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The mum says that she is struggling to cope with her autistic son’s needs and feels she has no option but to give him up for adoption…

A distressed mum has taken to Mumsnet to share her guilt over considering putting her four-year-old son up for adoption. The mum says that her son requires constant attention and support, due to high functioning autism and extreme OCD, and that his behaviour is negatively affecting the rest of the family, including his three-year-old sister.

A Miserable Existence

The mum says that her son’s behaviour makes even the most mundane of tasks impossible.

“We live a miserable life and stay in our house 95% of the time because of how difficult he may be in public,” she wrote.

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“I don’t get to have a life because of him, we share no family fun outings, we just exist. It has affected my relationship with my husband to the point where we are on the verge of a divorce.”

My Daughter Is Suffering

Despite attempting to seek additional help and support, the mum says that her daughter is suffering as all the attention is placed on her son, and she and her husband are unable to cope.

“He is a lovely boy and doesn’t mean to be difficult,” she said. “I do feel that I can not provide for him anymore and he deserves a family that can.”

The mum said that putting her son up for adoption was the only option she had left.

“I do feel terrible for how I feel. I know he’s my son and I should be able to deal with him but I just can’t,” she admitted. “I love him so very much and it’s heartbreaking that I’m even writing this.”

Don’t Give Up

Commenters on the mum’s post said that giving up simply isn’t an option.

“I see it as a challenge that I will always win,” one mum said. “Our life has to be on hold for them. They’re our babies and they need us.”

Others shared their own experiences and highlighted the trauma adoption could cause for both mother and child.

“I have two autistic boys and our lives are ruled and dictated by them,” said one mum.

“I’m sorry things are difficult. Can you get some respite care for him so that you can have one on one time with your daughter?”

“If you give him up, imagine the feeling every morning when you wake up wondering where he is,” said another. “Could you live with that?”

We really feel for this mum. It’s so awful that any parent ever feels in a position where they need to consider putting their child up for adoption. We can only hope that she finds the support she needs to get through this difficult time.

Have you struggled to cope with your child’s needs? Share your story in the comments.

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  • Firstly, I’m sorry you feel this way and thank you for speaking up for all the other mummas out there that might feel the same. Now, if you place your son up for adoption, do you think you will be able to wake up each morning without guilt or worry where you’re son is? No one is able to tell you what is right for your family. But do ensure you “exhaust” every option before making a permanent decision. Have you got access to NDIS? What services are you linked in with? What educational environment is your son in? Is this challenging enough for him, or the opposite? Just a few random questions, but good luck mumma- your heart will guide you.

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  • This is so hard!

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  • It sounds like respite care is needed to take some of the pressure off.

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  • Such a heartbreaking read. I guess you never really know the struggles of others lives. We should all try and help other mums and boost them up and support them.
    I struggle with my children’s health issues, so I can on imagine how this mother feels.

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  • We have a grown son with multiple disabilities. NDIS are a great help. I feel sorry for this family but wanting to give him up is drastic.

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  • I am the Mum of a son with ASD and it is hard. Everyday it is hard. It is the most challenging thing I have ever done. And my hubby and I are in this together… even though it is harder some days for one of us over the other. I was once told that our son was sent to us as he needed us as his parents. It is tough. But you have to seek help – Doctors, Specialists, Services, Respite. Whatever is available. Never be afraid to ask for help. I have therapy too, to help me deal with the overwhelm of it all. And hubby and I have to talk it through regularly. He needs us and we can’t let him down.

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  • I’m so sorry for this family and hope she can get some support and work out the issues with hubby and her daughter. Hopefully one day they can manage some sense of calm and happiness.
    My eldest has a developmental delay and has been assessed as just behind, no disorder. Even so it has made some things difficult with hubby not understanding and getting impatient. We’ve had disagreements about ways to help her. She has gotten a bit better in the past year but still behind. But there is hope.

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  • My heart goes out to the family. I had a disabled daughter whom I took to a disabled school 3 times a week which helped when she was little as it gave you time to talk to other mothers going thought a similar situation and have a small break even thought you never left the room. Please don’t give up on your son or family.

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  • It would be very hard. I can’t even imagine.

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  • There must be a way of getting help for you, your husband, son and daughter. Keep fighting for your family and your marriage or you will dislike yourself later on down the track. I wish you well and hope all will turn out right for you.

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  • I feel for this Mum. She needs support and some respite. It can and will get better.

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  • I have a 4 year old autistic son who is also diagnosed with GDD and I can understand where she is coming from but if she as a mum can give up on him than how any one else in the world will take care of him? She has to accept him as he is as well as his husband, instead of keeping him indoors they should introduce him to outside world it doesn’t matter if he get a melt down or if people look at them, she needs to make few changes. Adoption is definitely not a good option for poor child who is already struggling.

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  • I have one son who only has mild autism. It is difficult at times and if it wasn’t for such a loving and supportive extended family I’m not sure I could have coped. What you need is some respite care for him and also to get support from family services. There may be certain things you can do which will make life better for you all as a family. I wish you all the best.

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  • My grandson is autistic and my daughter struggled in the early days. To the stage where she couldn’t cope as a single parent. As he has become older it is getting better. She applied for NDIS and was knocked back the first time but now gets the funding. Don’t give up.

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  • My son is autistic and id never give him up ever. We stay inside alot and dont go out or have a life really but hid my baby. Noone should ever give there children up because its not there fault and you made them it’s your responsibility you don’t make a child then go dump them if you cant handle it.

    Reply

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