'I Refuse To Invite My Daughter's Bully To Her Party, Am I In The Wrong?'

Kids’ birthday parties are usually full of fun, sugar-laden food and games – but when it comes to the politics of who to invite, they can turn into a nightmare.

One mum has revealed that she invited her daughter’s whole class to her birthday party – except one girl. Her daughter’s ‘bully’.

The 28-year-old mum says her seven-year-old daughter is famed for her incredible birthday parties, and next month she’s turning eight.

“Payton goes to a small school with 20 kids in her grade. Her birthday party is next month and we sent out invitations to her friends at school. We invited the whole class except one student.

“The student we did not invite has bullied Payton several times (we’ve had meetings with the school and parents). Obviously Payton doesn’t want this kid at her party,” she explained on reddit.

The mum even detailed several of the ‘bullying’ incidents:

“One time Payton came home crying because the little girl was so mean to her. Telling her she wasn’t pretty, too chubby, etc.
“Payton has come home crying several times because the girl has told her there’s no way she’s a cheerleader (Payton does cheering on weekends) because she wasn’t ‘pretty’.
“She has told Payton she couldn’t play with the rest of the girls in the class when they were all playing jump rope at recess. The other girls told her to let Payton play so when it was Payton’s turn the girl purposely got her ‘out’ by not swinging the rope nicely. The teacher saw that happen.
“She’s called Payton a cry baby.

The mum says this is just the tip of the iceberg and there have been many more issues with this particular girl.

So she handed out the invitations to the children’s parents to avoid singling out the ‘bully’, however her mother found out.

“The other girl’s mother called me to talk about it saying how now her daughter is crying she was the only kid not invited and everyone at school is talking about the party. (Payton’s parties are known by her classmates to be very over the top).

“I explained her daughter isn’t nice to my daughter and that’s the reason she wasn’t invited (the mother knows this). The mother said I’m teaching my child to be a ‘bully’ and using our wealth to make her friends. I disagreed.”

“The mother then asked if she had her daughter apology and write Payton a letter we could reconsider. I told her we would not and it has become a big deal every time I see the mum.

“Am I the a**hole?”

Let us know what you think in the comments below.

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43 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 10 Mar 2023
    1:03 pm
Good lesson for the child to learn. You can just aplogise just to get an invite. If the child wants to apologise then thats awesome but not get an invite. Apologise and change your behaviour and maybe you will be included next year.

- - Gigi said
  - 09 Nov 2022
    9:52 pm
Absolutely not an a hole. Bully’s should not be rewarded. I would also explain to the parents why and invite had not been sent and see if they can help stop their child from being a bully in the future

- - mom101628 said
  - 03 Nov 2022
    12:15 am
My first instinct is like yours – not to invite the ‘bully’. But then I wondered if I would only be making it a whole lot worse for Payton in the long run with bullying being escalated. It seems the bully’s mother will do anything for her child who seems to desperately want to be at the party. A very hard decision for you to make.

- - ~Loui~ said
  - 31 Oct 2022
    10:12 am
No way should the bully be invited.

- - smart_ass said
  - 28 Oct 2022
    9:57 am
I agree with the bully not being invited

- - mom491013 said
  - 27 Oct 2022
    11:55 pm
Personally, wouldn’t invite the bully either. They need to learn that sort of behaviour is not ok!

- - mom485263 said
  - 20 Oct 2022
    10:52 am
I don’t believe she should invite the bully. Even if the bully writes a note and apologises as that is just putting a band aid on the situation. The bully just wants to come to the party so she won’t be left out. It will possibly teach her a lesson she will remember for later in life.

- - NicolaL said
  - 19 Oct 2022
    2:07 pm
Bullying is not welcome in my home and this should teach that child a big lesson that she’s missing out due to her behaviour.
I also would’ve told the mother the apology letter should have come before it was all about the party!

- - Jgracex said
  - 18 Oct 2022
    9:09 pm
You are right for not inviting the bully. That kid needs to learn.

- - Lividanke said
  - 18 Oct 2022
    4:59 pm
I wouldn’t invite the bully to the party, no way, especially not if the daughter doesn’t want her there, and why would she want her there when this other girl is clearly nasty to her.
I think the way this could have avoided being a big deal was not to invite the whole class. This has singled out the bully and I think it looks bad on the Mum.
The bully feels like she’s missing out because everyone else is going, but if she doesn’t like this little girl and says these nasty things to her, she needs to understand that the girl she’s bullying isn’t going to invite her to her party.
My daughter has been bullied at school this year and if her bully got upset because she wasn’t invited to my daughter’s party, there would be no way that I’d be changing my mind. I wouldn’t want that girl at my house!

- - ella12 said
  - 18 Oct 2022
    4:32 pm
Tough one. If she wrote her a letter to apologise and it was sincere, then maybe invite her.

- - mom265671 said
  - 17 Oct 2022
    10:14 pm
Why should you ahve to invite her? Im with her on this one

- - rovermum said
  - 17 Oct 2022
    11:24 am
I agree you don’t ever have to invite a bully to your child’s party. But, inviting everyone in the class but the bully, that’s not okay. Did you really need to invite everyone else in the class? That’s a lot of kids. Our invites had gone out and we ended up cancelling the original intended party and went with something smaller for my son rather than have the bully attend. It’s about your child and what’s best for them. Smaller can be better.

- - mom103778 said
  - 17 Oct 2022
    11:10 am
I wouldn’t invite the child to the party either. I am not sure if this will help the situation in the long run.

- - Mom7534689 said
  - 17 Oct 2022
    5:55 am
Maybe the mum will learn from thus too and teach her child when she was first told of problems….not just suggesting get daughter apologise just to go to a party and make her daughter happy

- - mom223151 said
  - 17 Oct 2022
    12:06 am
Good on her for not inviting the bully. Karma has a way. Maybe this girl not invited might learn from this – treat people with kindness and support.

- - mom73186 said
  - 16 Oct 2022
    8:05 pm
Wow, so the bully’s mother never thought it appropriate for her daughter to apologise when she bullied your daughter but only suggested it once her child was excluded. Looks like mother and daughter need to learn a lesson. It is your daughters birthday not the bully’s and she should have at her party who she likes and not someone that makes her feel bad about herself.

- - cassy26 said
  - 16 Oct 2022
    11:16 am
This is a tough one because they are so young and it would be very difficult to be the ONLY child excluded from a party BUT maybe this will actually be a good lesson for that particular girl and maybe she will be a lot nicer from now on.. I wouldn’t invite a bully to my childs party either.

- - romvar said
  - 16 Oct 2022
    10:52 am
This is a very difficult situation! Personally, I would not invite the bully, particularly if my child didn’t want her there.

- - mom489365 said
  - 16 Oct 2022
    9:36 am
I would t invite a bully to my kids party. Especially if the school and parents of the bully have had meetings about it. There is no place for bullying anywhere or anytime.