A mum-of-one has pleaded for advice after popping the morning-after pill without her husband’s knowledge. In fact, he was still under the impression that they were both trying for another baby.

The woman has written a post on Mumsnet, sharing her deception and their relationship struggles.

The poster describes her partner as a “massively hands on Dad” or “does more childcare than me”. She also added that “he does all the cleaning, food shopping and cooking when he’s home”.

Both parents full-time and the mum is struggling with the lack of quality time she gets to spend with her hubby.
She says that they haven’t had a date night in two years and have “sort of lost touch with the couple we were.”

Due to her husbands shift work, “I spend a LOT of evenings on my own, probably 5/7. Three weekends out of four I’m solo parenting,” she shared.

Before they had a child, the woman said they used the time created by their clashing schedules to see their friends.

Trapped!

However, now as a mum, she “can’t leave the house as easily” and “we both tend to make our social plans when the other is home to babysit.”

The woman says her work is giving her some satisfaction:

“I really enjoy going to work (although my current job isn’t that great) mainly for the social side of it, and if I’m honest male attention,” she admitted, adding that socialising with her male colleagues reminds her that she’s still “got it”.

However, closeness at home is another matter:

“We never have sex, he suffers from premature ejaculation which wasn’t an issue when we had more time for foreplay, but now it’s so few and far between it’s over in seconds and really I get nothing out of it.”

The big issue is that her husband wants another baby. The mum always wanted another child too. However, “now the combination of kind of getting my life back and not being that happy with him has put me off, I think it would make things worse.”

Panic!

She admitted that they were intimate and she suspects she was ovulation.

So she panicked and “got emergency contraception which I can’t tell him about- he wouldn’t understand. He thinks we’re trying for a baby. I had 3 early miscarriages last year which I think is also impacting on my broodiness or lack of it.”

She then signs off by saying: “I really like wine. I think I’ve become too selfish and we’ve forgotten how to be a couple. HELP!”

Many mums responded to the poster with reassurance.

One said: “I think getting the morning after pill was a very good decision. Your marriage is in a lot of trouble and throwing a new baby into the mix is not a good idea. You are in no way selfish for not wanting another child.”

Another comment read:”I don’t think anyone could judge you for taking the MAP, but you don’t sound very happy in your marriage, and I think you owe it to your husband to discuss this with him.”

The original poster responded:

“Thank you everyone for responding, I appreciate you taking the time to do so and not judging! I don’t feel that close to him anymore though. And I could imagine life without him and it isn’t awful. The idea of life without my son full time though is, so I’d like to make it work.”

We hope it works out for this mum. Do you think she should have told her husband? Share your comments below.

More on Mouths of Mums

  • They need to talk about the issues and work through them.

    Reply

  • I think they need to sit down and talk this through or get counselling.

    Reply

  • I can understand why she did what she did but I think it might be wise for her and hubby to consider marriage counselling.

    Reply

  • They need to talk, obviously as others said, but I think she did the right thing taking the pill as she’s not ready, and she isn’t going to have a baby to try to save the marriage like some couples do. I hope they figure things out.

    Reply

  • I think you need to have a real and honest conversation with your husband. Communication is key in any relationship and this is a big one you need to work through together.

    Reply

  • I would be furious if I found out my partner didn’t want children and I did. I actually told my (now) husband if he didn’t want any more kids to keep walking. She needs to tell him and let him decide for himself if he wants to stay or find someone to move on with. To me this is very selfish.

    Reply

  • She definitely needs to talk with her husband. Taking the morning after pill and being so stressed and anxious is not doing her any good.

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  • I think it’s definitely time to sit down and have a chat. That’s probably easier said then done but better in the long run!

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  • Time for a good chat and repair of their relationship I think. Openness about not being ready for another baby yet should be part of that.

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  • This couple really need to sort out their problems/issues before considering having another child. They are obviously no longer ‘on the same page’ and need to openly discuss where they are heading. It would be disastrous to have another baby while they are living the way they are at the moment.

    Reply

  • She needs to have an honest conversation with her husband otherwise they will end up in serious relationship trouble


    • I agree – relationship troubles left unattended tend to fester.

    Reply

  • It would seem from the article that the relationship needs work and possibly counselling before bringing another child into the family unit.
    Ultimately a woman’s body does indeed belong only to her and honest conversation needs to occur around family planning and family dynamics.

    Reply

  • I think it’s a good decision at that moment. They need to work out their relationship before putting another baby into the problem.

    Reply

  • I think that they both need to sit down and have a chat about their relationship.

    Reply

  • She should tell her husband, her husband doing house work when he is at home shows that he cares for her and he really is trying to give her some time away from there chores by helping her. She should trust her

    Reply

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