why she is feeling this way and seek some help.


  • Definitely PPD, I’m sure its not uncommon. I hope she gets the help she needs because this is definitely going to affect her son more than she could ever thing. Her withdrawal of affection to her son and his needs could cause a major factor in narcissistic personality disorder which could affect his future interactions with her and everyone else he’s in contact with.


  • i struggled with ppd after my second, i would get irritated very easily with my first born, i did seek medical help, but i get it, i hope you find your way and get the help you need xx


  • As a mother of one, I’ll never know how I would have felt about more children, but I’d like to think I’d love them equally.


  • Oh this def sounds like Ppd. Please talk to a professional and they can help you.


  • I didn’t exactly feel that way but we all feel different things. Hope she can get the help she needs


  • I definitely didn’t fall out of love with my first child when #2 was born. I struggled with mum guilt and going from 1 on 1 attention all day everyday, to having to give a lot of my attention to my newborn. I love both kids the same :D But can understand why some mums would feel the way this mum does!


  • Ive been lucky enough to love all three kids the same. Sure there are days where I feel one kid is just horrible and I couldn’t care less about them, but that is short lived. We all have our moments and everyone is different.


Post a comment
Add a photo
Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your comment and join MoM:

You May Like


Looks like this may be blocked by your browser or content filtering.

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating