Infertility struggles usually bring friends together, and for these besties, that’s exactly what happened. Until one took a joke the wrong way, and crushed her friend’s dreams of having a baby.

A 35-year-old woman has taken to reddit to ask whether she is an a**hole for what she did to her friend, Alessia.

“I am infertile, she explained. “My ex husband and I tried everything to have kids but it just never happened. He divorced me, went and married someone younger who was able to give him a kid and from what I gather, they’re expecting a second child together.

“It hurts like hell seeing someone else have what I couldn’t. I get frustrated with myself sometimes and with family blaming me for basically everything. I turn to my friends for support. Especially Alessia, she’s in the same ‘infertility boat’ as me but she and her husband are currently trying IVF hoping it’d work.”

“Alessia asked me for help to pay for her upcoming IVF cycle. I agreed to write her a cheque of $12,000. I really wanted to help her and the money came with no strings attached. I wrote the cheque and gave it to her last week. She was very appreciative of it.”

But the next day things turned sour, when she received a text from Carol, a mutual friend. Carol had a screenshot of a conversation she’d had with Alessia.

“Turns out she and Alessia were talking about the next IVF cycle, and Alessia said she hoped the cycle would work because she didn’t wanna end up divorced, and having her husband go marry someone younger and have a baby with them and another one on the way! While she’s alone and without a family at 35! (She’s 32).

“I was stunned and … hurt, I knew she meant me here. But I did not confront her I simply contacted my bank and cancelled the cheque. In the evening, Alessia called to ask why I cancelled the cheque and I told her.”

“She went batshit saying she didn’t mean it that way and that she thought that this was somewhat an ‘inside joke’ between ‘desperate infertile women’. She came over with her husband the next day begging I write another check but I refused.

“An argument ensued and her husband thought I wasn’t being supportive of her like when she supported me throughout my struggles. She left crying and we haven’t talked since then. Her husband keeps reminding me (while repeatedly calling Carol a toxic snake) of the date of the next cycle saying they can’t have it after I took the money that was supposed to pay for it back!”

While she says some of her friends think she’s being oversensitive to the joke, Carol is on her side.

“I feel so bad about it. What I’ve done might just damage our 15 years of friendship. Maybe I shouldn’t have cancelled it but I just felt so offended by what she said about me and how she basically mocked my unfortunate circumstances.”

What do you think she should do? Let us know in the comments below.

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  • It was an incredibly generous gesture from you, especially after everything you have been through so I think it’s so disappointing & disrespectful for your friend to treat you like that after you gave her that money.


  • Thats a big gesture to give her friend $12000, but I think if you have to go threw IVF it should be funded by the parents, or borrow of close family. If you have known for years that you will have a problem maybe they should have been saving for it before they started to try


  • What an amazing human being and friend you are to write a cheque for that amount of money, no strings attached. Wow! Infertility is such a huge emotional toll and your friend would know that. I don’t disagree with what you did. I think you were so generous in the first place. But a huge grovelling apology is required if she wants your friendship to be fixed. This is not on you at all.


  • What her friend wrote is just wrong in so many ways. Especially after receiving a lovely cheque to help her. It would have hurt so much and I understand why the cheque was cancelled. A huge apology is needed and I wouldn’t be asking for the money again. What a great friend in the first place to hand over a cheque of such great value.


  • Not cool for mocking her after she tried to help them.


  • The willingness to give 12k to her friend in the first place was extraordinary. And that her friend then makes this tasteless joke is just heartless. Then responding as if she has the right on the money ?? No way ! We are truly blessed if we receive children, but it’s not a right we can force…sometimes life isn’t going as we want or plan; we lose a loved one in a terminal illness, accident, miscarriage, or we can’t get children. There is a time to grief and accept


  • That’s wasn’t very kind to say what she said especially when her friend was helping her.


  • She shouldn’t have said that about someone who’s trying to help


  • Sad for everyone involved! No one should mock anyone IVF journey, or a marriage break up!

    I wish IVF was more affordable so everyone has a chance at a family without needing to go bankrupt to have a family.


  • Alessia and her husband should be funding their own IVF or asking closer family for the money. It seems very unreasonable to ask a friend for such a large amount of money.


  • Wow you don’t mock someone behind their back regardless…but she just gave you $12000 lady!!! So rude…and not an Inside joke if you’ve never joked about it before, the only joke is this poor excuse. Glad you Cancelled it


  • Oh wow. Yes, I think it wad an over reaction to cancel the cheque. Alessia was just saying how she felt. Wow to have $12000 to just give away


  • These people are all a bit strange. $12,000 is a lot of money to give away and also to receive. ‘Carol’ is also not really a friend to either of them.


  • Na I definitely would have cancelled the cheque too. Very insensitive of her so called ‘friend’. Also why did she feel so entitled to the money? Weird


  • I don’t see how she could have thought anything other than being used just for her money. It was insensitive what she said but if she was such a good friend she wouldn’t have said something like that to anyone. What else has been said behind her back. To me, that’s not a friendship you need anymore.


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