A mum-of-one has pleaded for advice after popping the morning-after pill without her husband’s knowledge. In fact, he was still under the impression that they were both trying for another baby.

The woman has written a post on Mumsnet, sharing her deception and their relationship struggles.

The poster describes her partner as a “massively hands on Dad” or “does more childcare than me”. She also added that “he does all the cleaning, food shopping and cooking when he’s home”.

Both parents full-time and the mum is struggling with the lack of quality time she gets to spend with her hubby.
She says that they haven’t had a date night in two years and have “sort of lost touch with the couple we were.”

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Due to her husbands shift work, “I spend a LOT of evenings on my own, probably 5/7. Three weekends out of four I’m solo parenting,” she shared.

Before they had a child, the woman said they used the time created by their clashing schedules to see their friends.


However, now as a mum, she “can’t leave the house as easily” and “we both tend to make our social plans when the other is home to babysit.”

The woman says her work is giving her some satisfaction:

“I really enjoy going to work (although my current job isn’t that great) mainly for the social side of it, and if I’m honest male attention,” she admitted, adding that socialising with her male colleagues reminds her that she’s still “got it”.

However, closeness at home is another matter:

“We never have sex, he suffers from premature ejaculation which wasn’t an issue when we had more time for foreplay, but now it’s so few and far between it’s over in seconds and really I get nothing out of it.”

The big issue is that her husband wants another baby. The mum always wanted another child too. However, “now the combination of kind of getting my life back and not being that happy with him has put me off, I think it would make things worse.”


She admitted that they were intimate and she suspects she was ovulating.

So she panicked and “got emergency contraception which I can’t tell him about- he wouldn’t understand. He thinks we’re trying for a baby. I had 3 early miscarriages last year which I think is also impacting on my broodiness or lack of it.”

She then signs off by saying: “I really like wine. I think I’ve become too selfish and we’ve forgotten how to be a couple. HELP!”

It’s OK!

Many mums responded to the poster with reassurance.

One said: “I think getting the morning after pill was a very good decision. Your marriage is in a lot of trouble and throwing a new baby into the mix is not a good idea. You are in no way selfish for not wanting another child.”

Another comment read:”I don’t think anyone could judge you for taking the MAP, but you don’t sound very happy in your marriage, and I think you owe it to your husband to discuss this with him.”

The original poster responded:

“Thank you everyone for responding, I appreciate you taking the time to do so and not judging! I don’t feel that close to him anymore though. And I could imagine life without him and it isn’t awful. The idea of life without my son full time though is, so I’d like to make it work.”

We hope it works out for this mum. Do you think she should have told her husband? Share your comments below.

More on Mouths of Mums

  • I wouldn’t do this but l am not in her situation.


  • Clearly miscommunication and differences in life goals at the moment. Honesty might go a long way here.


  • Her body and her decision in my opinion!


  • How does she rate him as doing most of the childcare and housework when he works 5 out of 7 nights a week and 3 out of 4 weekends a month?


  • If she’s doing all the work and he’s never around then I think this was the right decision.
    I get that he needs to work to make money and pay the bills etc. But being somewhat of a single mum is a hard life. You don’t have that support when you need it and you end up having a mental breakdown.
    I feel for her as my hubby is on shift work all the time so I’m basically like a single mum myself. It definitely gets hard, especially when you’re doing everything around the house and looking after a child.


  • When it comes to children both partners need to agree. Time for these two to talk and spend quality time together before thinking about intimacy & babies


  • Always think twice before making the decision.


  • What ever you decide just make sure it’s the right thing for you and your child. No-one really knows how they’d react if they’ve never been in your situation. I wish you all the best


  • Clearly there needs to be communication about another baby that both agree on.


  • It’s really something she should discuss with her hubby- it should never have escalated to the point where she needed to take the morning after pill.


  • its her that would have to carry the bub so ultimately its her choice IMO; but as partners there should be some conversation surrounding this!


  • Think the relationship problems need to be sorted out and quickly. About time they sat down together and talked.


  • This couple need to communicate. She sounds so unhappy.


  • I believe she did what was the right thing for her in her situation. No one has a right to judge anyone.

    • yes I tend to agree with you. It seems like they need to communicate alot better


  • I agree she should talk with her husband and how another baby would mean even less quality time


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